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Easter Special: Great Moments in Jesus

by John Calendo
A NIGHTCHARM CLASSIC
from April 2006, with a new UPDATE

Jesus as Fashion ModelWelcome to the United States of Rapture.

Can there ever be enough Jesus? Having won their War on Christmas (yes, we are happy to report, it will be held again next year) and signing up their flocks in Republican voter drives, and enlisting all those happy, shiny evangelicals as “Marriage Protectors” (not to be confused with Athletic Protectors), Christians in America are straining under their persecution.

It is a persecution that comes from living in a country where false religions are unpunished by public burnings at the stake, where science is still taken seriously, where the death prayers and earthquake fatwahs of the Reverend Pat Robinson have become — shock! — a national joke!

Because Jesus is simply not ubiquitous enough, not embedded in art, books, movies, songs and gift-shop brick-a-brac enough, Nightcharm lists some rare but recent sightings of this obscure First Century Deity — hard because in America, his hidden catacomb cult is relegated to megachurches, cable networks, and weekly councils with the President.

Here then are our favorite moments in Jesus USA.

Oops, we forgot. First a prayer from the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart. Please bow your head …

“I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion! Perhaps around their necks. And maybe — dare I dream it? — maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President! Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.”

 

Amen. And take it away, Jesus ….


 

Jesus as Fashion Model

On the runway -- oh praise!Yes, the Prayer Warriors have taken to the runways (praise!) and our brave Jesus look-alikes even wear designer crosses around their necks, like our gorgeous hunk Anderson Dornelles at right, soon to be martyred, no doubt, by movie offers from the TBN network.

Our Lord appears also on the covers of male fashion magazines — like the one above, where Jesus seems to be getting a mudpack — or is it a skin peel? Readers?

Naturally, Vman magazine can’t admit they’re referencing the Nazarene. They’re liable to be put on the payroll of the faith-based arm of Administration Bush. But the angle of the head, the beauty in suffering of the expression, and the telltale blond highlights are secret signs that any Pentecostal can read (when not examining tortillas or weather stains).

Jesus Among the Ballerinas

Lord of the DanceO, suffer the little ballerinas to come onto the Christian gift shops, which have sprouted up secretly in every corner of every mall in this sinful country.

There they will find Our Lord of the Ballet, as well as Our Lord of the Wrestling Mat, Our Lord of the Gridiron, and Our Lord of the Little League.

Also available are scripture candy bars, Trivial Pursuit — Revelations Edition, God Knows All About You bumper stickers, and, of course, those gruesome 3-inch crucifixion spikes from The Passion of the Christ (what a beautiful film!)

Can I get an Amen somebody!

Muscleman Jesus

Boris Vallejo - Jesus on the crossOur God is ripped and ‘roided and ready to kick butt.

But first He has to save the world and do his cross thing. Watch it with the flexing, JC, or you’ll ruin everything.

This absolutely sincere painting by fantasy artist Boris Vallejo went for a King of Kings’ ransom when it was auctioned last year on eBay. Never has the Prince of Peace looked less like a peacenik. Proof, in the words of Dr. Dobson, that Jesus “was no fairy.” Even the Breck Girl comb-out is working.

Yo, JC. If things go south on that Rapture deal, there’s a Pay-per-View WWE Smackdown in your future.

Paging Johnny Nitro.

Oh, Sweet Jesus! (2007 UPDATE)

Sweet Jesus by Cavallaro And Jesus so loved the world he now melts in your mouth! Compare Vallejo’s Muscleman Jesus to the Chocolate Jesus of artist Cosimo Cavallaro, at left.

Suspended eerily in air with knees bent and arms spread, My Sweet Lord has the conscience-wracked face of a Max von Sedow and a full-frontal chocolate penis that Anderson Cooperr on CNN assured us was “anatomically correct.”

“I felt the body of Christ, the meaning of Christ, was about the sweetness,” the artist told our boy Anderson. Citing the precedent of church altarpieces that feature nude or near-nude Christs, Cavallaro said his intention was not to shock the viewer but “to have people taste and feel what they’re looking at, in their mouth.”

We’re down with that. In our mouth, you say? Kewl.

Predictably, though, an irate blowhard from the Catholic League confronted the artist on the CNN show, calling the piece “hate speech.” Though Cavallaro insisted, perhaps a touch too coyly, that the piece was intended “to celebrate the body of Christ in a sweet, delicious, tasteful way,” the Catholic League spokesman went off, as he usually does, like a drunk in an Irish bar, snarling and frothing in a bravura display of hyperbole. (Don’t miss the video.) This, despite the practice of his own church where the body of Christ is thought to be literally consumed in the form of a communion wafer.

But back to our comparison. Against the unabashed Americana of Vallejo’s Harly-Davidson Jesus, Cavallaro’s figure brings to mind the anguished, sour-faced Christs of the Northern Renaissance.

Sorry Boris but when it comes to art, serious will always trump sincere. While the Vallejo work is kitsch and fun, the Cavallaro, for all the postmodern irony of its chocolate medium, has the sting of real art.

Jesus on Hollywood Boulevard

Lift up thine eyes, O Lord.

 
 

 
 

Jesus and the Same-Sex … What!

Jesus as Shaman God works in mysterious ways. Some more mysterious than others.

Jesus and the Shamanic Tradition of Same-Sex Love by Will Roscoe reports that Jesus practiced a secret rite of one-on-one baptism with other men. It involved nudity, the transference of “spirit” … and, when the wind was blowing just right off the Sinai, really hot, headbanging sex.

And maybe just maybe that’s why Jesus was crucified.

According to the Secret Gospel of Mark — a gnostic text that appears in no official Bible but is the source for Roscoe’s book — Jesus is caught in the Garden of Gethsemane just as a naked boy escapes into the bushes.

Apparently Our Lord was “baptizing” the boy in a mystic ceremony that was a metaphor for what it felt like to enter heaven. We kinda get the picture. But the Roman guards hadn’t meditated that day so they were totally lost.

Signs and wonders, children. Signs and wonders.

What Would Jesus Play?

ipod Jesus “There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will.”

That’s not scripture, brothers and sisters — that’s Shakespeare. In other words, Man plans, and God laughs. He can be a hardon like that.

How can we — poor, banished children of Eve that we are — possibly please HIM? How about an iPod, the 60 gigs number. And we’ll put together a playlist, a little mash note from — remember us? — your fallen Claymations on Earth.

Here you go, Lord. Just press this thingie over here, and kick back, dude. Say what? Oh just some things we cooked up, things like

  • Mr. Wonderful (That’s You)
  • Caught Up in the Rapture (With You)
  • Every Little Thing You Do (Is Magic)
  • Heaven (Must Be Missing an Angel)
  • Love Child
  • Half-Breed
  • Gloria (Laura Branigan Acid Mix)

and of course,

  • Play That Funky Music (White Boy)

Jesus Appears as Francis Farmer

Crucification - Francis Farmer With God, all things are possible. So why not appear as Francis Farmer, the troubled movie star from the 40′s? One human envelope as good as any other to cloak the mystical body.

In the work of Karen Whitehill — a favorite Nightcharm artist — Jesus is always female, a striking concept but done from a reverent impulse.

Rather than the traditional Italianate Jesus, the 20th Century body of a female movie star startles our expectations, stresses the universality of God, a God that transcends natural reality and is beyond such earthly measurements as time, age and sex. Like an irrational number, Whitehill’s Jesus can not be divided, has no square root, is beyond a final decimal point.

Hence her use of long dead (and thus, no longer litigious) movie actresses: the famous face that is both familiar and remote pasted upon iconic Christ poses – carrying the cross, preaching to the multitude, rolling back the stone. The impact of Francis Farmer crucified, for instance, is at first humorous, after a moment surreal, then finally sublime.

Behold, I show you a mystery!

Jesus USA

Jesus smites the ConstitutionPerverts and Secularists are trying to bring down the People of God! “Sides are being chosen,” Tom Delay warned the faithful who gathered in Washington for a conference on “the War Against Christians” last month (February, 2006). “And the future of man hangs in the balance!

Coincidentally — and certainly this must be sheer happenstance — Tom Delay’s future hangs in the balance as well. Currently under multiple criminal inditements but introduced as “a man that God has appointed” to Congress, Delay praised Jesus profusely.

After the standing ovation, one of the podium ministers declared “God does his best work after a crucifixion,” referring to Delay’s abrupt departure from Congress under a cloud of corruption charges. “I believe the most damaging thing that Tom DeLay has done in his life is take his faith seriously into public office, which made him a target for all those who despise the cause of Christ.”

Among those who despise the cause of Christ, in the view of the conference, which styled itself as a “wake-up call for America,” were gay activists, evolutionists, stem-cell researchers and the husband of Terri Schiavo. Verily, verily, Jesus must have wept.

But that has not silenced the minions of Satan!

From Soldiers of Christ by Chris Hedges, which appeared last year in Harpers after a similar conference:

Dominionists [hardcore evangelicals] preach that Jesus has called them to build the kingdom of God in the here and now …

America becomes, in this militant biblicism, an agent of God … the Ten Commandments form the basis of our legal system, Creationism and “Christian values” form the basis of our educational system, and the media and the government proclaim the Good News to one and all…

Some Dominionists would further require all citizens to pay “tithes” to church organizations empowered by the government to run our social-welfare agencies, and a number of influential figures advocate the death penalty for a host of “moral crimes,” including apostasy, blasphemy, sodomy, and witchcraft.

The only legitimate voices in this state will be Christian. All others will be silenced

I can’t help but recall the words of my ethics professor at Harvard Divinity School, Dr. James Luther Adams, who told us that when we were his age … we would all be fighting the “Christian fascists.”

He gave us that warning 25 years ago, when Pat Robertson … began speaking of a new political religion that would [take] control of all major American institutions, including mainstream denominations and the government, so as to transform the United States into a global Christian empire.

Jesus forgives homophobiaAt the time, it was hard to take such fantastic rhetoric seriously. But fascism, Adams warned, would not return wearing swastikas and brown shirts.

Its ideological inheritors would cloak themselves in the language of the Bible; they would come carrying crosses and chanting the Pledge of Allegiance.

©2006 Nightcharm

41 CommentsLeave a Comment


  • Tom

    8 years ago

    Nice work John – you took all of the words right outta my mouth and now I have nothing left to say. Darn.

    I couldn’t agree more, line for line and word for word. Thanks for wrapping that all up so well in one nice little easter basket.

  • LAO

    8 years ago

    As always, John speaks truth in a dreadful time, especially for people who are, within sane borders, trying to be Christian, nowadays cringing at the word Christian. It passed over my mind recently that George W. Bush really may be the anti-Christ, so much of what he does under the label of Christian being so against all that I at least understand as representative.

  • Amsel

    8 years ago

    What’s the model’s name (in the bathing suit)? Anyone?

  • Presley

    8 years ago

    Jesus The Musical rocks!

  • Jimmy Woo

    8 years ago

    I’d like to place an order for that ballerina figurine set, but there’s no link to the product. FUCK.

  • Nightcharm

    8 years ago

    The ballerinas as well the other bric-a-brac mentioned in the piece can be found at catholicshopper.com. Click on the link to “Jesus Sport Statues”

  • Joe Blow

    8 years ago

    The dreamboat in the bathing suit is named ANDERSON DORNELLES. Extremely hot. See (link)

  • Derreck

    8 years ago

    Well guys, I could get started on telling you how much this post is a disgrace on Christians all over the world. If only the Christians were worthy of standing up for…

    The problem with today’s christians is that they have lost all sanity to the ready-made answers of the church. People no longer think about God, or any higher power.

    Instead they search for sinners they can blame sinning, and atheists they can blame being blind. But the true blind are the ones that yell hardest in the name of God.

    Anyway, I have been gone for a while, due to religious and personal matters with my family. (God it’s hard to be gay and religious.) And feel troubled for being away from you folks so long.

  • David Byrne

    8 years ago

    Many people think that the naked boy who escaped from the garden was probably Lazarus. There is a similar discription of him clad only in wispy transparent cloth that was taken out of the Mark gospel in the 9th century. That account followed the raising from the dead story and went on to say that Lazarus spent the night alone with Jesus and that Jesus taught him “all the secrets of the Kingdom”. No doubt he was not only baptised then but recieved his “first holy communion” probably both oral and anal.

  • Derreck

    8 years ago

    Anyway, Jesus is not the kindah guy I fancy… ;)

  • shelly

    8 years ago

    jesus is not supposed to be sexy. wtf? I am as liberal as anyone and wave my freak flag with pride but this is straight nasty. I’m not talking censorship but what about taste? This is the kind of thing that makes the crazy right wing seem logical. Don’t give them any more ammo.

  • rob

    8 years ago

    I think Jesus was supposed to experience everything and I blieve he experienced sex in all ways including men.

    Jesus is def sexy and there is nothing sinful about it.

    I would have been honored to help him experience all that sex can offer :-)

  • nayyar

    8 years ago

    hello i just rubhish
    wht ugly u creat this
    i prayer the god please finish these peoples
    okai all the busters

  • Scotty

    8 years ago

    Loved this post! Just found this site and I’ve been digging through your archives and what a treat it has been!

  • Jim

    8 years ago

    Read the Jesus Papers, Holy Blood Holy Grail and the Di Vinci Code. Do your home work and you will find that most scholars agree that Jesus did not die on the cross, that he was married and had children and lived a long life. There is hard core evidence that backs this up.

    Very nice site by the way. Jesus would be proud of it.

    Jim

  • Rickardo

    8 years ago

    Que falta de respeito para com Deus!!!!

  • Mike

    8 years ago

    Actually, if you really DO the homework you’ll find that things like the DaVinci Code and the Gnostic gospels are not supported scientifically, nor historically. The Gnostic gospels, where the DaVinci Code got most of it’s info, were written more than two hundred years after Jesus. The New Testament Bible that we have today was written mostly between 25 and 70 years after the death of Jesus. Of the two, I think I would have to trust the one that HISTORY trusts, not the one of Dan Brown’s fantastical novel.

  • i got issues

    8 years ago

    Wrong, Mike. The earliest gospel was written around 80 A.D. Most of the others were written a century or two later. As for the gnostic gospels not being supported “scientifically,” neither are the official ones. They are not even eye-witness accounts or what we now think of as factual history. The gospels came out of a primarily oral tradition that grew up around the rabbi Jesus. It wasn’t until the third century that Jesus was declared a God. Until then, many Christian believed he was an inspired, but quite mortal, teacher. Some Christians, particularly those living in Greece, where human Gods were common, always made the divinity claim. But it was not the majority view until the Emperor of Rome made Christianity the official state religion.

  • Ben

    8 years ago

    Jesus is Jesus – quit picking on him.

    Who you should be picking on are the Christians who aren’t. (Christians who say they are christians and believe they are christians, but don’t show it in their actions, etc.)

    Phelps isn’t a Christian, neither are most of the members of his church. They twisted the Bible to mean several things that it doesn’t.

    The bible isn’t entirely sound in it’s construction. One of the Kings (King James?) Had certain parts of the original bible burned because he didn’t like them, and certain words/phrases were changed along the line to suit the translator. You should take the text of the Bible with a grain of salt. While most of the text might be sound, we can’t really tell what is and isn’t. What was in those parts of bible that were destroyed? We may never know.

    If you believe in God and that Jesus is his son ,nd follow the 10 commandments to the best of your ability,and ask Jesus into your heart (sincerily), living your life to it’s fullest and doing what is right (and asking for forgiveness when you don’t) then you should be going to heaven. I’m not God/Jesus so I can’t tell you if this is enough, but it’s what I believe, and I’m sticking to it until proven otherwise. The only way I’m changing that belief is if God sends me a direct message that is clearly from him stating what to believe.

  • jimmy

    8 years ago

    I went to a church at 16 to get “this out of me” homosexuality I mean, and that first night, at 16 years of age, after “youth group” at Heritage USA, jim and tammys place in Charlotte….I fell madly in love, with a young man that I still love, I’m 30…Thats God to me, soon after I came out. God gave me him, Vince, and thats what let me know that I was for sure a homosexual. Jesus is love, he proved it to me that night, even though it took me years to recognize the irony, Im still with Vinny, 13 years later, and not attending that hate filled church. There is hope. Worry is lack of faith, to me, and I definitely have faith in a higher power, how can I not. When does a flower know when to bloom, how does music give me goose bumps, and why did i meet the love of life in the MOST unlikely place?

  • Tim

    8 years ago

    One time I sorta dated/had sex with a guy who looked like Jesus. Long hair, beard. He was a hair dresser. One time we were kissing, and I opened my eyes, and looked at him, and I thought, “Wow! Jesus is kissing me!” So, I would think it’s hot to make out and make love to/with Jesus.

  • sr. iamosamaDelight,the sodomite

    8 years ago

    You have uplifted and inspired me, given me respite from flirt4free and seancody 2, blessed be! and while we are about prayer lets particulary remember the terrible plight of iranian and iraqui queer boys being hanged in public by their fundamentalist governments. Outragelondon has published the painful photos from last year’s state sanctioned hangings of gay teenagers in Mashad Iran. I weep with compassion for such tender innocence maligned and curse to the depths of my soul the hiddeous perpetrators of such violence in the name of their gods. It is not what jesus or mohamed or rumi would do.

  • Jake

    8 years ago

    I wanna make love to Jesus cos he’s too sexy.

  • TM

    8 years ago

    You are soooooooooooofucked up.

  • Anonymous

    8 years ago

    Ever heard of the word BLASPHEMY.
    It’s mentioned in the bible about a thousand times.

    Have you read what it says about the end times, about people
    twisting Gods words, rampid perversion, lovers of sin, haters of God.
    It’s all pretty much in there, and your doing a pretty good job of proving it’s accuracy.

  • Jimmy

    7 years ago

    Its so sad how how Jesus came on this earth to save us from everlasting death and preserve our lives and actually dying for us and all you guys can think about is having sex with him. Please THINK about what you say and do.

  • Rob

    7 years ago

    Jesus loves you but not enough to swallow.

  • Sonny

    7 years ago

    the failed logic and irrational speculation of this rapture-obsessed, ‘premillennnialism’ of the Fundalmentalist Christianity must be held up to ridicule and contempt. Continue the fight John; appreciate the conraderie of your site and re-introducing your observations.
    At the parochial end, Ratzinger had been enforcing ‘crimen sollicitationis’ at the Vatican these past twenty years, suppressing any enquiry into the protracted abuse by priests. Yesterday, CNN’s coverage of his glittering prostation at the Vatican is obsene. False humility.
    The Holy See has always controlled sexuality by force. Enforced celibacy is a denial of the very essence of Human Nature; sex is a primal urge.
    The bloated arrogance of these intolerant belief systems precludes logic and reason; Taoists, Confucians, Buddhists, even Hindu’s puzzle at the West’s fixation for a ‘creation story’
    Academics, before Richard Dawkins, used to dismiss this as ‘desperate variations on a boring theme’ or ‘perhaps boring variations on a desperate theme’

  • Sonny

    7 years ago

    further: somewhere out there in the aether/internet, I suppose, or maybe just wish, that TED HAGGARD is keeping up to date via these sites; If he is, here ia an offer of ‘atonement’ (not the Easter kind) I regret my angry notes last year at ‘The Hypocrisy’ and your response to Richard Dawkins’ British Documentary.
    Not the Fundamentalist stuff; I still admire you, your verve, your leadership; your mouth and your eyes have a profound eagerness to connect…like others at this site, hope you are seeking/embracing a congruent identity and not swamped by your in-laws, elders, and ‘charletons’ Fare Well Ted.

  • Ken Anderson

    7 years ago

    1) Who says Jesus is not supposed to be sexy?

    2) The right-wing will hate gay people no matter what we do. I think we should throw this stuff in their face every chance we get. I’m a bourgeois homeowner in a monogamous relationship of eight years? Does the right wing respect me because in every way except the gender of the person I’m with I’m a typical boring, law-abiding American? No, they think I’m a big threat to their families and are busy trying to pass laws to take away whatever rights I have. I will respect their bullshit religion the minute they start respecting my humanity.

    And Shelly, how tasteful was the Inquisition? Or the Holocaust, which happened in a Christian nation – presumably most of those Germans working in the camps slaughtering the Jews thought they were good Christians.

    You naive liberal twit, if the right-wing nuts take over, do you think you are going to be off the hook just because you are “tasteful” and respect other people’s delusional belief systems. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!!!!!!!!!

    Shelly says:

    >jesus is not supposed to be sexy. wtf? I am as liberal as anyone >and wave my freak flag with pride but this is straight nasty. I’m >not talking censorship but what about taste? This is the kind of >thing that makes the crazy right wing seem logical. Don’t give >them any more ammo.

  • Matt P.

    7 years ago

    An above comment read: Ever heard of the word BLASPHEMY.
    It’s mentioned in the bible about a thousand times.

    Not in the Gospel, it isn’t.

    It’s easy to get Christianity and Christ confused. In today’s world, people are always calling on the name of Jesus to justify discrimination and exclusion. In truth, Jesus didn’t care if you were “Christian” or not – it’s impossible for him to have. Jesus never met a “Christian,” because Christianity didn’t exist as an identity until after Jesus died – and Jesus’ teachings delt with people as they were, in an internal, personal, non-dogmatic relationship with God that condemned, not the “sinners,” but Conservative preachers and the rich and powerful.

    I have a feeling that if Jesus really is God (which is a feat to wrap one’s brain around, since hardly anyone can even define “God” to begin with, let alone the concept that one person can be more a part of “God” than any other,) his sense of humor is big and friendly enough to encompass even the most unsavory commentery about him. He’s been through worse, after all.

    As an ex-Catholic-turned-Unitarian Universalist, I’m not exactly an authority on Christian doctrine. My views are anathema to most Evangelicals and even some more moderate Christians. But I can still open up the Bible and decipher what it says. The world “heresy” is not there, nor is the word “Christian” ever uttered by Jesus.

  • Charlie

    7 years ago

    I agree with Shelly. Coming from a Pentecostal upbringing this definitely is an abomination against God. People that render these comments about Jesus are people that have never experienced the Holy Spirit. God says that making fun of the Holy Spirit is the one sin that you will not be forgiven for. Get ready to burn in eternal hell people. This is the only thing that you all that indulge in defaming God have to look forward to. I know God and his son are real what is more ridiculous about this whole thing is that people have trouble trying to make sense of what the bible says but now there is this Will Roscoe who not only cannot interpret the bible but now makes up his own story of Jesus. I can just imagine how God looks upon him in shame. I see this website and I do realize I am living in sin and hope to one day get back on track with God as I used to be. But irregardless of the fact, I don’t defame Jesus since I am too smart to set myself up for failure on judgement day.

  • Charlie

    7 years ago

    Also in respect to Ken Anderson: God does not hate us gays, like parents don’t hate their kids just because they are doing wrong. God loves his people but he hates the sin that Satan instills in us to do. If you think that you are living a respectful and good life (i don’t know if you mean in regards to God) then that is your decision. There is a reason why God sends his holy spirit to the true believers and that is to guide us in knowing what the truth is. This is not a matter of the bible. In reality we would not even need the bible to be right with God because the Holy Spirit will guide you. The bible is there to strengthen your relationship with God. But seeing that you think you are in the right I will tell you right now,that is testimony to the fact that you have not experienced the holy spirit.

  • Jerry Weiss

    7 years ago

    Happy Passover and Easter season to all of you.

    Namaste, babies.

    Putananda Ritz
    (aka Jerry Weiss)
    Founder and chief rabbi,
    Gay Rabbis for Jesus

  • Charlie

    7 years ago

    Sorry guys, one more comment and I will stop. I am amazed at how many people have posted positive comments about God and Jesus. They are real. This is not something that just arose like the Davidian compound in Waco,TX,or the people that all of a sudden said they were to drink poison because a spaceship was going to come for them; this has been planned out by God for hundreds of years and I can’t imagine how it is that some people don’t find that even curious. As far as the comment about blasphemy where it says in the “end times”, I agree with that comment also. Wether we want all this bull***t to happen or not, God said it has to come to pass….I wish this world was a much better place but I know diabolical people have to exist in order to fulfill the revelations of God(which i am saddened by). I hope that I will see a lot of you having been saved in heaven because I know that I will change my ways and have a place in heaven with God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost. Everyone has the right to believe what I say or not. After all God did give us the RIGHT to choose right and wrong. You can comment on what I say but it is not necessary to be a nasty person in regards to comments like mine, but if you enjoy it, let your carnal desires continue to lead you.

  • Nightcharm

    7 years ago

    A NOTE TO OUR READERS:

    Ordinarily we delete comments that promote the joining of a particular religion or that attempt to guilt-trip gay readers with religious propaganda — as some of the comments above do.

    However, in this case, we feel it’s fair play. The very nature of our spoofy “Great Moments in Jesus” invites strong reactions.

    And as long as the posters keep it civil, we think it adds to the discussion. We ask our readers to be civil in their replies.

    In general, the (rather gentle) proselytizing you find here would not be allowed in our secular pieces and would result in the writer being banned from posting future comments.

    All are welcome here, nevertheless. Enjoy Nightcharm.

  • Ken Anderson

    7 years ago

    If there were a god, I’m sure that his/her/its mind and sense of humor would be large enough to encompass the content of this feature without freaking out about it.

    What people imagine god to be really says a lot about their own psychology. I feel sorry for the people who imagine god to be some kind of narcissistic, small-minded, petty, sex-obsessed, tyrant. It can’t be fun to walk around with that image all the time. At the risk of being a cliched armchair Freudian, their mommies and daddies must have really worked them over. I suggest finding a good therapist.

    This post is not meant to be snide. I really do have compassion for anyone who is trapped with such a harsh conception of the divine.

    To Charlie: Just because you are gay doesn’t mean you have to give up your religion. There a plenty of religious people out there who accept homosexuality and realize that what the Bible says about it is a product of the primitive beliefs of a tribe that lived thousands of years ago and is not necessarily relevant for today. Ever heard of the Metropolitan Community Church? It is a church for gay and lesbian people that was founded by a Pentecostal minister named Troy Perry. I urge you to check it out.

  • Jerry Weiss

    7 years ago

    Whatever your conception of God is, you have to come to the conclusion that he/she is pretty heavy into S&M. I mean just look at the food chain, tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, wars — the world is the Mine Shaft sans the play-acting. In this context, I’ve always thought that the JC story fit very nicely.
    The ultimate power bottom.

  • Charlie

    7 years ago

    The bible is the word of God. Because you don’t like a certain passage or because something stated in it happened hundreds of years ago does not mean one ignores it. We will all believe what we want and I understand that; but only when one experiences the holy spirit will you know the truth; until then you will rely on what men (i.e. ted haggard, etc…) say. I can guarantee you that those that are truly in God knew Ted Haggard was an evil entity but I see I will not be able to convince, nor is it my intent, people that keep believing everything that the secular realm beleives and not what the word of God says. I love God with all my heart and I hope to be in heaven before the tribulation. It is unbelievable how some people believe some parts of the bible and not others. To me that is so weird. The bible has existed for hundreds of years and reveals everything that happened in the past, everything happening now and everything that will happen. If a human being does not have the capacity to see how wonderous and true that is, I render myself speechless.

  • Gry

    7 years ago

    One might say you’re guilty of the very thing that drove me away from the church: condescension There’s never any quarter given to individuality, non-conformity, or critical thought. You fall in line or else. “You poor deluded lost souls, if only you could see the light as I have.” It’s just casual, entitled vanity. There is no guarantee or indisputable truth you can offer. If there is a great wheel, you’re as much a cog in it as anyone else. Every culture has a creation myth and most religions are based on the idea of exclusion, of one people being “chosen” over another. It’s not original and not even that new.

    In the whole grand scheme of history and cosmogony, why is where we stick our dicks so important? And why should we be expected to live our lives according to millennia-old standards that couldn’t anticipate wide-ranging social shifts that would arise down through the ages?

  • charl

    5 years ago

    I’m surprised in this day and age there isn’t more Jesus porn. Being a very bitter ex-Catholic, sex fantasies about Jesus are logical and powerful for me. Maybe it’s why I’ve always preferred lean guys. If I did believe Jesus was God, I would wonder what it would have been like if Jesus had been really fat. Just a thought.

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