Is the Hottest Woman in the Solar System really a Bratz doll?

We don’t know, but when we look at Angelina Jolie, we get a little glow on and the propeller on our caps start spinning and we think maybe we’re not sooooooo queer, after all. But then again, we feel the same way about Bratz dolls, and they are HIGH HOLY QUEER BAIT!

After Ellen.com, an all-lesbian-all-the-time site that we kinda love (from a respectful distance, of course) had this to say about Angelina’s unfair living-doll advantages: "Angelina Jolie was named sexiest woman in the world by FHM magazine this week, making it the eleventy billionth time she’s won a "sexiest woman" poll (slightly edging out her 10.999 billion wins in the Female Celebrity I’d Most Like to Sleep With poll category). Seriously, guys, why don’t you have a poll for the Sexiest Woman Who Isn’t Angelina Jolie, just to give the other women a shot?"

Meanwhile, like Angelina, the Bratz dolls have also conquered the universe. We’ve long had our eyes on these Slutz-R-Us role models, which mothers hate ("Don’t ever walk out of the house like that!") but ‘tweener girls (and big gay guys) love. Maybe it’s their mixed-race, hip-hop creds. Or maybe its simply those FANTABULOUS Angelina lips and those draggy misspelt blak-tress names — Yasmin, Nevra, Pheebe, Cloe and Jade.

From CBS’s The Early Show: "What Bratz has done is actually unbelievable," says Jim Silver of Adventure Publishing Group. "Barbie has owned the market. Nobody’s ever done a doll over the last 20 years that’s done over $100 million. And Bratz came out of nowhere and in a little past four years built up to $600 million… Barbie and Bratz are absolutely in competition with each other. And that competition really takes place in ages 6 to 9. When you look at ages 3 to 6, Barbie dominates."

The article concludes: "It was tough to find a mother who really liked the Bratz’s sexy image, but Isaac Larian of Bratz said its research suggests that ‘tweeners don’t see the dolls as sexy; they just see them as beautiful." That would explain why Angelina Jolie makes us so koo-koo, fools for beauty — or as the Bratz gals would put it – Buoo-Tay that we are.