WTF has happened to Madonna? Have you seen the recent cover of OUT magazine?
Oh wait, we’re getting a transmission from Planet Plastic Surgery. The message reads as follows:
After years of studying the Kabbalah, Madonna has evolved into a Higher Being. One Problem: The Being is from Alpha Centauri.
Madonna is to be avoided at all costs! If you see her, do not — repeat, DO NOT — look into her eyes — unless you do so through lead shields. Only then will her gaze not scramble your DNA.
Madonna’s mutation — as shocking as it is — has not troubled another evolving chick, the delightful Star Jones.
Not one to be upstaged by the Torah-spouting Madonna, Star is going through her own changes, courtesy of her Christian self-help books and her work with struggling homosexuals that she marries. Yes, Star too has been touched by an Angel — from Planet We Have Come For Your Children, Earthlings.
Uh-oh — a new transmission from Planet Plastic Surgery:
The Outer Space Transmutation of Madonna and Star Jones — and for that matter Cher, Nicolette Sheridan, and Nancy Grace — all occured after an accidental encounter with certified alien and covert spy for the coming Martian Invasion, the horrid Dakota Fanning.
Nightcharm has learned that for the past five years NASA has had the alarming Dakota (right) under sonar surveillance. Her whiny voice is thought to be a key secret weapon of alien lobotomy, while her bloodless expression, and chilling impersonations of little girl-ness, is said to be responsible for the empty look on so many recently tightened faces in Hollywood.
Dakota Fanning is the E.T. you never want to meet in a dark alley. As Madonna has learned to her brain-misted regret.
Special tip of the hat to
Gallery of the Absurd
What Would Tyler Durden Do?
Aliens Among Us by Ruth Montgomery.
© 2006, Nightcharm. All rights reserved. Nightcharm.com
lol
It is true though, the hot-shot celebreties let surgery be done to create their “perfect bodies” resulting in alien faces, and way-too-thin bodies. Well I recon they only get uglier, aye? C’mon they’re not even human any more. Perhaps StarWars could use a new speecie, but damn, the series ended. Hmm, pity, no hope for the freaks.
Folks, once the surgery is done, there’s no way back. If your tiny little brains can’t cope with critiscism on your NATURAL looks, just get your ass in some sportsschool okay? Natural is pretty, artficial is creepy.
Derreck – Star Wars is going to be made into a 100 episode long TV series, maybe Madonna will be part of the cast there?
Star’s husband works out at my gym, Equinox, every day 11am w/ his personal trainer. He’s hot and tight and looking at all the boys walk by. She’s married to a hottie.
Oh, how our culture has betrayed its women! I wonder how we got to a point where it’s fashionable for women to look as if you’ve been gutted and stretched over a coat tree. Star could certainly be the poster child for the chronic wasting disease we like to gently call a makeover.
Most shameful of all is that the real Star has let herself set in the west never to be seen again, worse that she has to preach on her self-made “miracle” to justify her transmorgafication into something so painfully alien. Star, honey, there was a reason you were big. It took all that you were to contain so much beauty, intellect, and persona.
Better that Star had remained big, bold, vivacious, and uncompromised. Then she could have spread the gospel that speaks truth and tells our most precious they don’t have to squeeze their bodies and souls into something the size of a soda straw.
Kz — darling:
You have given me the gift of a completed weekend. I may now retire for the day (and it’s only 9am here, in Seattle) and contemplate your sentiment:
“Star, honey, there was a reason you were big. It took all that you were to contain so much beauty, intellect, and persona.”
Thank you Kz, thank you!
Love,
David K.
Starman Supreme
alaska_pollack,
Who knows, the war of the world may have a third movie one day, sure she’ll live by then, she survived the mutation after all. Didn’t know about StarWars’s serie BTW, thanks!
Frankly I don’t think Madge has had any work done. Maybe a bit a botox, but I doubt a lift. It looks more like the work of extreme airbrushing more then anything else. I’m sure she’ll submit to the knike in the future, but check any candid of her and she’s got lines to spare plus the beginings of a Turkey neck. She is too thin. She’d look better as she’s get older to gain about 10lbs or so.
I’m so glad this was mentioned! I was at the bookstore and noticed the cover and I was physically jolted – and for a split second I thought, “Wow! A Sleestack… They are bringing back Land of the Lost!”
alaska_pollock,
Art indeed imitates life (or rips it off…I’m not quite sure). Evidently, Madonna is in talks with the Great Flannel One (Lucas the Hutt) to play one of the characters in the Star Wars series, supposedly a Sith witch.