In the words of the French philosopher:

GASP! GASP! Je GASP!

Fasten your safety belt. Hide all sharp objects. Get a friend to scrape you off the wall once you’re done!

From the New York Daily News:

STEAMED ABOUT RICE!
Russian pol unleashes rant
Russian pol Vladimir Zhirinovsky says
what Condi needs is a man.

Condoleezza Rice might want to see if there’s room in one of those “black site” terror-suspect prisons for Russian politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky. The wacko leader of Russia’s Liberal and Democratic Party has surpassed his earlier screeds with a misogynist attack on our secretary of state.

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Redneck Poster Boy and Lord Prince of the Bigots, John Rocker may be batting (left) but it isn’t for our team. The ex-baseball star is proudly notorious for his anti-gay, anti-black, I-Hate-New-York pronouncements. But can we just get real for one minute? — God, this guy is hot!

All of these guys are. Homophobic, sociopathic, you name it. But babes. Studmuffins.

Now, not all of these jokers are equally despicable. No, some pigs are more equal than others. Some are just … misguided … human beings. Luckily, in the spirit of No Fucktard Left Behind, we will be grading on a curve.

We don’t know if these guys are gay, straight or willing to fuck a barn door. Frankly, we don’t care. This is what we want, not what they want! Below then, the Top Ten Jerk-offs We’d Most Like to Jerk Around. (more…)