What is it about men and guns?

We love all these hardassed guys in law enforcement, showing off their guns and pistols (and we don’t mean firearms) for a new 2007 calender that features New Jersey’s mighty-mighty finest.

Nasty looking fuckers, aren’t they? But then you’d have to be — or at least look that way — just to patrol the streets of Tony Soprano’s home state.

Oh we know other states have their hot cops and hot firemen and even undress them for calendars.

And to those other states, we say fabulash!! Keep up the good work. We have a very low threshold for going nuts over stuff like this.

But when all is said and done — and done is very much the operative wish, if not word, here — there’s something about that mean, Northeastern edge …that hardcore urban grit … that gives these Jersey cops such a potent air of menace. You just know they’re walking around with loads too much testosterone.

And no one should have to carry that load alone, n’est-ce pas Nightcharmers?

We hope they’re getting help for this condition. A double Y chromosome is a terrible thing to waste. (And by the way, men in blue, all our lines are currently open. Call NOW and receive your special bonus gift!)

Of course, they’re only showing off their bad selves for a good cause.

Proceeds from the 2007 Calendar Cops (which you can order here) will benefit the widows and orphans of slain policemen. And that warms our heart — no it does, really! … even if there’s another part of our robust happy persons that’s getting overheated as well. Bada-bing, indeed!

As they do every year, the company that produces the calendar held a contest for best-looking cop to be on the calendar’s cover.

“In the spirit of popular reality television shows,” said Stacy Thomas, a spokeswoman for North Jersey Media Group, “we thought it would be fun to let New Jerseyans tell us who they wanted as their cover cop.” The contest was conducted by a local news station, News 12 New Jersey, and the winner was announced last August, shortly after all of the photos were taken.

Believe it or not, the stunning man at right did not win! The guy they did pick — squinting into the sun as he was shot among the ocean pilings at Pt. Pleasant Beach — was …. well, check out the cover photo at the Calendar Cops website and judge for yourself.

It must be a straight-girl taste, or a Jersey thing, but sorry, Charlie, their winner is just not Starkist material.

We’d much rather be pulled over and given a warning by one of these butch pieces here.

Speaking of which, where do these guys find time to even write a ticket with all the hours they have to log in at the gym? Those big-boy buttocks and upper arms don’t just swell out on their own. Surely someone needs to be out walking a beat once in a while, shooting to kill. Heads don’t get cracked open by nightsticks on their own, you know! And what of the Dunkin Donuts? We ask you — what of the abandoned Dunkin Donuts?

Oh now we’ve done it. Cherry lights are spinning, handcuffs are flashing. We are sooo busted!

In the words of the calendar’s press release, we are about to encounter “a dozen of the fittest and finest guardians of the Garden State.” We are about to see “the sexy side of law enforcement” which includes — and we bless you Ms Stacy for writing it up like this — “six-pack abs and more muscles than you can shake a nightstick at.” (We knew those nightsticks would come in handy eventually.)

“Each month, from January through December, one shirtless male officer is featured in an “arresting” pose at locations around the Garden State, including the beach, the shooting range, a waterfall, a jail and a river.”

Take us away, officer.

Want to get your hands on some of that blue stuff?

Calender Cops 2007

Ever wonder whether cop fantasies come true?

Check out the Nightcharm article:
Cops and Firemen: Are They Doable?