Whoa!

Whoa!

…and Whoa!

Behold Charles Dera!

Is he not a Tom of Finland come to life? He’s even doing that wide, lecherous half-smile that Tom would put on his Rock-Hudson beautiful studs.

Every now and then, Nightcharm goes slightly nuts over a male model.

Readers of these pages are well acquainted with our out-of-control Rafael Verga problem (here, here, and even here! Should we start looking for a 12-step program?)

And our Anderson Dornelles idol worship (was there ever a hotter Jesus? — here and here).

And our constant breakdowns over the beefy slabs of footballer ass and thigh on display in the Dieux du Stade calendars, which in out last outbreak took the form of a Julien Arias gran mal seizure , and a Sean Lamont petit mal episode.

Let us now stare directly into the sun of our latest nuts-making distraction.

His name is Charles Dera, he’s a former marine (we know that from the big wild-dog tattoo on his even bigger left pec), and if there’s one thing marine boot camp prepares you for — with all that running in heavy armor and give me 20, soldier!– it’s to be a well oiled and totally unabashed fetish underwear model.

Also to be a hardassed hardbody, which is sort of the same thing.

As you can imagine, fetish underwear on such a man quickly led to bigger things.

But before we get ahead of ourselves — and yes, yes, while we would love to see his Hamlet — we think fetish underwear modeling was already by itself a glorious peak in his — or any man’s — resume.

And so Charles Dera soon became a Chippendale’s dancer.

And Playgirl’s 2005 Man of the Year.

And then the reality star of a DVD-documentary with the bracing title Underwear Uncovered, which delivered on its promise by serving up a bevy of full-frontal moments with Charles and a host of other fetish underwear guys.

(Fetish Underwear Guys — yeah, we have to start looking for a 12-step program on that one too — see here, here, here, here, here, here …)

Still Charles had yet to heed that small inner voice — some call it destiny — that kept whispering at his ear to go follow his joy. Until now. Yes, Charles Dera has finally made his debut in straight porn. And, boys that’s good enough for us.

The title: Barely Legal — which certainly has nothing to do with the 28-year-old Dera and must be a reference to the underage playacting of all the — excuse us if we yawn — grown women in the pic. We imagine there’s a lot of really short plaid skirts, plastic-bow hair berets and dewy-eyed virginal coquetry of the Britney Spears oops-I-blew-him-again variety.

That, and one very hot DICK OF DERA in the middle of everything. In the middle, along the side, up the rear, down the hatch.

How fitting then that we hear our Charles has joined the LA Direct Models Agency, which bills itself as — and you gotta love them for this — “the San Fernando Valley’s busiest modeling agency.”

That’s so nuanced. Not the busiest model agency in Hollywood — but in the San Fernando Valley, home Bette Midler once quipped, of absolutely nothing — that is, until the triumphant coming of the porn industry, which is now largely located there. LA Direct Models is sort of the adult-industry’s William Morris Agency.

Truth is the “Direct” part of the agency’s name has always peaked our imagination. To our innocent ears, we might almost think it was an escort service.

WHICH IT IS NOT. No, indeedy.

But if it were, if it were. Oh, Charlie!

Speaking of which …

Let us return to those Vegas nights when Charles was a Chippendale’s dancer, offering himself, via the miracle of the internet , as — surprise — an escort. Willing to show “the ladies” … now how did he put it? … “around the town.”

Yeah… we could handle a little a’ dat.