The oddsmakers in Vegas are flummoxed this morning.
The sure thing that was Constantine Maroulis, the 20-to-1 Boy Most Likely, was sent home last night in the most violent upheaval to hit the fans of American Idol since Mario Vasquez vanished in the night “for family reasons” and went racing to the bedside of his perfectly healthy, totally mystified mother. Watching it all from behind flat, dead eyes was Scott Savol, the unsmiling and overweight contestant who has for the last several weeks stood at the brink of dismissal with the bottom three vote-getters and somehow walked away, as he did last night, to everyone’s amazement.
In the wildly addictive popcorn talent show that is Am Idol, Scott is each week’s Designated Loser. His survival last night — and Constantine’s fall — were particularly counter-intuitive, as witnessed at the judges’ table where the usually bullet-proof Paula Abdul lost finally her glazed look of Pollyanna contentment and became suddenly, horribly, a big-jawed menopausal Arab woman balling her eyes out. For Paula Watchers it was pure gold. The relentless, cheerleading Abdul seemed about to slip around that final bend and would soon drop into a squat to ululate with shrill, Iraqi-woman abandon — just another psycho-celebrity, after all.
Constantine had that effect on many women — though usually those whose mental age hovered somewhere between Barbie Dolls and their first princess-pink cell phones. Even last night these fickle girls, who had sent their text-message votes off to other idols, kept going off like car alarms every time the snake-hipped, chin-tucked, eye-smoldering Maroulis pursed his lips into the camera during his energetic farewell song.
Still, what we — along with the oddsmakers at the Bellagio — are left with this morning is a metaphysical puzzle. The tortoise has once again won the race. The neckless, turtle-like Scott Savol can again pound his heart with the flat of his hand and raises it in thanks to the Great American God of the Winners — a perfect symbol in the fifth year of the reign of Tiberius Bush of rewards going to the dimmest and dullest contenders.
As Constantine seemed one of Fortune’s golden children, Scott was one of her faceless throw-aways. He was — he is – the anti-Constantine, the negative, reversed image of the slinky, long-haired rocker whose charisma and camera-flirting went a long way to cover up what he lacked in range, tone and vocal distinctiveness. It should be noted that Scott, benighted child of countless misfortunes which were recited Tuesday night by his bottom-feeder parents with a cloying sort of pride, has none of those attributes either. His range is limited, his tone is thin, and his vocal personality, the one bright spot, leaves behind barely a memory.
But Scott is still standing, The Thing That Wouldn’t Die, enjoying a sort of vampiric half-life. Surly and uninviting, his sloth-like eye-holes revealing little if any affect, he stands out among the shiny, smiling faces in the Idol holding pen like the strange cousin who chooses to live in the basement among his embalmed collection of woodland animals. Perhaps it really is thanks to the efforts of college pranksters (or that damn David K.!) who this year have flooded the show’s call lines with rogue votes. They even have a website, Vote for the Worst.com, with the avowed goal of sabotaging the bland, consumerist Idol by saddling it with the hardest, most unlikable product to sell.
Their current Idol du Jour, need we say, is Scotty the Body.
Abdul seemed about to slip around that final bend and would soon drop into a squat to ululate with shrill, Iraqi-woman abandon — just another psycho-celebrity, after all.
I laughed until I pissed…!!!!! Thank you!
In the words of Randy Jackson, this piece was BRILLIANT DAWG just BRILLIANT, you did your thang out there man.
All of my feelings about Idol’s own Uncle Fester summed up brilliantly…
The Thing That Wouldn’t Die indeed.
Aside from the racial slurs, your comments about Paula are more than unkind -
they are unfounded. She’s the only one that show’s any real emotion and let’s herself get involved on a personal level. Then again I guess this is the age of cruel and clever comments and your moving to the top of the heap.
eh…? Virtute Non Verbis…
Wow, this is late to be writing this but I happened upon this article doing some unrelated research. When I came across this site, I was really interested because I assumed it would have the lack of bias and prejudice that I unfortunately have to expect of most sites today — NOT another group of people that are equivalent to a minority themselves doing worse. Yet, you decided to ignore the “Golden Rule” (or maybe some of you didn’t get that far in school) and trash others without the type of personal provocation I HAVE right NOW…pathetic. I’m a “double minority” of sorts, and I’ve been known to kick people of my own “kind” out of my home for “oppressing the oppressed,” as to me, it’s more despicable than if it’s committed by someone who’s never experienced being different.
Now, let me address a few issues that I may have a little more information on than you do (thought NOTHING is stopping you from learning and gaining that accuracy if you open your eyes and push that mental envelope just a bit). First, Scott is a domestic abuser AND has even been in trouble for breaking and entering….we all know that — and no, he’s not attractive, but don’t blame him for that — blame the producers for letting it all slide.
As far as Paula? Do a little research. She’s not Arab at all — she’s a Sephardic Jew. If you don’t believe that, look it up, as you come across EMBARRASSINGLY ignorant to those of us who are MANY and know the truth.
Now, for Constantine…or I’m sorry, “Fortune’s Golden Child,” right? Well, you’re as free to critique his performances as anyone would be. Hell, call him an egotistical-seeming ass if you want…. However, PLEASE don’t infer he’s some kind of overindulged man who only gets where he may because of teeny-boppers and a “comfortable” family. You see, I really hate to inform you, but his strongest current demographic is women in their 20’s to late 40’s (even 50’s plus on some poles). So, right there, you’re already talking out of your arse. To make this all the more sad, you make assumptions about his family, raising and personal life that have nothing to do with Idol at all (HE’S no abuser or anything else, so I see no “justifying” exceptions). I can tell you from a person who KNOWS Constantine that you obviously know precious little about his life, education, experience, and foremost, his personality. Do you often let reality shows manipulate your ideas in that way — the way they want to?!… You may not care to know…but if that’s the case, then say nothing. Empty judgements are being made. I get pissed off at him plenty (I’m currently pissed at him BIGTIME… LOL), but you have him ALL WRONG and I’m going to chalk that up to either MORE ignorance that you feel no need to challenge or simply jealousy.
You want a diverse and happy world? So do I, but you can’t expect to receive a respect you are not willing to give……
Note to Randi
1. Paula Abdul refers to herself as an “Arab-American.” Sephardic Jews are, strictly speaking, of Spanish-Portuguese descent. Paula’s father was a Syrian Jew — in short, an Arab man.
2. Whether Scott Savol is a domestic abuser or Constantine had a hard life is totally IRRELEVANT to what I was writing about in the above piece. The issue was that one of these singers had tons of charisma and the other vats of anti-charisma. I was reporting on my sense impressions — what I saw and what I heard. These are not up for a vote. They’re one person’s honest opinions.
Finally Randi, a question for you. Have you ever experienced a thought directly? Without it first going through a political correction filter?
John Calendo
Would I be on this site happily and comfortably as a straight, taboo-free woman if I haven’t? So much for what you “tried” to make into a slam….oopps….lol!!You answered your own questions (not well in content or form, but why bother asking something you don’t want the answer to?). There’s a huge difference between being PC and being ignorantly insulting and hurtful — sure we’re protected on here as it SHOULD be….but why feel the need to used that to soothe your own lack of abilities and talents? I supposed that SOMEWHERE in my past I’m an Arab too then (have no problem with that because stereotyping is pathetic…stereotyping like you exhibited in the first place). For that matter, I guess I’m African American as well since my people originally came from Isreal, right?! LOL….Honey, you WILL NOT be able to “keep up” in a convo or debate with me with ANY credibility whatsoever…in a few sentences your foot would be permanently buried in your gullet, as you’ve already contradicted your self more than once.
It’s interesting too that you eased up on the Connie laughs….hmmmm….wonder why….lol. Don’t worry, he’ll just laugh his ass off at your replies right along with me — unlike you has no inferiority complex that spawns bitterness….
Lash away Sweetie….I’m DONE…..NEXT!!!!
I remember strolling through your site once before; finding it very neat actually. Again tonight I find myself here after a site search, provoked to post to you.
You are so eloquently spoken and thought provoking in your editorials. In the same breath I find this particular synopsis obtuse and frivolous. I’m trying to be objective and in rememberance that these are your opinions. While I respect that, I cannot sit idle.
I’m simply bothered by the following statement.
“It should be noted that Scott, benighted child of countless misfortunes which were recited Tuesday night by his bottom-feeder parents with a cloying sort of pride, has none of those attributes either.”
It brings me no great pleasure to read something derogatory of Scott. Although, I’ve gained a thick skin through out the tumultous ride of AI season 4. But to read of his parents, it directly strikes me. I’ve been bestowed with fortune of befriending the entire Savol family since becoming a fan of Scott’s. But, those words used to describe people who in every way are some of the world’s most amazing people disappoints me.
I question how a rapid judgment could be made about people of which you saw basically a 20 second segment on?? Is it because they are the parents of Scott? Did they personally attack you or something? What exactly is it? I’m confused on how someone’s parents, just two people who are so amazing, so generous; who would welcome complete strangers into their lives daily because they support Scott could be labeled as “bottom-dwellers”. Why should they be subjected to that sort of distinction? When they go to beyond limitations and are sincerely great people.
I already would be in intense disagreement with your views of Scott; I feel as though I saw something you hadn’t. But, that makes me feel fortunate. What Scott “lacks” in the glossy, “its all about me and I’m just so pretty” sensation he completely makes up in heart and just who he is as a person. Without being flamboyant or overzealous, he remained himself and has gained himself a legion of fans who will never leave him bare.
So, I’ve rambled. Thanks for letting me speak my peace.
-Kehaulani
PS.. To the previous post from Randi; while I find what you were trying to say as a positive, there is a distinct difference between “Domestic Abuse” and “Disorderly Conduct”. Besides the fact that it was one side of the story that made the report.