Of course I’m making reference to the small patch of land that became infamous following JFK’s assassination in 1963. It has been speculated that extra gunshots were fired — in synch with Lee Harvey Oswald‘s — from the bushes of the knoll, doubly insuring the president’s demise. In a similar conspiratorial spirit I offer you my observations about last night’s big Idol sing-off and why hidden forces worked extra hard to guarantee that Elliott Yamin would not be back for his well-deserved Kodak Theater moment.
It’s a freaky coincidence how the first singer to begin each year’s Final Three show is the Idollette voted off the following evening. This mystery has proven true since Idol debuted four years ago. Elliott, of course, went first last night.
The AI band, lovingly referred to by detractors as Bandzilla, was set on stun and destroy whenever Elliott took the stage. The effect was like watching a small boat negotiate gigantic waves and treacherous tides on its journey home. To stay the course Elliott had to push his voice hard and then compensate for the extra effort by losing some of his natural flair. Even with the extra contorting, he never wavered — despite the higher key he used to churn out the cheese during Count Chocula’s pick for him: Journey’s Open Arms.
Who was counting? I was. Why was Katharine McPhee‘s sprawled-on-the-floor, Eva Cassidy-cloned, melisma-clogged Over the Rainbow allotted nearly three minutes of air time, while Elliott’s songs were clipped to near-forgettable 80-second bites?
I’m just saying, people.
Or does it even matter? When I consider how badly I wanted Elliott to place in the finale all I need to do is listen to Bo Bice‘s atrocious post-Idol record. Or give a spin to Diana DeGarmo‘s RCA release — a gone-to-the-vapors collection of songs fit to accompany feminine hygiene TV commercials. Hearing both mishaps quells my disappointment instantly.
Sour grapes? Oh, fuck off!
After reading gigabytes of harsh commentaries regarding Elliott’s lack of fireworks last night, I was pleasantly surprised when I played back his performances this morning. He broadcast mature, cool professionalism throughout. His demeanor was classy and in command — despite his awareness of the odds against him. The guy just doesn’t have it in him to compromise, grub or whore.
While Taylor Hicks and Katharine milked the AI tit raw (blasting their glory notes, contorting for the Soul Patrol, winking and batting their eyes for the weepy papas in the audience), Elliott came across as his own man: A gentleman. He made me aware that, wow, someone had really evolved and deepened as an artist throughout the run of the show. Excuse my cliché, but for that feat alone I consider Yamin a winner.
Their futures?
Katbot McPhee? As the zingy Linda Stasi posits: “So is she real or is she Memorex?” We may never know, after the ominous Scientology hovercraft sweeps Katharine off to its guarded cloister of celebrity. I’ve nothing against Kat. She calls to mind that famous Gertrude Stein quote: “There’s no there there.”
Taylor “Mr. Impersonations” Hicks? Well, last night, over on Datalounge, a frustrated Elliott fan summed it up better than I can:
I have to believe that in a few years, Taylor Hicks will have his own theater showcase, much like Celine Dion. Except his will be in Branson and will be located in a red barn by the highway. And the words “All You Can Eat Buffet” will be bigger than his name on the side of the barn.
And Elliott? The post-Idol Elliott will be doing what he does best: Making Deep Soul music and having a good time — being himself.
© 2006, David K.. All rights reserved. Nightcharm.com
Of course, David, you are much more experienced in IdolWatching and perceptive in general than I, but I’m afraid you’ve pegged it. We’ll see a little later this evening. That Taylor has come so far, repellent as he is, just amazes me.
The adjectives in your very apt summation of Elliotts presence tell the whole sad story: “mature”, “professional” “classy” “in command”. These are all commodities wasted on a population of short attention span thrill seekers. Taylor’s goofiness and Katherines cute face are all they can understand. Anything above that just washes over them like a foreign language. And so I fear the worst for Elliotts chances with this audience. Hopefully there’s a bigger future ahead for him and I will be one of his fans. And I’ll never give another minute to that stupid show again…. ever!
Here’s some more fodder to your grassy knoll theory.
Elliott = 4:43
“Open Arms” 1:31
“What You Won’t Do For Love” 1:20
“I Believe To My Soul” 1:52
Katharine = 5:37
“I Believe I Can Fly” 1:43
“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” 2:34
“I’ve Got Nothing But The Blues” 1:20
Taylor = 5:18
“Dancing In The Dark” 1:35
“You Are So Beautiful” 1:56
“Try A Little Tenderness” 1:47
I’m hurt and pissed beyond belief. Personally, I have a lot going on, and now I’ve lost Elliott (at least for a year, fuckin’ contract restrictions.)
Psychologically, there’s tons of “transference” going on with me, but to me, E’s ouster symoblizes all the wrong in the world these days (America’s apathy and tendency toward the shallow) and I (selfishly) wanted E to win to show everyone that a good heart and true intention will win out over the superficial; much like Fantasia did in her year.
Sure, E may be better off without the AI album but, much like “Brokeback Mountain” this year, I needed him to win to prove a point…I cry because they didn’t get the recognition they deserve…and yeah, though that recognition is a superficial “Best Picture” or “American Idol” title, the underlying message is much more important: difference and diversity are good.
Never underestimate the poor judgment of the American people… I’m sure five years from now, Elliot will be the only name from this group still registering on the entertainment scale, with real talent and a real personality.
the other should change his mane to “McHicks”
With further thought I take my above comment back; he’s very real but I couldn’t put my finger on which reality is Taylor’s:
It was disturbing to watch Taylor’s reaction when garnished with praise after performing Tuesday—-the way he jostled up and down saying “soulpatrolsoulpartolsoulpatrolsoulpatrol..” reminded me of my nephew when he was two and a half bouncing with his arms in the air chanting: “an uddie..a doggie..a bottle..an uddieadoggieabottleanuddieadoggieabottle..”; Praise and childlike joy is great but I think he has some serious, serious mommy issues—his audience is his uddie, his tit.
(Watching his dour, dark expression when he’s been close to the bottom three was also like looking at the face of an child—one on the verge of a tantrum)
If he’s Mc anything…he’ll grow further to become “Grimmace” (the purple one)…or the hamburgler. No wait…he’ll become the clown-ish one, Ronald.
Love your writing. Love that you love Elliott. Love you.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed that Elliott had nearly a full minute’s less air time to sing than McRack or Taylor. And you are also the first pundit to point out what I’ve noticed all season long: that the “Bandzilla” practically drowns out some of the singers! We all know Elliott has power and projection to his voice – it does appear to be deliberate that the band was told to drown him out so he had to fight to be heard. Or maybe, even more sinister, the technicians were told to turn down his mic!
I have to say that I love Taylor, however! He makes me smile, and he’s hot! And the boy can sing. He’s been my #2 all along, behind Elliott, who had me from week 2 of the Top 24, when he turned out “Moody’s Mood For Love”. Until then, Tay was my first choice.
I sincerely hope McPhunbags loses to Taylor — she has had sooooo many awful, screechy, button-popping, deaf-by-melisma performances that she does not even deserve to be #2. Paris should have outlasted her. People are voting for Kat based on her looks.