August 16, 2007
A Hot Cup of Joel
by Shawn Baker

Ah, the flotsam and jetsam of television.

When it’s bad, it’s really bad. Thankfully, we have The Soup to act as a pop culture strainer, capturing the Very Best of the Very Worst. Of course you’ve seen The Soup, the E! channel’s weekly review of celebrity gaffes and reality-show low points.

A kiss to build a dream onBut even if you’re not a connoisseur of truly terrible TV, there’s still one terrific reason to tune in: sardonic host Joel McHale, right, a 6′ 3″ vision of hotness served up as the emcee.

At first glance, he could be a stubbly J. Crew catalog model or a Brit Pop frontman or one of those guys who turn up in straight porn as randy plumbers and pizza deliverymen. He is, in fact, the perfect guy, a combo of playful sexiness and a wicked streak of humor.

That a channel like E! would present a wet-dream like this is something of a miracle. E!, after all, is a low-rent netlet whose content consists of a drip, drip, drip of studio press releases, inane celebrity news, fawning star profiles, dopey Hollywood crime documentaries, and staged true life series devoted to bottom-of-the-barrel “personalities.” E! makes FOX look like PBS.

Through various formats and hosts, The Soup has always been the sole reason to tune in and now with the dollsome wise-ass McHale at the helm — starring, writing and producing — the show is better than ever. McHale always appears with his zany crew of backup players: the bikini-clad Mankini, the pocket-sized Lil’ Gay, a scene-stealing chihuahua named Lou, and a gaggle of kooky girls. Ever ready to bite the hand that feeds him — namely the slavish Cult of Celebrity that is E!’s very reason for existing — he cocks his head, flashes a naughty grin and sends up the whole dopey idea of celebrity watching as a guilty pleasure.

With the lovely LouTruly, he’s in a class with Stephen Colbert, another breakout star (from The Daily Show to his very own The Colbert Report) and, for my money, another Basic-Cable Babe Supreme.

Compare: both men are wordsmiths. Both men can appear classically handsome or elfishly boyish, depending on the lighting. Each has a deadpan delivery that will occasionally tremble into stifled laughter as they struggle to hold a straight face against the ticklish urge to fall apart before the wackiness they are perpetrating.

Best of all, both men are at the zenith of their Sex Symbolhood. Tall drinks of water, the both of them, each fills out a high-end suit quite nicely. Take off the suit, and …well, McHale’s most rewind-worthy moments are those in which he plays losers in wife-beaters — all the better to display his lithe physique — or just goes all-out shirtless, much to the delight of guy-lovers everywhere. In what may be a new kind of 21st Century sex appeal, Colbert and McHale keep getting hotter and hotter as they blur the line between glint-eyed studliness and self-deprecating dorkiness.

Now compare Joel McHale to E!’s usual robo-hosts: The men are slack-jawed Boy Band rejects; the women, emaciated too-tan bimbos barely able to read a teleprompter; and then somewhere in-between, not quite human, are the Scylla and Charybdis of the Red Carpet, Joan and Melissa Rivers

In such company, McHale is shrewdly out of place. Unlike the wax-like androids around him, McHale plays the class clown who’s too cool for school. He derides the rampant Media Me-ism that the other hosts present so breathlessly. He mocks the spectacular implosions of wayward teen idols, the shamelessness of reality TV players, the sheer ineptitude of the Sci Fi Channel’s Animal Peril movies. Then there are the sacred cows: the C-list celebs who headline the network’s stupefying line-up of vanity projects that The Soup is contractually obligated to promote. But they aren’t safe from McHale’s ridicule either.

The simple fact is McHale is slumming on the E! network, and he — and everyone else — knows it. Who can blame him? This is the channel that legitimized — as much as was possible — the dubious talents of the late Anna Nicole Smith, of Nick and Aaron Carter, of plastic surgeon and closet case Dr. Robert Rey. A channel that plays rapt, empty-headed stenographer to Hugh Hefners’s cavalcade of peroxide Electric Barbarellas, as well as the professional sperm banks known as Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

Shrewd JoelMcHale’s utter disdain for them is as nothing next to his constant (and hilarious) belittling of that over-employed Oompa Loompa, Ryan Seacrest, who is all of 5′9″ (by his reckoning) and 5′5″ (by everyone else’s — particularly the snarky McHale, who constantly hammers away at the mini-ness of the American Idol emcee.)

Seacrest also co-hosts an E! channel show — a fact that prompts in many of us wicked fly-on-the-wall daydreams. In a series of recent Burger King ads, McHale played the type of arrogant, swaggering boss you might wish would sexually harass you into daily desktop nooners. We can only imagine the glorious spectacle when Joel and Ryan accidentally bump into each other in the men’s room at the E! channel. McHale, a towering alpha male of 6′3″, might just get triggered by the pint-size Seacrest, resulting in an ambush of nuggies, wedgies, and tearful fits.

As with all good things, a dreaded end must come. McHale has been tapped by NBC to star in a stateside version of the British sitcom, The IT Crowd, leading his fans to conclude that his tenure on The Soup is about to pass into TV history. Will The Soup — will we, his male fans — ever recover?

Capturing lightning in a bottle is quite a feat and a built, brainy Thinking Man’s Pin-Up like a Joel McHale just doesn’t strike twice in the same place.

 
 

 
 
©2007 Nightcharm

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13 Responses to 'A Hot Cup of Joel'
  1. Stephen remarks:

    Joel McHale is truly brilliant. And you’re right – - you can feel the disdain he has for the craptastic programming on E!

    I live for the occasional intro where Seacrest looks into the camera with that ri-COCK-ulous grin and says, “Chicks, man!”

    Well, I live for that and Mankini. Yum.


    July 11th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
  2. Gry remarks:

    Love him. He’s someone with acutal talent and charm who’s wonderfully conspicuous on E!. Steve Kmetko was great to look at also, but he was never the fun troublemaker that McHale is.

    I think even more than Greg Kinnear (who seems very 1998 now) or any of the other hosts, McHale strikes me as the one who should hit the big time.

    And Seacrest is a complete tool. I mean, that fakey last name? I sounds like a cheap cologne, which basically sums up his appeal.


    July 11th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
  3. Tuffy remarks:

    Does the chihuahua actuall belong to McHale? I’d like to think that it’s his.

    The Soup isn’t something I’d bother to Tivo, but if I’m flipping channels and it happens to be on, I’ll gladly stop and watch. The appeal for me is McHale’s apparent sincerity. It really seems that The Soup, as is, is McHale’s baby, and that he authentically enjoys his work. (Much in contrast with those who might very obviously treat such a gig cynically as nothing more than a temporary stepping-stone to “real” work in Hollywood.)

    McHale always seems to stand with complete poise, confidence, and self-possession.

    My favorite McHale moment was when he guested as a judge on Iron Chef America. He’s not a food expert, and he seemed almost as baffled by his appearance there as anyone else. Not knowing how to properly fill the role of food critic, he resorted to joking comments and self-mockery, with hilarious results. (Commenting with dry sarcasm on a desert dish made of lentils, just about the most boring main ingredient thinkable: “Wow. You can really taste the lentils.”) The woman seated next to McHale was a professional foodie of some sort who obviously had no idea who the fuck Joel McHale was. That she was obviously offended by some apparent nobody coming onto her turf and cracking jokes instead of taking the enterprise seriously greatly heightened the comedy.


    July 11th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
  4. Hunter remarks:

    He’s cool and doable. Should have his own late show where he makes big stars look like the freakin’ douchebags they are.


    July 11th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
  5. jamey remarks:

    Thank you, thank you… I thought I was the only one to find Joel incredibly sexy!!! Thanks for the inDEPTH profile on this gorgeous man.


    July 12th, 2007 at 9:54 am
  6. Julia remarks:

    Yay, Joel McHale! I love that man, and The Soup!

    (Now then…would you please write another loving, admirational article about Stephen Colbert…?)


    July 12th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
  7. liz remarks:

    “cavalcade of peroxide Electric Barbarellas” – ahhh, it’s phrases like this that keep me coming back here!

    sex with intellect – its a beautiful thing. and i’m glad it’s not just me with the sarcasm fetish ;)


    July 14th, 2007 at 8:46 am
  8. fursnake remarks:

    the “Scylla and Charabdis of the Red Carpet” — perfect!


    July 15th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
  9. Gry remarks:

    Chelsea Handler will thankfully be returning to E! She’s like a distaff Joel, so there’ll be two series worth watching again. It’s not like E! couldn’t use another scathing injection of actual irony to give it some signs of life.


    July 16th, 2007 at 1:23 am
  10. Crockchaser remarks:

    Thanks for the great read and Youtube clip: “There’s nowhere to drink tea or moisturize.”

    I’m bummed to read that McHale will be leaving The Soup. He makes the show what it is, in fact he’s the wind beneath my wings and raises me up so I can stand on mountains.

    I remember him as a spry thing, back here in Seattle, on the now defunct Almost Live. Check it out mofos. We had him first.

    Joel and Almost Live are schedule for a September reunion show on KING5. That’s hot!


    July 17th, 2007 at 9:00 am
  11. Chris remarks:

    Yeah! Joel rules! And Chelsea Handler, Gry! Her new show is a serious letdown though, “Chelsea Lately”.. they’ve really reigned her in :-( .. I miss “The Chelsea Handler Show”.. And should Joel leave E!, that’s the end of it for me


    August 18th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
  12. Jose remarks:

    He actually is a cutie…I like his show too.


    October 6th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
  13. Hunter remarks:

    I like watching Joel get sprayed all over again and again.


    January 3rd, 2008 at 8:44 pm

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