His name is Kelly, but everybody calls him Red.

Yup, he’s Scots-Irish right down to his pubes. And he’s happy to prove it — as you will see, after the jump. But whoa, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Right now he’s sitting before us in his Dockers, shooting the breeze in his soft, Allegheny drawl, as cocky as a rooster. Yes, ol’ Red may be on a chemistry scholarship at a certain Southern university, better know for its lacrosse players, but he was raised deep in the “hollers” of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

He’s kind of proud of that fact, and he shows us a lecture he downloaded, written by one of Nightcharm’s (and — go figure — the President’s!) favorite authors, Tom Wolfe.

“Man,” says Red, “this guy has my whole family pegged!” And he starts reading. His voice has a gentle lilt that makes everything he says kind of sweet:

“Good ol’ boys are rural Southerners and Midwesterners seldom educated beyond high school or community college, sometimes owners of small farms but more likely working for wages in factories, warehouses, and service companies. (more…)