Has the anti-gay marriage strategy finally backfired?
For the Republicans last night, getting anti-gay amendments passed in six states proved to be the booby prize. The amendments carried but they didn’t necessarily bring Republican candidates with them — which was the whole point of this cynical exercise in gaybaiting. Let’s look at the tally.
Of the seven states considering gay marriage bans only Arizona rejected the measure, by a narrow margin, becoming the first state to do so.
The states that passed anti-gay measures were Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin.
But by the end of the evening, the legislation ushered in 30 Democrats, as well as 33 Republicans (see breakdown, below) — something of a wash for White House strategist Karl Rove, who has built a career on gay-baiting the Republican base and gay-slurring Democratic opponents.
Reports ABC News:
Republicans had hoped that the gay marriage issue would fire up their base and get them to the polls, as it did in the 2004 presidential election. Instead, conservative voters disenchanted with the party due to corruption scandals ended up pulling the lever for Democratic candidates but staying true to their fundamentalist values by rejecting gay marriage.
For example, about a third of Wisconsin voters who supported the gay marriage ban still re-elected Democratic governor Jim Doyle, according to a preliminary exit poll conducted for The Associated Press by Edison Media Research and Mitofsky International…
“The marriage amendment mobilizes more conservatives than liberals,” said conservative columnist and ABC contributor George Will. But he emphasized that these ballot referendums can sometimes “backfire.”
Will pointed to Missouri’s ballot initiative on stem-cell research. Republican strategists thought it would drive their base to the polls, but the amendment may have had the opposite effect and attracted more Democrats.
In Virginia, the marriage amendment drew support from Republicans, the deeply religious, and those who approve of the job the president is doing, according to exit poll information reported by The Associated Press.
While Democrats and those with the highest levels of education rejected it, college graduates who consider themselves independents were split in their support. African- American voters, usually considered part of the Democratic base, supported the ban on same sex marriage.
In the past, gay rights groups have tried to enlist the support of the African-American community, often comparing its battle for same sex marriage to the civil rights movement. But many in the African-American community are churchgoers and apparently resent the comparison; they oppose same sex marriage for religious reasons.
Bottom line, the opposition to gay marriage is and always has been a religious issue. Which is where the debate should stay, in the churches. The “sanctity” and “sacredness” of marriage are religious designations, not civic ones.
This is still America and not the Taliban’s Afghanistan. We should not be privileging one sect’s belief over another, or over non-belief. Civil marriage, as well as the federal benefits that come with it, is among the things that are Caesar’s, not the things that are God’s.
In Colorado – where the anti-gay marriage law was promoted and some think written by outed gay evangelical Ted Haggard — voters elected 3 Republicans and 4 Democrats to Congress, and a Democratic governor. 5 to 3, Democrat advantage.
Idaho elected 2 Republican Congressmen and a Republican governor. 3 to 0, Republican advantage.
South Carolina elected 4 Republican and 2 Democratic Congressmen and a Republican governor. 5 to 2, Republican advantage.
South Dakota elected a Democratic Congressman and a Republican governor. 1 to 1, tie.
Tennessee elected 4 Republican and 5 Democratic Congressman, a Republican Senator and a Democratic governor. 6 to 5, Democrat advantage.
Virginia elected 8 Republican and 3 Democratic Congressmen, with the Democrat being declared the winner in the Senate race (the call is not yet final at this writing). 8 to 4, Republican advantage.
Wisconsin elected 3 Republican and 5 Democratic Congressmen, a Democratic Senator and a Democratic governor. 7 to 3, Democrat advantage.
And Arizona, which defeated the anti-gay measure, elected 4 Republican and 4 Democratic Congressmen, a Republican Senator and a Democratic governor. 5 to 5, a tie.
End Tally: 33 Republicans and 30 Democrats elected.
I can see how those voting against gay marriage vote on religious terms. But this should not be confused with what marriage is, or what it represents in our society. It is a social, civil arrangement sanctioned by the state. (With its history of spousal ownership and “obeying” the head of household many gays choose not to pursue this arrangement). Those who do pursue marriage and exchange vows at the front of the church are not married. Not until that license is signed and filed in the courthouse.
Marriage is intertwined in religion, but when you think about it, so is everything else. Everything mankind did in its history, in every culture, from harvest to fertility rites, were blanketed in religion. Religion and Culture often cannot be separated.
To say marriage is a religious domain must require that you declare employment, entertainment, art, and everything else we engage in is also a religious issue. They are not.
I am not so much interested in marriage per se for gays, I am interested in WHY we would allow marriage for gays. The entry into that club is what is important, not the actual marriage, although it comes with crucial rights. If society recognizes the right for gays to marry, they are recognizing their humanity, dignity, equality, and a laundry list of other ideas. That which exists in the mind of man is more important than what is on paper. Yet, often we need to get it on paper to allow it to live in the mind of man.
A black civil rights worker once said, give me the rights, and the respect will follow. Often that is the case. That is why the marriage law is important and necessary.
I am watching the election carefully, and from what I see the right wing anti-gay tide is being stemmed, being tempered. But the fact that some constitutional laws were passed against us is like a sword in my chest. Even in this political environment, those laws passed. It means that we need to start the education, get access to the media, to change the message, to make strides, otherwise the outcome will not be the result we want at the end of these elections.
I think the constant push for gay marriage is the utmost stupid path for gay lobbyists and activists to pursue (that is, outside of gays in the military). At least, at this point in time.
We still have yet to have a comprehensive ban on discrimination in the workplace to prevent us from being fired simply for what one might suspect goes on in our personal lives. This is where the ground work should be done, as we all know, no fancy ass wedding can take place when you can’t really afford it because you can’t collect a pay check.
I think so many of these people who pursue “the right to marry” are from large cities with large gay populations. They can’t see past the great pink faerieland walls that brings on this ghettoization of thought in what they believe is deserved. “I deserve the same rights as my hetero counterparts in my fair liberal neighborhood”, which leaves no thought of the consequences to rural gays and those in red leaning districts. They are just left to the wolves, must suffer for it, and must fend for themselves.
These are grave missteps that will set back civil rights for gay men and women (with all the anti-gay hysteria in the way of discriminatory ballot measures) at least until all the baby boomers are dead and buried. This is not strategy or big picture thinking.
what a thoughtful and intelligent argument you make sam. thank you as it helped clarify somethings in my mind. i never cared for the idea of copying the hetero model of relationship or marriage but do agree with your view. one big mistake has always been since the first introduction of the equal rights amendment is about adoption by gays.
i won’t get into whether we should or shouldn’t as it is not relevant. i think rights are accomplished in certain steps and degrees. when we try to push with too much we sabotage everything. one has to understand the mind of the enemy and see how to achieve the ultimate goal. and to perceive our opponents as anything but enemies is a mistake.
one reason why america is hated by many these years in the world outside is the double standard and hypocricy. it is in any case a contratiction and blatent insult to the ideals of this country that black people, women or homosexuals have to fight at all for their equal rights. it was supposedly guaranteed from the outset. people are not altogether stupid and they see what america preaches and pushes and what they practice because of instant media.
i am saddened that the generations since the years of act up seem to have settled for a few rights and been more interested in sex, drugs and parties. i love sex and i can still dance in discos all night, without drugs or alcohol but we have failed to build a real society and community. the same is true in europe and there is growing controversy over CSD (gay pride) parades etc. i presently have mostly friends between 18-35 in various countries in europe where i chose to live long ago and they mostly don’t feel represented by what gay pride and the like exhibit. in fact they feel it only seems to reinforce the narrowminded heteros view of us. they argue that there is no real community. i must agree to a great extent based on personal experiences, especially in america and los angeles. i tell them they must fight for it and build it. but in truth we have no models or recognised leaders.
the majority of us is content with too little and does not use its power. it takes fighting and hard work to get those things on paper and to change the minds of people. i know and i remember the fight for civil rights. i am not black but participated in the fight because i had many black friends but also because it was simply the right thing to do. don’t think that because of will and grace (for me an insult to homosexual men) that we have achieved anything. or the endless token queer men who appear in this or that film or tv show. they never have a private life or personality seperate from the hetero scene.
maybe we will benefit a bit from the electoral message that has been sent, i doubt it. we do not make enough noise. still too many homosexuals hiding especially the ones with the money to fight. it is the squeaky wheel that gets oiled. from where i sit the religious right does all the sqeaking and with their numbers and money they have won much ground for the ignorant and mindless.
valid argument also by drub. although i am shocked and disturbed at this blatent attack on baby boomers. if we are to believe the 10% theory about homosexuality than that percentage exists also among baby boomers. that is in the neighborhood of 8 million people. not counting all you younger generations.
it is very american to find scapegoats and blame others. the germans do it also, they complain and gripe but are very passive people. that is why they needed a führer (leader). if you don’t like what is happening, vote. form groups, organisations, march, demonstrate. if all homosexual men and women would not drive one week, or shop one week or participate in the society financially one week, i believe there would be a big pinch felt.
but i don’t see or hear anything. gay men are still being beaten and murdered, here and in europe and barely a word is mentioned in the media. no one reacts. if you don’t like the baby boomers than do something different and fight harder.
some of us fought and marched and died for whatever rights exists today, few as they are.
..”still too many homosexuals hiding especially the ones with the money to fight. it is the squeaky wheel that gets oiled. from where i sit the religious right does all the sqeaking and with their numbers and money they have won much ground for the ignorant and mindless.”
Absolutely. I don’t believe in hidden homosexuality. One advantage other minorities have is that while they still endure hardships, they also exhibit and get credit for their successes. You can’t hide the color of your skin or your gender, for example. But you can hide your sexual preference. And if it can be hidden, it will be. That is our loss.
Legend, I’m with Drub on the baby boomer jibe, and the 10% argument holds no water. It’s the other 90% that gets these measures passed, and right now the single largest age group voting is the boomer set. There is definitely a mind-set that TENDS to go with the mainstream boomers, and these amendments are a sorry result of that. We’re talking the overweight, gas-guzzling, chruch-going middle class here, not the old hippies and civil rights activists, who were a marked minority even back then. Whenever there’s a demographic bulge that large, there tends to be a certain self-absorbed world view that those of us in the 10% (or born during & after Vietnam) have to suffer for.
I AM totally with you on your observations regarding the lack of a real queer community or identity that doesn’t revolve around fluff. It’s a real problem, but at the same time we have to remember that the only things defining us as a group are a) sexual preferences, and b) the crap we have to put up with for having those sexual preferences.
We have no national/regional origin, no great historic battles for freedom that have worked their way into the collective American psyche, no benefit of being a 51% minority. We have sex. And few things are more important or controversial as sex. Everyone does it, and no one with a Bible next to their bed likes to talk about it (and I mean that figuratively).
The ubiquity of sex — and of invisible “others” that do it differently — is what works so hard against against us, as it is something every “heterosexual” could potentially rally against, given the right cultural/religious framework. Visibility is the key, and not just in the sense of forming a self-supporting collective. Mixing into society at large AS INDIVIDUALS and not confining ourselves to WeHo and the Castro is crucial to making us real, breathing citizens in the eyes of the enemy; as things stand now, we are a distant but aggressive curiosity.
This is why cultural icons like Will & Grace and Brokeback — as vapid, sexless, and caricatured as many of us may find them — are so important. We become more human in the eyes of a housewife in Peoria, and if her neighbor or ex-boyfriend came out, there would be even less demonisation and greater acceptance on a personal, practical level. Bravery is important here boys, because you hurt more than just yourself by staying in the closet.
Drub hit the nail when he spoke of how easy it is for us in our pink-and-ivory towers (L.A. in my case) to pontificate together and come up with these issues that must be fought for. They should be fought for, and I for one will continue to fight, but those who are not as geographically fortunate as ourselves must also be considered, and when the backlash strikes, we ALL suffer.
Suffer we do, and suffer we will, but cowardice and convenience are the worst refuges no matter where you live. If you’re in a red state, get a gun and keep safe. But don’t hide. Some things are just too important for that.
Boomers the problem? Shall we review the history? Here’s what gay and lesbian boomers did
1. Politicized a bar raid in New York (the Stonewall riot) and created a national civil rights movement around it.
2. Created gay pride marches, which were about visibility. The first people who came to those marches were the people who had nothing to lose. They established the flamboyant tradition of drag queen and ass-out barbacks marching down the street — images that would be used against us, its true; but images that had a powerfully liberating effect on many trying quietly to pass — annoying them at first, but eventually making milder expressions of open homosexuality less sensational. The drag queens and the leatherboys were the shock troops of the gay rights movement. They moved the goal posts way out into left field; there was more middle-ground for the rest of us
3. Because many of the boomers were young then and in a party mode, the marches shed their angry fervor and became more fun Mardi Gras type parades. The celebratory and positive vibe of the gay rights march helped some people come out, seemed to say stop being so fearful and serious. Take the risk, live your life. Again those sensational images of drag queens and ass-out leathermen actually helped some people. One thing’s for sure, it also mobilized the conservative, Bible-thumping backlash against us. Can we please remember, it’s the backlashers that are creating the problem, not the loudmouths in the gay movement that pushed the goal posts?
4. Gay and lesbian boomers than politicized a fatal sexual disease, AIDS, into another push for civil rights. And again, the important outcome of the movement was wider visibility, and a more serious, socially relevant visibility, as now gay doctors, gay politicians, gay health care workers came out of the closet because the stakes were no longer theoretical. In the process, gay visibility took on a milder, average joe/ average jane look.
Lesbians came out as well, moved by the plight of gay men and got behind the fight. For the first time in the gay movement, there was a real solidarity between these two groups. Previously, Lesbians had always been more political in their take on the gay movement, seeing it as an arm of the feminist movement. This also made them more parochial, seeing the issue only in terms of women’s issues. Now both groups came together, united in a new, if unwelcome, seriousness, and got their eye on the same ball.
5. The boomers that created ACT UP and chained themselves to the doors of pharmaceutical companies and stopped traffic — a new breed of loudmouths, but loudmouths with brains, loudmouths on a mission — forced a right-wing president, the same Ronald Reagan the conservatives make such a saint out of now (wait, they’ll do the same to the current idiot in 20 years), forced Reagan to finally open his mouth and acknowledge that AMERICANS (not the shadow denizens of the lowlife) were in the midst of a NATIONAL (not a ghettoized) crisis.
6. Gay rights politicos in the young years used to say, if only we could all turn green at once, the civil rights push would be easier. Well, with AIDS, they got their wish in the most terrible way possible. The illness of Rock Hudson was an important national moment in gay visibility and AIDS visibility. And the gay boomers seized on it making gay visibility the subtext behind the red-ribbon campaign (yes, we all think it was very dumb now, very show-offy and self congratulatory — I’m so compassionate! I’m wearing my heart on my lapel! — but it was easily assimilated by the wider non-gay public and did what it was suppose to do: keep the pressure on.) Nobody was asleep at the wheel then, kids.
7. By the time, nearly 50 years after Stonewall, when gay domestic life became the gentle fodder for TV sit-coms, and the stuff of movie dramas, and the backstory on M-TV reality shows, the visibility issue had become a non-issue. Mock those silly shows and movies now if you like, they are important cultural bookmarks for where we are 50 years later.
Now the oddball gay person is the one who doesn’t come out of the closet. Now the only large congregation of closets are out in the far backwaters of the Republican party and the evangelical movement. I’m not saying that everyone is publicly out, but I think most gay people are out to their families and friends — or so I believe (Readers? Any disagreement out there?)
8. Gay marriage is the symbolic battle now. You think it’s the loudmouths of today demanding gay marriage that’s making it tough for rural Red State gays? It’s the backlash that’s making it tough for them. Do you really think the backlash would go away if we all just shut up? Is that what history teaches us? That it’s wise to ignore and appease the bullies? That the bigots would all be more reasonable if only we took our seats quietly at the back of the bus?
NOT MY HISTORY BOOK.
Discuss:
It was sad to see so many States turn their back on human rights and that so many Americans are so intolerant.
George W and your politicians like to spread democracy around the world – in some cases whether people like it or not. What a pity they cant spread tolerance in their own back yard.
Its easy to blame the religious for these backlash votes but I think that that might be to simplify things too much. After all divorce is not allowed by the Roman Catholic church and is banned by a number of protestant denominations and yet is present throughout the States – where is the religious obsession there?
Seems to me that gay rights are human rights and the correct way to tackle the bigots and ignorant is through a constitutional case where gays chose an issue where they do not have the same human rights as their heterosexual peers and take it to the Supreme court. It needs to be clear-cut, photogenic and based on fairness.
Get off the electoral train and go for the legal bulldozer. Its how its worked in Europe. Gay rights were deemed human rights. All valid European countries must sign the human rights agreement and thus its a gay mans right to get married just as much as its a straight mans. Its not happening quickly that countries are recognizing this, but important steps have been taken and there are now recognized legal marriages in a number of EU countries.
America is the home of the law suit. Use it!
Actually, the story here in Arizona may not be over. While it appears that we defeated the anti-gay marriage proposition, there are still around 200,000+ absentee ballots to be counted. Many of them are from conservative Maricopa county, so it’s still possible that the ban will pass. We’re keeping our fingers crossed, but we may not know for sure until sometime this week or next.
John, I’m a little taken aback that you have interpreted my comments as an attack on ALL Boomers, including the civil rights activists (of all breeds) of the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s. Clearly, the portion of my above post that reads, “we’re talking the overweight, gas-guzzling, chruch-going middle class here, NOT the old hippies and civil rights activists,” has been overlooked. (Then again, maybe I’m just blowing my own horn in thinking you were even referring to my comment!) In any event, I have previously expressed my gratitude to you and other members of the Advanced Guard who made so many leaps for us and continue to do so (see the ‘Galadriel’ closing response). I have no intention of keeping quiet myself, and as far as I know, never have. I can’t speak for Drub, but I know that many of my negative feelings for Boomers-in-general comes from being the child of a difficult Boomer parent, and it is therefore easy for me to see the same hypocrisy and self-satisfaction in many of that generation as I see in my own father. I apologise if you took that to mean that I reject or disparage the personalities and achievements of ALL Boomers, but I stand by the intended content of my post without reservation.
As for the personal visibility of coming out, I hold that the norm for gay men is NOT to be out. This is part of the illusion that so many of us who have always lived in large urban areas so easily buy in to (I for one do it all the time). We live in a world where it’s relatively easy to come out, and most of the gay boys have already done so. It’s WHY they’re all we see–the many who are still in the closet don’t live in WeHo under Rainbow street banners and do not pass into our everyday orbit. But my life as another “minority”–as a Mexican-American–frequently reminds me that so many who are living with wives, girlfriends, children, and beer-guzzling homies have very different longings beneath that stifling veneer. They are not out, and they probably never will be.
Our collective urge to be out and loud and to really DO something about our situation reminds me of a path many of us take as individuals. When we first realise those urges aren’t going away, we push it down and seek outlets covertly if at all (see the ’50s). As we come to terms with the reality of being gay and embrace it, we don’t just come out, we go WAY out, with patent leather and arched brows and studded cockrings and shameless back-room scenes (see the ’60s and ’70s). When we begin to fear for our lives, not from hayseeds with baseball bats, but from the real and deadly consequences of unrestricted sex, we develop a more pragmatic compromise (see the ’80s). And when we tire of being nothing BUT gay, we settle down a little, wear more sedate (but still very fierce!) clothes and start thinking about marriage and children and health insurance (see the ’90s to the present). These are all necessary and healthy steps in a progression many of as experience, both in our own lives as men and as a queer collective. We do not and should not regret any of these steps, nor should we expect to go back and repeat them. But the time for the attitudes of the ’60s and ’70s and ’80s and ’90s has passed, and new tactics and new compromises must be formulated. Those of us who were not there to fight at Stonewall, though we are not ready to settle down and adopt kids just yet, have to learn from the mistakes that those before us have made. Because mistakes have been made. And as kids we sat before the TV with our families around us and watched much of the story unfold before our eyes. And we learned how they see US, how they attack US, how an actor could become a world leader and convince them that WE are a problem.
Now we’re adults ourselves, and we have our own lessons to teach. The Movement is a simple fact of life to us–it has always been. This frees us from the expectations of a generation where Stonewall HAD to happen and binds us to our own sense of progress. Life isn’t THAT bad anymore, but it needs to get way better. I agree (again) with Drub in that we have to pick our battles, and equality in employment and housing are far more elementary than marriage. Headway must be made there first, and the lawsuit, as Bob explained, is the way to do it. We must remember that the Supreme Court is very fond of itself and its own traditions, and almost all decisions must have a precedent. Fair employment and housing already have precedent, are easier to win, and can be used to set precedent for more difficult cases like marriage. Civil rights laws already in place can be extended to include us in spite of legislative resistance. A premature loss on a difficult issue like marriage could prove disastrous, as Supreme Court decisions are extremely hard to overturn. Now is not the time.
John, I really do think many of your examples of gay baby boomers contributing came from those large cities where it was easier to come up with this community identity than say in a farm community in Kentucky. I’m not saying all baby boomers are the problem – just MOST of them who vote against humanity. I’m not criticizing the good ones, I’m railing against the comfortable majority! You compare baby boomers to gen-xers and the scales tilt dramatically in gay and lesbians favor. It is generational!
All I’m saying is the gay community really needs to pull it’s collected head out of it’s ass and start thinking about strategy or we are going to set all the hard work done by people who came before both of our generations who laid a groundwork. Surely, they are turning over in their graves as we speak. 7 out of 8 anti-gay marriage bans? What was it before that (their first thrust in our faces with this garbage) – 12 or something? Wow… that’s a lot of states in total. So if they wanted to reintroduce a Constitutional Amendment later down the road, one of the steps to ratify such (I do believe) is that the states have to approve it after it’s gone through Congress and the other branches to be approved and if the states are 3/4 (eventually) in agreement… and if that happens, I’m fleeing the country with help from Amnesty International. Unlike the Republicans, I have an exit strategy. I don’t want to stick around to see what else is planned for us.
It’s time the gay movement got back to it’s roots like a Dean campaign. Gay people don’t live in just big cities, out gay people live on farms, in small towns in Kansas, etc. I know because a lot of my good friends I have still are from/in the midwest. Let’s start thinking strategy. These cherry picked, high profile issues play right into their hands. There is still no protection on the books for job protection on a major scale. It sounds minor, but you lay the groundwork for what is right and wrong in the workplace and you start building on that.
Hey Drub, Hey Daniel
I love this kind of debate on the site. I respect your thoughtful takes on this subject. We just have different views on this matter.
I know that many places have no formal protections for discrimination against sexual orientation but I am really appalled to hear that employers, outside of church organizations, are actually firing people for their private, legal sexual behavior. I thought it was a possibility, I did not think it was actually happening. Is there evidence of this?
I concede then that marriage is a marginal concern if you have to worry about being fired for being gay. I’d like to know how common this is — although one case is already too many. So legislation against job and housing discrimination is, by far, a more pressing issue.
I do believe it’s the responsibility of every gay person to be out. Not loud, not obnoxious, not even necessarily bringing it up out of the blue. But it is important not to deny it. I also think it helps people who are struggling with coming out to see sober, reasonable people who are out. And it helps to see the hip, the cool, the flamboyant, loud and obnoxious ones, as well. A little spirit and color never hurt anybody.
In the best of all possible worlds, the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy would really be the way to go. Sexuality should only be important when it’s actually important, when you go to bed with someone, or confide in a doctor. But we don’t yet live in that world. We live in a world where a Ted Haggard is trying to be rehabilitated and restored to his probably make-believe heterosexuality. We live in a world where children are being taken away from their gay or lesbian parent in nasty divorces.
Here’s why I’ve gotten behind the gay marriage battle. For me, it’s a symbolic battle — as I think it is for our opponents. It’s a battle over whether homosexuality is a form of degeneracy or a legitimate sexual orientation. The religious right has been fighting to marginalize gay people for the last 30 years. When they weren’t trying to pass laws against gay teachers, they were trying to keep gay people out of the military. So if we concede on gay marriage, it will be something else. Their agenda: They want no formal, government recognition that gay people exist and are in fact citizens.
They know that eventually the courts are going to take this issue up, and then the issue will get drained of emotion and demagoguery and come down to hard points of logic
All opinions are welcome at Nightcharm. The more voices the better.
See link for gay workplace issues
34 States can legally fire somebody on the basis of sexual discrimination and 44 states can fire over gender identity. My brother has been fired from a waiter position, in Connecticut of all places, because he’s a flamboyant ‘mo. It happens all the time.
The country isn’t ready for happily married gay people because we haven’t done the groundwork for it. What good is being out if you can’t even get a job? Being out is a luxury for those who can afford it. Having lived in small towns and a large city in the midwest, I’ve seen people get fired for being gay (which was usually the underlying reason when some minor infraction was the reason given to cover up the horrible truth).
What needs to happen is social conditioning to show that working with a gay person isn’t so bad. You develop friendly working relationships with people in day to day jobs. And when a person does this, that person usually wants to see that new friend happy and questions about one’s personal life come up. If people can work with a gay person and actually like them, I’m a firm believer that a lot of stereotypes and prejudices melt away. Then and only then, do you move on to more symbolic triumphs like marriage.
It’s a simple game of chess to remove the stigma and bigotry and outmaneuver the right wing nuts who seek to do us harm. They aren’t that logical or very bright. As far as I can see, we have Massachusetts with marriage, Vermont with civil unions, and soon New Jersey with something very much like if not exactly the same as marriage… and then there are 19 states who have passed anti-gay marriage amendments into their constitutions in the last couple of years since the subject had been brought up. That doesn’t look like a winning hand to me.