The Stud Bait that is David Beckham

Thank you Wikipedia.

In a rather delightful entry on Gay Icons, Wikipedia lists David Beckham alongside George Michael, St. Sebastian and Peter Pan as iconic gay dreamboats.

That would explain — as if any explanation were needed beyond the evidence of our own two eyes — what occurred last Saturday in Valencia, Spain.

It was during a football game when the cutest fanboy in all the world breached security, ran onto the field and, in his adorable big-eyed Iberian way, asked the Becks for the same thing anyone in their right mind would ask for — a big ol’ hug.

Of course, the Becks, somewhat astonished but not exactly surprised, gave him one — at least in the form of an understanding pat on the head?

In exchange, the boy offered his shirt –and it seems his pants as well (at right.)

But then, wouldn’t anyone? — again being in one’s right mind as our overarching assumption.

Euro football fans have long gone crazy over David Beckham, and he quickly acquired a raucous gay following in the stands, which only went wilder when the fashion magazines discovered him and started putting him in studly near-nude spreads which somehow were suppose to sell clothing. (Oh, those dizzy gay Devil Wears Prada fashionistas!)

When he first began, before superstardom came in the form of splashy tabloid celebrations and Adidas endorsements and Pepsi ads and one madly sexy spot for Gillette razors, our young Becky was just a teensy bit antsy about his full-on gay admirers.

At least so he would say in television interviews, where a certain bit of tittering discomfit was de rigueur for athletes who look like Apollo.

Since then, the football star has gotten over himself — as is our fervent hope for all maturing studlings.

Now safely married to one of the Spice Girls — the one fittingly named Posh — David works the gay crowds with the same beautiful-man nonchalance he shows to fluttering female hearts. He even markets his own scent.

Thus his inclusion — one of the few males, actually — in the Gay Icon entry on Wikipedia.

The really iconic personalities for gay men, as should surprise no one, are women, overwhelmingly so, as the entry documents. We suspect this is because a gay icon is never the other, the hot stud sex partner, but rather dream versions and dream bodies for ourselves. What Jung called the anima, the female side of a man’s mind, which for gay men is frequently fully articulated and projected outward.

And not just projected out onto any woman. Such gay standards as the list enumerates — Joan, Bette, Judy, Madonna, Cher, Diana — are over-the-top personas. A certain kind of testosterone driven, hyper sexual, frequently bitchy, sometimes (but by no means necessarily) beautiful or needy, but always demanding woman.

As “female impressionist” (as he preferred to call himself) Charles Pierce used to say when he would come out in some silvery, sparkly beaded thing that kept going off like fireworks. “Only a man would have the balls to wear a gown like this.”

It is left to the lesbians to come up with the few males on this list — what the entry calls Dykons: James Dean, Marlon Brando and — you better sit down, kids — even Johnny Cash! The appeal of Cash, the entry explains, is an example of “lesbian identification with troubled and suffering masculinity.” ( A male Judy? Who knew!)

But enough about dykes (love them as we do — though our love is as nothing compared to the ardor of the straight man about to purchase an adult DVD.) David Beckham is that rare 21st Century hybrid : a gay icon to both the gay sexes.

Explains the Wikipedia: “In Beckham’s case, it is his combination of athletic prowess, good looks and flamboyant private life.”

All of which are celebrated in the following video tribute, one of many made by the Beck’s countless gay male fans: