David K. Diary: My Jeff Gannon Problem

Jeff Fucking Gannon!

You remember Jeff Fucking Gannon — male hootchie, gay escort, the guy who wasn’t a journalist but played one on TV. The guy who was selling his piss online while he was waved into the White House briefing room so he could shill for the Bush administration by asking laudatory non-questions. The unhappy homo Jeff who happily asserted (for pay, of course) that John Kerry, if he won, and by virtue of his support from marrying sodomites, would be the "First Gay President." Yes, that Jeff Gannon.

Well, I just can’t get that (hot) Fucktard out of my head! Is it his bald dome? The military boots? The military boots and jockstrap? Or just my penchant for dimwits? Oy! — my conflicted horniness.

Anyway — yesterday, Jeff was all over the Blogosphere. Our pals over at AmericaBlog were raising high holy hell because the National Press Club in Washington had invited ole Jeff-hole to join a panel on blogging – AS IF HE WERE A REAL JOURNALIST. And yet with every single outraged mention of — he has many aliases — Jeff/Jim/Guckert/Gannon, all I could do was think of him NAKED!

Naked and HUSTLING.
Naked and hustling and having me call him BULLDOG while I blow him.
Naked and hustling and having me call him Bulldog while I blow him and STICK MY FINGER UP HIS ASS.

Oh, shit! I just glopped Astroglide all over my keyboard. Boys, don’t try this at home! You see what happens when I start thinking of Jeff? I lose it and go all Ga-Ga-Nnon. Does this happen to you? Huh? Well, does it? I thought so.

Gosh, but who can blame us? Especially when Americablog continues to update their site with fabulous escort reviews from Jeff’s former johns — like this one submitted by Spaceman:

"While earlier reviews may have suggested he might be rough, that was not the case. He was caring, assertive and with stamina that could have gone on all night. While I was expecting a large cock. This was 8 or maybe a 9 and very thick. His technique made this the first time I have ever not been hurt when stretched to the limit when going to first base."

Hmm — how exactly is one “stretched to the limit” when “going to first base?” Jeff must be adept at whore techniques that even I hadn’t heard of.

So, anyway — I was crushed to learn from Greenthruandthru’s escort review that Jeff DOES NOT KISS!

But I guess self-loathing gay men never do. Plus, I bet the johns lap that stuff up, imagining that they’re getting poked and pissed on by a REAL MAN (which kind of gives their own game away, vis-a-vis self-loathing!) I suppose Jeff’s passionless performance seems to suggest that he will be ultra-discrete about so shameful an act — or so Greenthruandthru imagines:

"He is all-man, athletic and self-assured. The sex was great, he’s a hard core top, verbal and strong, never romantic, but not mean. But there was so much more. He is intelligent, but would not want me to tell you that and very interesting. Being military also, we had much in common. I feel completely at ease that my secret is safe with him.

Secret is safe with him? Not if someone waves a dollar bill under his nose! And yet…

Shee-at! I’m having the same I-Wanna-Jerk-Off-To-You problem with Jeff Gannon that my straight pals have with — brace yourself! — Ann Fucking Coulter!

Please somebody give me a nice John-John Kennedy to love — and call Bulldog.