Prepare to cry, moan and come!

Presenting the This is Me Series. Starring our newest online discovery.

All we know is that male926, as he calls himself, lives in the United Kingdom, is 30 years old and only started posting his lovely love affair with himself this June. He lists his interests as fitness and bodybuilding.

Oddly, he leaves out smoking, which apparently gives him — and certainly us — a big ol’ chubby.

Behold:

1. This is Me (Smoking)

Was that brilliant or what?

Was it not in every way the equal of those notorious Andy Warhol masterpieces of sex and tedium, stuff like Sleep — six hours of a man sleeping, projected on the wall of an art gallery; pivotal moment, the man turns on his side — and Blow Job — the face of a classic piece of 50’s rough trade with a blond flattop (either Irish or Polish) as he squirms and deep breathes to unseen ministrations below the waist and then comes with a wonderful furrowing of the brow and pre-porn grimace.

Are you paying attention, male926? Remake possibilities here. And by today’s standards, Blow Job 2007 would be PG and have no problemo getting posted on YouTube.

Our next item is a bit more traditional. It shows male926’s range. Not only can our boy do avantgarde work on a par with Joe Dallesandro, he is adept at more traditional Hollywood fare — circa Athletic Model Guild, 1966.

2. This is Me (Muscle Flexing)

And, finally, the Masterpiece

3. This is Me (Underwear, Boxers, Speedos)

ATTENTION MALE926: Yes, we like big hard guys! Please contact us immediately. We do have something to teach you about proper lighting (though, you’ve got the adjusting-yourself thing down pat.) Furthermore — and we don’t say this to just any YouTube self-love-o-maniac — you have a soft bed and so much more waiting for you here in the arms of Nightcharm.

At top: no, that’s not our guy. We took a little license here — surely of the poetic kind — and used a beautifully lit model as a way to give you a little foretaste — a little … precrum? — of the show that would follow.

Besides, have you ever had to look at the awful quality of a still from YouTube!