Jonathan Rhys Myers Sports a Long One

By Nightcharm / Saturday, May 26th, 2007

There are so many things right with this picture of the ultimate alterna-boy, Jonathan Rhys Myers, returning to his car after shopping for dinner that we feel compelled to point them out to you.

In fact we feel these photos should be used as instructional examples for all aspiring male sex symbols to study before ever venturing out into public.

The Rules:

First, scour the earth for the ultimate, quintessential pair of worn-in, ass-n-bulge-hugging jeans. Sheer perfection.

Next, a simple, unpretentious, nicely tight V-neck tee from American Apparel. Voila!

Secret hint: Wear “jewelry” that’s slightly arcane but doesn’t signal that you had a Born Again experience during your recent stint in rehab. In our sample case that would be a Buddhist rosewood mala. Nirvana!

And finally, the crowning emblem that conveys to both sexes you are tops: A dangling, over-sized baguette that’s positioned to sway ever so gently in a bulging plastic bag. Special strategic consideration: Make sure bag and bread are held crotch level for optimal subliminal affect.

Picture perfect: Baby, you’re a star!

Gerry Ferry

Maybe I’m missing something, but I don’t see him sporting a basket in these pictures. In fact, his crotch looks positively empty to me. Too bad, he’s a good-looking young man.
Athildur

Maybe you just didn’t read the article xD
Or maybe you didn’t get the joke.

Anyway, for me, the jewelry is a no. I’m not against it, but this one’s too long and too dark. (we’re talking necklace here people, minds out of the gutter for just one sec, ok? )

As for the rest of the picture, thumbs up. Wouldn’t mind him shopping at my local supermarket at all.
Gerry Ferry

I did read the article and didn’t come away with the feeling that the writer was being facetious. But what’s more important, is that except for the lack of a basket, the other assessments are on-target

Also, I don’t believe the bag with the bread is really crotch level, he’d have to hold it a little higher and in a limp-wristed manner for that to be so.

My main point is that I don’t see a bulge at his crotch. Also, can’t see his butt either. So how can I tell if he’s a bubble butt boy. Otherwise, he is a good-looking young man and if he were interested I’d let him sit in my lap and we’d see what popped up.
Nick

This lovely photo montage proves that JRM is bisexual. The irrefutable evidence? He holds his wallet in his hand so as to not pollute the perfection of his rear profile (gay trait), while it is clear that he doesn’t drink Diet Coke – which will, eventually, pollute his rear profile (straight trait). These pictures also suggest that the photographer was straight because he didn’t wait for JRM to stride into the sunlight at a more advantageous angle, which would have given us some tempting crotchbulge highlights. And finally, it proves that the boxboy was gay, because he took the time to cushion his turgid baguette inside a paper bag, which is totally superfluous.
So there.
PS gotta wonder who he’s making dinner for…
bats

I haven’t watched it in a couple of years, but I’m pretty sure you get to see his own personal baguette in “The Governess.” At the very least, he’s rolling around on a northern England seashore in the buff…even if you can’t see everything, I know most of the folks here have very good imaginations…
FIVE

Very good actor. very handsome boy…..
From Five BKK…..
mediapusher

Neither one of you silly creedons got the joke. The bread he bought looks distinctly phallic. As a matter of fact at first glance it looks like a giant dildo. And it looks like it’s about to fall out of the bag.