Ah, that Special Relationship!
Britain and the U.S., forever in each others pockets, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We here at Nightcharm are total kooks for all things United Kingdom: ABFab, Harry Potter, Alfred Hitchcock, Liz Taylor, and of course the Prince Albert.
Also David Beckham (right).
Actually, David Beckham with a Prince Albert is something we would pay money to see, especially if he were dancing on a bar, waving it in our face. Please talk dirty to us, daddy, in your delightfully tight-assed British way. Say bloody. Say bollocks. Bend us like Beckham, mate!!
Let’s just say if you "lot" ever got rid of Queen Elizabeth, she could come over here and queen it over us.
She’d make a fortune! We see her sitting beside Connie Stevens and Adrian Arpel, selling cubic zirconia versions of the Crown Jewels on the Home Shopping Network. As well as replicas of her splendidly dowdy hats. But only after she genuflected to the flag, of course, and mouthed a bit of hogwash about how we’re all classless here in America, just one happy melting pot where everybody comes out Southern Baptist. Praise!
And those recent bombings in London. Believe us, we felt the ground shake all across the U.S. From those of us who actually stood in the rubble of 9/11, who were covered in the white dust that settled over Lower Manhattan when the towers collapsed, who posted pictures of the missing on every post — "Have you seen my wife," "Jose, please call home" "This is my daughter Rachel, if you see her please call….." — from the city that got up again: WE STAND WITH YOU, LONDON.
That said, we know you’re giving Tony Blair a lot of grief because of his friendship with our President, the Grand and Glorious Oz. You hold it against the prime minister that he has continued "that special relationship" we have enjoyed with the British ever since you burned Dolly Madison out of the White House. We have forgiven you and have punished you countless times already — MacDonald’s, Starbucks, and really, after we sent Madonna there to cherry-pick one of your nice, hung lads and then grand-dame her way through one of your Stately Homes, that should have been enough. You should have felt properly caned and lashed. Honestly! You can come now!
So get off Tony Blair. We know he says much the same thing as our own Conqueror in Chief, the Lion of Baghdad, but on Tony Blair, it sounds intelligent. On Tony Blair , it sounds educated. We don’t think your prime minister would ever declare — or for a second, believe — that the jury is "still out on evolution" or that marriage must be protected from the Two Fat Ladies, who used to have that mad cooking show and dyke it up all over the English countryside in their motorbike with sidecar.
So really, let the lovin’ commence. Which brings us, finally, to our point for writing all this. We promised you blowjobs. We’re giving you blowjobs. Check out this lovely ad, now on British TV, from the environmentalist organization Greenpeace. It’s called, with admirable economy, BLAIR BLOWS BUSH. And when you’re done, dim all the lights (as Donna Summer used to say), bring out the poppers and groove to the soulful sounds of George and Tony singing ENDLESS LOVE, from Swedish TV. (Takes a few moments to load, but like many loads long in coming, well worth the wait.)
Champagne wishes, everyone. Caviar dreams.
Does everybody except me think David Beckham is sexy? What gene am I missing????
No ive never found him attractive either! ive never understood why people think he is! so according to this article, id find it easier to pull over in the states with my “british” accent? hehe
Quite agree, Beckham did look OK one time , [though never quite did it for me],now with his penciled in plucked eyebrows, squeeky voice,too many large black naff tattoos everywhere,plus greasy hair, just a big turn off!
Rumour has it David Beckham could be signing a £1.1 million deal with Calvin Klein. Apparently Beckham, AKA Golden Balls, spends a grand each month on Calvin Klein Boxers or to be more precise Calvin Klein Pro Stretch Boxers and allegedly he wants an opportunity to show off his tackle - wink, wink!
Surely this is a genuine match made in heaven (unlike his marriage - only joking!); Golden Balls is indisputably the ultimate metrosexual and gay icon and Calvin Klein produce arguably the ultimate boxer shorts so on the face of it this is a sure-fire winning combination (unlike his team - not joking!). Perhaps the question on most peoples’ minds, even if they don’t want to admit it, is does David Beckham need any props to pose in a pair of CK boxers? Calvin Klein boxer short models have a certain reputation and Golden Balls will not want to let down the side, so perhaps a strategically positioned pair of rolled up Real Madrid socks will give Becks the necessary swerve.
Whatever the result, Calvin Klein will surely not pass up this once in a blue moon opportunity to expose their CK boxers to Golden Balls’ global fan base…. and there are undoubtedly a few guys in San Francisco, Brighton and Barcelona hoping Becks will expose his Golden Balls to Calvin Klein’s global fan base too!
This was humorous and vaguely observant of the current British public opinion of Tony Blair. However, I feel it completely misses the point. As much as we love you America - it isn’t all about you. There are a number of political issues surrounding Blair’s premiership that are completely different to your missing-link-of-a-President’s issues.
Of course it sounds intelligent when Tony Blair talks about our shared international policies, because his come from an intelligent and well thought view point.
The fact that we are close allies with your country really isn’t a problem that we have. You’re all “so totally, like, awesome”. I think one of the reasons is that we’re allowing him to agree so complicity on international policy with a guy who said “This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” (-George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002), on our behalf. But there are also other issues that we have with him as well.
It’s not always so black and white - if it were I’d be telling you not to vote in such an idiot next time, oh that’s right, he you didn’t actually vote him in…
Tony Blair has made some really significant changes since his Government were elected and I think they are also recognised. Gay civil partnership ceremonies (”marriage”) are now legal; our economy is the seen as the “powerhouse of Europe”, one of the strongest in the world; we are committed as a country to cut greenhouse omissions - and these are just a few of the positive steps.
Rest assured, we wouldn’t vote somebody into Government who we didn’t want to do the job. Equally, we wouldn’t blindly follow him out of some misplaced loyalty if he wasn’t doing exactly what we employed him to do. If we “get on his back”, it’s for that reason. Surely that’s what a democracy should be about.
PS - David Beckham is okay, but give me Jonny Wilkinson anytime!
David Beckham is hot and sometimes i wish i could play with his balls. i wonder if he would ever fuck me and his huge dick far up in my little pussy.
i think david becham is a ex bom. i think he is completely sexy and i would not mind meeting him
would love to fucck david beckham and would pay milions to have his think dick in my mouth and even more millions for his cum on my face
i think he is uttterly delicious!!!!!
i would love to have his thick dick in my ass
I like him very much. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
I think his a closet case he is more gay than gays.
If david beckham ever comes to wrexham ill suck him dry yeyeye
Bov
Never got Beckham’s appeal: too plastic, too slick, and droolingly stupid to boot.
As for Tony “Yo Blair!” Blair, I do think his toadying to Bush–he often seems to be playing Alfred to Bush’s Batman– is embarrassing. We’ve watched him do irreversible damage to his credibility, all in the hopes of sucking up to the big, dumb alpha dog.
David Beckham’s got a whopper!