Justin Timberlake: His Vast Body of Work

By Nightcharm / Saturday, January 13th, 2007
“The way Justin Timberlake is black now —
that’s how British Madonna is.”
– Kathy Griffin

Justin Timberlake as a gang bangerWhen you begin life as a Mouseketeer on the Disney Channel and you’re heading into elderly twinkdom, you get a little … well, desperate.

You might suddenly want street creds and ghetto bling, gold teeth and inky tattoos.

Anything but the naked, virgin chest of yesteryear’s Boy Band sensation.

You might want to be Justin Timberlake, who this month will debut in the film Alpha Dog as a white gang banger.

Think Emenem — but not repellent. Think, actually, babydoll cute with a slaveboy haircut and a lovely sun-kissed six-pack constantly on display.

Yes, Justin is all Street — except the street is Rodeo Drive.

Justin with gold capsAlpha Dog marks the first major American release for the pop-star turned actor. (A previous movie, Edison, was so bad it was pulled in the U.S after a disastrous test run in South America.)

The film recounts the real-life story of Jesse James Hollywood, a drug dealer who became the youngest men ever to be on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. Timberlake plays Hollywood’s best friend — a role he seemed to be understudying ever since he was sniffing around Britney Spears, only to be replaced when a real scumbag came into her life. (But on the subject of Kevin Federline and his suitability for depraved motel sex, Nightcharm has already waxed poetic.)

Justin with tattoo makeupIn keeping with a real (and really hideous) Rosary Cross tattoo that takes over much of Timberlake’s shapely upper arm, fake tattoos have been added for the role, including a humongous Virgin Mary, radiating sun rays (in her Mexican peon guise as Our Lady of Guadalupe); the year “1976″ marching across his pecs in HEADLINE-point figures; and the obligatory super-sized Chinese characters stacked down his torso.

Add the gold veneers on his front teeth and you have the fulfilled realization of the sort of bottom-feeder kitsch that JT, in his vanilla prettyboy way, has lately been aspiring to. And not simply onscreen.

Whatever happened to just looking clean and fuckable?

Why the scuzz look of rusty underwear and bad jalapeños breath? Talk about your wardrobe malfunctions!

In the words of Randy Jackson, American Idol‘s resident Scholar of Inner City Studies, “You’re totally off the chain, dawg.”

©2006 Nightcharm



  • paul

    …when good stylists go bad….

  • Greg

    Incidentally, the often hilarious website “Hanzi Smatter,” dedicated to the misuse and abuse of Chinese characters, has pointed out here that the fake tattoo on his arm reads, for reasons known only to the movie’s stylist, “ice skating.” (See also this post)

  • http://NakedMetalMan.com Kz

    Madonna, I suppose is really to blame for poor JT’s condition. After all, the Shiva of pop re-invention certainly paved the golden path for singers like our boy soprano; first as trashy bad-girl with the heart o’ gold, to sly dominatrix, to enlightened mystic mother, now to aging Kabala crone. JT probably picked up this mutating strain through accidental contact with one of the material girl’s handlers.

    Unfortunately, this malady is quite contagious and sometimes fatal, particularly among solo performers. (Michael J. we miss you!)

    Justin appears to be entering the “angry top” stage characterised by the projection of an over-worked image of sexual edginess and an attraction to all things devoid of color.

    If the disorder runs its course, JT will soon vanish only to reappear in penitent, simple-folk drag claiming to have found his “soul” after the advent of the miracle of his fatherhood. The birth of a new album will soon follow allowing JT to age up his demographic and find contentment until he must be cacooned again.

  • tess

    Nightcharm, where did you find that quote by Kathy Griffin? My gosh, it is so spot-on as to be scary!

  • Derreck

    JT = hottie hottie!

    Aaahh, what delights I’ve been mising during my absence these past weeks, which passed with bore and lack of good fantasy.

    Glad to be back.

  • sam

    this is not nakedness… sort it out!

  • http://daniexx12yahoo.com Danielle

    Does Timberlake have a real tattoo on his leg? I think I met him in Mexico yesterday……

  • Derreck

    Hmm, Justin is cute, but he was better. When I was even younger (about15) I used to smuggle hot images from celebreties by floppy disk to my computer. I didn’t have internet at home you see, so I got them from school.
    Heh, JT was one of the hotties I liked back then. Cruising along Google, I did find later images from him far less exciting (especially with girl). Same as Ryan Philippe (God he’s hot!!!), he is still handsome, but has kids. :(
    Why do gorgeous celebreties get old… sigh.

  • Timmy

    Didnt Justin have a sex tape out? Wway back when he and britney spears were dating?

    Id love to get mmy hands on that, :-)

    anyone know about this?

  • TERRA

    I THINK HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT> YA HE DID HAVE A SEX TAPE> OHH I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK>

  • Sam

    We have two Sams?

    What Justin is suffering from is exactly what was written…a disorientation stemming from grooming as a disney prop complete with white suburban name and looks, to being plunged into the competetive world of black ghetto-dominated pop entertainment while being a slight-looking pale white boy.

    The result is a desperate attempt for identity. In the musical/entertainment world the choices are few….country singer, heroin-addicted rocker, young clean cut boy band singer, angry skinhead or rapper, christian rocker. That’s about it.

    Really, this is what happens when your don’t grow your music and talent from experience and culture, but rather have it made for you. Now he’s got to work with what he’s got.

  • Christopher

    He’s not bad. But take a close look. Without the arms he’s just a little nebbish boy.

  • Thorn

    Sam with a capital S, spot on comment.

  • anon

    Terra, you took the words right out of my mouth. He is really hot, and I could ride that for hours! Way SEXY!!!

  • John

    He’s been trying to look tough for years now, but it just won’t stick. Poor Justin, he wants to be a man so bad, but once a Mousketeer always a Mouseketeer. I like the scruff/babyface combo, although my reaction is more “aww, cute” than “damn, hot!”

  • matt

    I don’t care how bad he looks with those tatoos. I would give anything to be able to suck his cock. Hey where is that sex tape?

  • george

    I wood give anything to suck his dickk everytime I think of him I get horny

  • shawn

    i think justin has brought sexy back and if i had the chance i would love to rip of every piece of clothing except his sexy underwear and visualize what i am going to do with his hot rock hard cock. i m so into him and never was when he was in nsync. now he is scruffy with a hot look. yum

  • DANIELLE

    YALL BETTER STOP LEAVING NASTY COMMENTZ ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND I DONT RESPECT YOU SAYING YOU WANNA SUCK HIS DICK FIND SOMEONE ELSE JTS GOT A GIRLFRIEND ITZ ME DONT BELIEVE ME SEE IF I CARE BUT I KNOW I HAVE SEX WITH HIM ALMOST EVERY NITE SO TO BAD HOW SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kai

    Anyone has nude pics of him?

  • Tom

    I just wanna suck his cock…ok.

  • Anonymous

    REGARDING JUSTIN…I HAVE PHOTOS OF HIM KISSING ANOTHER MALE…REACHING INTO HIS SHORTS…ETC. HE IS BI….

  • SAM

    I Have Nude Pics Of Him!!!!

  • CODY

    PUT SOME PICTURES OF YOU STANDING UP NAKED SO WE CAN SEE IT ALL

  • demos

    I think the pic is fucking hilarious! another fucking white boy trying to be an imitation ‘rapper’ looks just like some clone of the other fucking idiot Beckham,who thinks it’s masculine to deface his body with numerous fucking nonsense tatoos.
    What a dickhead!

  • Brad F from C town

    Justin is so fukn hot I would love to suck and fuk him all night. Where can I go to see the pics of him kissing another guy? Are they real or fake? I have seen one of him kissing a dude in a car when he was younger it was hot, if he is bi I sure would like to take him on anytime.

  • Anonymous

    I would love to suck Justins cock!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    you all say you have the pic and videos…well lets see some proof…i want to see

  • J. tep

    YUMMY I LOVE DICKSSSSS!!!!!!!

  • i thnk david beckham is so fucking hot i would luv 4 him to fuck me n da ass all nite long!!!

    naked david beckhem

  • CHICKIE

    OH GOD JUSTIN I WOULD EAT HIM UP ALL DAY AND NIGHT ….I JUST WANT ONE NIGHT THATS ALL……… I WOULD TEAR THAT BOY UP I FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH JESSICA BIEL IS THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD, TO BE ABLE TO TASTE HIM EVERY DAY AND NIGHT DAMN GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLL JUSTIN LOVE YA BABY IM IN SOUTH PHILLY NEXT TIME UR HERE ILL BUY YA A CHEESESTEAK AND WHATEVER ELSE U WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ……I LOVE U BABY CHICKIE XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 
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