from November 2005
10. Stop with the Plywood Gloryholes, Please!
Not all productions have to have King Kong budgets. Cheap-o amateur releases have their own charm and enormous followings. A straight- looking dork with a tough set of pecs and guns to match can succeed at being sexy, lurid, erotic, brilliant, and worth every penny.
Thing is if we buy an amateur video, we should pay amateur prices. Yo, Mr. Porn Producer! Crummy lighting and plywood sets do not require putting your house up for a second mortgage. Renting a room at a Days Inn, as well as some Jenna Jameson videos for your star to watch, does not make this an Andrew Lloyd Webber extravaganza.
On the other hand when we buy the latest $79.95 big-budget bonanza, we damn well better get our money’s worth. It better be excessively overblown — in every sense of that word! Shot in villas and on foreign shores. For 80 bucks, we want a cast of thousands — great looking men having fantastic sex with hallucinatory sunset lighting everywhere.
And a soundtrack we can dance to.
9. Spare us the Shaved Man-Pussies
Shaving is for pussies — literally. Listen up, you princes of porn, you big-balled sultans of swing. The only part of you that should be shaved is your head — so that it more resembles a dick. You — no matter what you may feel deep down when men shower you with gifts and call you a movie star — are not a woman. If you were, a trimmed quim might be cool. Female genitals are hidden inside the body so it makes sense to clear away the brush.
But dig it, you’re a meat puppet, Jocko. It’s already hanging out there, ready to go. Bald pubic areas look awful. They infantalize and neuter a guy. It may be next to godliness, but when it comes to sex, there’s such a thing as being way too clean!
8. Not Enough Big Dicks
Sure, there are probably over eight million videos devoted solely to the glory of Monster Dick. We say, why not 80 million?
Cock-worship is at the heart of all things homo. It unites every gay male around one gigantic lingam pole, where we can join hands, revel in our commonality, and go quietly nuts.
If we don’t see the kind of cock that rates its own zip code on an average of one every cinema minute, we might think, oh shit, we’re sitting through The Hours again!
Don’t short shrift us.
7. Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Porn Stars
When a model is popular enough to qualify as a certified P*O*R*N S*T*A*R, he’s in trouble. Colton Ford, Michael Brandon, Jason Adonis – we can recite these names in our sleep. (And do.) But how many beautiful ways are there for one person to fuck?
How many combinations of star-on-star can we see before the yawns kick in and we decide, hell, we’d rather go to the source material? Moby’s Dick gives way to Melville. Dude, Where’s My Dildo is replaced by marathon viewings of That 70’s Show.
As with a print model, a man who manages to look different in each film will go a long way. Blame it on evolution. Blame it on the Bossa Nova. We guys like to plant our seeds into as many different holes as we can.
6. No Kissing? No Touching? No Service, Dickwad!
What ever happened to romance? What ever happened to the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name except from the stage of a drag-bar, and then in the voice of Vicki Carr? Have all the soft-focus moments gone out of gay porn like so many dimples on a once 19-year-old ass? Actually, were they ever there in the first place?
Look, we like no-nonsense pig sex as much as the next guy, but how about some variety? How about some lip-locking? What is it with you steroid kings? Afraid your man-tan bronzer will smear? Or is it the rim breath?
5. It’s Why God Made Fluffers
Look, we get it. Work is a drag — for everyone. Having take-one, take-two sex in front of four lighting guys, three grips, one well-know director and a fluffer in a peartree — well, we can forgive you the stray moment when the eyes go dead, the mouth tenses with a stifled yawn … when you are obviously having second thoughts about not sticking with the real estate seminars.
And yes, we imagine it is a bitch to stay rock-hard and bushy-tailed all afternoon. But does the camera have to catch your less glorious moments for posterity? Semi-wood is just dandy in a Speedo. But a completely limp whang and you’re starting to hurt our feelings.
4. Even Helen Keller Made The Effort
Open your mouths, for Chrissake! We’re not asking you guys to recite Hamlet, but surely there’s more to fucking than groaning suck-it, suck-it, suck-it every time your eyes dilate. A little trash talk would be nice. A little pecking-order rough and tumble. Heck, some sweet nothings, even!
If bling-burdened rappers can pull a rhyme out of their ass with only the sketchiest relation to language, context or a grammar school education, why can’t you? Just say anything! Think of it as a sign of good faith, a flag waved from the ground that there really is intelligent life down there.
3. The Long Hello
How many times can a construction worker, or a plumber, or a pizza delivery boy find the front door open only to enter directly into — not the living room — but the bathroom where our hero is ever so excitedly showering himself?
How many times can the hunky poolman casually notice that Elroy is sunning himself naked on a deckchair with the largest erection in Southern California?
You’re killing us softly with the exposition, okay. It’s called the death by a thousand cuts. For every blistering man-on-man film, there are 50 others with tired plots, boring fuck scenes, and endless, endless hellos.
We don’t know what’s worse: the overambitious plotline-cum- travelogue with voiceover narration by a young-ish man “discovering” things about himself that have been made all too plain in at least 25 previous dick-flicks. Or the dead-voice delivery of our Great Lords of the Gym as they muddle through throw-away dialog?
2. Perfect is not Sexy
We blame Falcon Studios and their notorious “car wash” studio system: The company is known for its assembly-line of perfectly clipped, buzzed, buffed, and manicured models who never seem to have a tan-line out of place. We know, we know. Falcon has done a lot to beautify and masculine-ize the look of male porn. It’s just that their entire stable of studs — heart-stopping as some of them are — are now as bland as Velveeta cheese! Sort of like the Attack of Aberzombie and Flinch!
How is it possible that these superhuman porn dolls never seem to drip lube anywhere? Or struggle with a condom. (The rubber is always just magically on when the moment of truth arrives.) Manly perfection blurs when everyone in porn has the same terrific looks. And you just know if one of these gods went out of their way to get a little scuffed and scarred, it would be the most perfect scuff, the most devastating scar in the universe.
1. Tats and Pierced Everything
Nowadays there’s more ink on screen than in a colony of irrate squids. It’s as if all the up-and-comers in porn get their tattoos first, then they go to prison.
More annoying than tribal patterned biceps are plug-ugly studs in tongues and 15-bore silvers rings through cockheads. Prince Alberts were outrageous about 15 years ago. Now they’re just hard on the teeth when you’re blowing a 30-year-old. If these chrome atrocities have any fans at all, it would be certain Venice Beach dentists who service the deep-throating porn-star community.
And is there anything sadder than the super-buffed studmuffin who turns to the camera only to have us zero in on his twinkling bellybutton jewelry. Save that for Barbara Eden — who, by the way, had to live in a bottle!
What do you hate most about porn videos? Share it with us.
I hate the phenomena I call “Magic Pants”.
This is where the man/men are fully clothed and getting all sexy and aroused, and then “by Magic” all or most of their clothing is suddenly gone. I like it when they disrobe, and find it sexy. It’s part of the foreplay of sex, and feels unnatural and unerotic when it occurs. It’s what makes watching many Chi Chi LaRue films difficult for me. Which includes his (Chi Chi’s) constant “Magic Insertion” shots. Magic anything makes me a bit crazy as a rule.
Then, there is also my dislike of limp dick bottoms. It’s bascially inexcusable in a porn flick. Nothing magic about that at all.
the absolute worst is when guys are banging and fucking hard and I’m really getting into the buildup of the scen and then there’s a weird jump cut and then the same guys are suddenly standing or laying alongside each other jacking off until they cum. This is a total turn off. Like someone dowsed me with cold water. Directors need to know how scene-killing this is. It also shows the director’s lack of control on the set — and of his actors. Pitiful.
I also hate the previously described ‘magic pants’ & ‘magic insertion’ so common. I don’t understand all the slapping and don’t like it. Two guys having sex should be exciting, sensual and loving. If they have to lie back and jerk themselves off, it leaves me cold and very disappointed. If I wanted to watch JO, I would have bought a JO movie. I want to see two men enjoying each others body. Having the camera jump around suddenly to focus on the facial expression instead of the action is a real bummer, and a huge turn off, move back slowly and include both. A big problem I see are the Str8 actors/models that cannot or do not show any enthusiasm for their partner. No more “gay for pay” who just pretend they enjoy sex with another man, it shows and is blah. Hire guys that really want to suck cock or take it from behind. Dick size is not very important to me. Big is nice, but small/average, intact cocks between two or more men that show they are really enjoying themselves is so superior to just being big. Play with foreskin more, I wish I still had mine. And, finally, don’t circumsize babies. Let the man make his own choice, they don’t grow back and stretching just ain’t the same.
I disagree with that comment of shaved genitals. I think it’s a turn on to see smooth and sexy men.
I couldn’t agree with Jerry Ferry’s comment more. My personal “top” of the Top 10 is that the director either focuses on the actor’s disembodied face alone while he’s cumming or, even worse, never shows the actor’s face in ecstacy at all. I love it when the director shows the whole body during cumming: the face, the deep breathing, and the uncontrollable jerks of the body. Wow! And, two other things: (1) poor lighting (or a white background)during the cum scene (jeez…) and (2) having cum fly all over the place instead of concentrating on the small of the back or the belly so we can see the big load.
It’s about time someone listed all the crap that gay men have to watch in porn. I’m tired of the amateur bullshit that sells for topshelf prices — and the topshelf stuff that really is nothing more than robots going through the motions. Bring back the spirit of 70s pron!!!!!!
Is it this bad in the straight world? Inquiring minds want to know!!!
MR
What I hate are all the str8 men, that do the j/o solo’s and all the gay-for-pay men in porn. Listen if you suck and fuck and get sucked and fucked you are NOT, let me repeat myself, YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT. Granted I understand, from former friends and acquaintences in the biz, that guys get paid a little more doing gay porn than str8 but enuff is enuff. I’m tired of all the twinks in the films as well. Give us some older 20something and 30 and even 40 something men.
And why do all the men seem to be cut from the same cookie cutter? Perfect muscles and at least 8 or more inches between their legs. Whats wrong with some off season bodybuilder, husky but solid men? Nothing as far as I am concerned. And while we are on the topic of men and cock why does everybody have to be 8.5 inches or more? A nice 6-7.5 inch cock is nice too. Seems to me that the Big cocked men I see in the vids are all wearing cock rings in hopes of keeping it hard. Also whats wrong with seening a cock go from soft to hard?
So tired of body shots as well. What this tells me is that the face of the guy we are looking at isn’t really blowing his load. Another studio trick as well as the bottle of watered-down hand lotion spraying on the torso. Yeah I told you I have friends in the biz that have told me quite alot actually. I want to see full body shots.
So having said all of that why can’t the producers just keep it real.
I disagree with your views of men shaving their bodies. I have a major shaving fetish and love the look and feel of myself and other men having totally smooth bodies. It has nothing to do with infantilism at all. How many youngsters do you know of that have pecs, six packs and hard cocks? The pic you posted looks nothing at all like anyone other than a hot 20 to 30 year old with no hair. It would never be mistaken for anything younger. So what’s the problem? It’s all personal preference. I do also like a nice hairy bear type as well. One does not always have to have the same flavor of ice cream.
I’m with those who disagree with the comment about shaved pubes. I think it’s a matter of personal taste and it’s cool either way - you like what you like and don’t like what you don’t like. But shaved pubes on a muscled body with a raging hard on don’t suggest infantilism to me at all. If a guy has muscles, a hard cock and can shoot jizz all over his chest he’s not a pre-pubescent kid. He’s a man. With or without pubes, it’s not something that’s ever confused me.
A guy’s shaved face or head don’t suggest infantilism. Why should shaved genitals when they’re on a guy who’s obviously well past puberty?
As with the hair on our heads or the hair on our faces we experiment with the hair on our crotches until we find something we like and that works for us. Shaving it all gone can be and often is a part of the process of discovery. I think it’s more a matter of personal preference than it is suggestive of a fetish that involves pre-pubescent boy’s bodies.
Hair or no hair down under isn’t a deal-breaker either way for me. I like it both ways but I have no interest whatsoever in pre-pubesecent boys. When it comes to porn I like seeing the occasional guy all shaved clean because it’s a nice contrast to the guys with hair.
And I understand that whoever wrote the column was expressing his opinion. This is just a different one.
Clearly speaking to connoisseurs. I myself side with the opinions of the author mostly, but maybe just a little trimming if the hirsute growth is too luxuriant.
Hair? no Hair? doesn’t bother me. But I don’t like ubber hairy. I think that a man who trims or shaves all of his body hair and genital hair is sexy because, to me, and this is what it means only to me, is that the man who trims or shaves has taken the time to groom himself. It shows that he takes pride in his over all appearance. That is not to say that uber hairy men dont but it means that if a man takes the time to shine his shoes and iron and press those slacks and shirts and has taken time to groom his body hair has some pride in himself.
Now days we see younger men that don’t give a damn how they look. Hair looks like it hasn’t been washed, clothes are tattered and torn and most of the time hanging off their butts so everybody can see their underware. Major turn off
Hi:
Just stumbled across your site and had to read this article. I agree with all 10 points. Sex is natural and all the ’stars’ have done it before, so WHY the NEED to direct, the NEED for coaxing talk, the NEED to go from 10 minutes of foreplay, to 10 minutes of oral, to 5 minutes (or less) of anal, then cumshot(s). If these guys are left more to enjoy the sex then all the better for the viewer. I love good sex, and even a half-undressed quickie can be the hottest, best sex ever. SEX does not always have to be structured, formulaic or very ‘pretty’.
I agree james sex should be spontanius.
I want more cock sucking an anal licking and in stranger places like parking lots and bath rooms or such.
Pet peeves? I find the shaved pubic area weird, too, although I’m flexible on what a guy does with his other body hair–maybe this is a girl thing, since I’ve only had sex with straight guys. Big, distracting tattoos when they’re on every model in a scene. And not only magic insertion, but magic condoms–every single time. In one vid (okay, it was a story vid), a guy’s scene partner actually put it on and lubed it up for him, and it was hot. Also, excruciatingly bad synthesized music and oh so obviously dubbed grunts and comments (or the same inane phrase repeated a thousand times). Bad rimming, like the model can’t actually bring himself to do it–just skip it and spare us your discomfort. Not only no chemistry, but no visible enjoyment either–that’s just so sad to me.
And then, on the other hand, there were Blake and Colton. I watched “Closed Set: The New Crew” again the other day, and saw all I like about gay porn. There were guys of all types (pre-taping interviews as a bonus), a cool jazzy score, actual real-time sounds and comments and directions, Damian Ford crawling around with his own video camera even as he got sucked into the action, a nice progression from two models to a huge group scene, and the aforementioned Blake and Colton just off to the side in their own world carrying on this streaming dialogue with their eyes and being real and sweet and hot all at the same time.
What bothers me —
First and foremost is a lack of chemistry between the players — is it really that difficult to find actors that actually have *some* interest in or at least response to each other? It’s so NOT a turn on when there are two blazin’ hot guys who have a chill hanging over their mischief. Or, worse, they each seem bored. Boring to watch, waste of time and money.
Second is the way rimming is portrayed most of the time. There is more to rimming than polite licking! Why do I only see full-tilt whole-hog rimming in kink videos? If they’re going to utilize it in ‘mainstream’ porn, they should do it up right! I mean, they go to the trouble of making fisting detailed, why do they skip over the meaty portions of rimming most of the time?
Then I agree 111% with the author’s opinion of shaved pubes - for me, too, they make a man’s body look infantilized [for the record, I hate the shaving of women in straight porn, too] and just as with shaved bodies, feminize him. Men have body hair, shaving all of it off turns them into boys [or, women]. Grooming is one thing, shaving entirely another.
And then, I have to agree with the comment above — Gay For Pay drives me bonkers! It is such an insult to all that drives the enjoyment of sex to imply that somebody can just do it as sport and not have any involvement with it. Last I checked, if you squirt your load it’s a result of stimulation that your body LIKES… There is no way I could ever cross over to the other side and have sex with women, and while I know many bisexuals, it is just insulting to my intelligence to publicize someone as Gay For Pay. The industry may think it enhances some aspect of machismo personae but for me it makes me never watch another of that guy’s films. Any hotness he has is immediately extinguished.
Please keep in mind, these are my individual opinions - in no way am I saying anyone anywhere has to agree with me. =)
Shaving is for pussies - no way! Smooth, toned, shaved guys will always be the best turn on. Working your tongue slowly across their smooth toned bodies from mouth to cock delights the senses every time. Who wants a mouthful of pubic hair when your gagging for that mouthful?
You know you guys bitch and BITCH about what you want to see or not see. Maybe if you people directed the comments to the studios they would take you seriously. Plus all the shit your talking about is silly there are enought companies for you Queens to choose from. Lucas Entertainment, Hot House, Blue Blake, Falcon,Eurocreme,All Worlds,TresureIslandmedia sxvideo and I can go on and on. There is something for everyone. When you want flesh bots you go to Falcon you want men you pick hot house or titan. As for the 6 inch cock comment I want my dicks to fill up the screen nothing is appealing about watching a 6 inch penis try to stay in an asshole. All it makes me think about is bad sex. Trust me the PUBLIC DOESN”T WANT TO SEE IT.. and if they do there are specialty videos… What what the issue is preference and those who pay and prefer what is being shown are going to see more of what they prefer. Personally I’d like to see more black bottoms with white tops but there doesn’t seem to be a preference for that…at least with the studios I like.. Look AROUND what you want could be laying on the ground right in front of you
Having previously worked behind the scenes in the porn industry for almost 10 years, I hate to burst everyone’s bubble… but honestly, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The people producing these vids are totally out of touch with what the masses want. They think they can “dick-tate” to the masses what they SHOULD want! As a result, they don’t understand why these boring-ass vids are bombing. Abercrombie BOYZ don’t BUY videos! And those that DO BUY (or rent), are NOT interested in shaved, illiterate, Aber-Dorks!
Big cocks? They’re useless unless they’re HARD! I’d rather have a hard 6-incher than a soft, crystaled-up 8-9 incher, bound in cockring, being beat off like a Puritan churning butter. Cum shots? Make ‘em wet and dramatic, with multiple camera angles! Shaved hair? Hell no! If you want smooth skin on a man, supposedly better to see the ab definition, then go watch a transvestite video!
My big pet peeve lately is the film crew that can’t keep their asses BEHIND the camera. One duo, formerly from Kansas City, now from Phoenix are especially bad about it. They find some pretty decent guys who whether they are gay or straight enjoy gettin off with another guy. (I don’t check for their sexuality membership card) Anyway, two or more hot guys are really gettin into it, then next thing you know, one of these two guys is gettin into the middle of em, gettin their feel or worse standing behind the camera groaning “fuckin aaaa doooooood”. Buying their vids made me feel like I was subsidizing THEIR sex life and I stopped. Shut up and stay behind the camera!.
these guys who shave there dicks and pierce them make me want to chop that dk and make them swallow it whole
and flip i’v got a 1 1/2 in. dick
u know, when it cums to piercn yo dick and balls u must really be a super freak and must be able to withstand a lot of pain for instance a 13 incher in yo ass and a 9mm in yo mouth. But that is just nasty u sick son of a bitch. I would neva suck a dudes cock with all that piercing in it. I dont care if he took the rings out or not, thats is jus grodi. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ya little nasty. Now if u want to see a real sexy ass dude instead of all these not so good looking dudes go to dirty pics and look at Henry!! Oui Oui purrr he so fine make me want to kill my me want to go to france and pick me up one of dem!!!!!!!!!!!!
shaving is 4 pussies, but if u only have hair around the inner thighs u should at least make it look nice…
I HATE OVER ACTING TWINKS!, it like yea right.
i hate when there is an obvious bottom pretending to be the top and not doing a good job, one word “REFUND!!”
last but not least when the i hate dry wells, when comes and theres no sperm, i think the editor should take an extra step to take that out.
I agree entirely with this list, but I’m surprised no one’s mentioned one of my biggest aggravations: The endlessly long extreme closeup of coupled genitals. Sexy is seeing chemistry between individuals, bodies, faces–all the subtle, erotic elements of sex. Ten minutes of nothing but a cock pounding an ass is absolutely not sexy.
This is closely related to cameramen/editors who at the moment of orgasm show us nothing more than an extreme closeup of an ejaculating cock. That just ruins it for me–I want to see the guy’s face dammit. I want to see his body heave and twitch in the throes of orgasm.
I have gotten so frustrated with the synthetic, plastic, too-buffed, too-tanned, too-waxed, too-oiled, Ken-doll qualities of so many of the men in gay porn that I’ve even ventured into straight porn in the hopes of finding simple, unselfconsciously masculine men who will enthusiastically pound away at their partners with obvious interest.
Shaved anything is usually a disappointment, but I wholeheartedly agree that shaved pubes should be banned from gay porn. This is the antithesis of sexy and a huge, huge distraction.
I should be a porn director, because most of the big names in gay porn are clueless assholes and idiots.
1 word sexy for once soeone shows porn
Eurocreme has consistent big dicks in their vids:
Bike Boy, Beach Boy, Bar Boy, Bad Boy, Spy Boy etc.
I don’t mind a shaved crotch, either or, but there are kinds of body types that are sexy man, not just buff muscle boys who all too aften have not an ounce of passion in them. Puppy Productions Bareback Moments III has three awesome fuck scene with big cocks, especially like the Brazilian and the Belgrade. The Belgrade scene is one of the hottest, longest fuck scenes I’ve ever scene and the top is just lean slim stuff and what a fuck he throws. Titan Men rocks with intensely developed scenes filled with awesome sexual tension before you get to the sex as in Back to Barstow, 110 in Tuscon, Galeforce, Alabama Takedown but their Manplay series is just over the top sex with barely a kiss and no eroticism whatsoever, orgy/gang rapes more or less, not sexy.
One thing I don’t understand is why does Gay porn have to use condoms but straight porn doesn’t ? I know it’s a safety issue and needs to be pointed out for that, but do you feel that straight porn should be safety conscious also ?
I would love to go bareback and see it on film, but I know not to do it when there may be a potential danger.
What do you think?-
“Hairy” Red (Dan)
Well, I guess many guys would be interested in this lot, seen the comments placed. I also think gay sex-pics and movies, often just arouse my dick, not the brain. They’re never really hot guys, always shaved, head too, which I don’t think is very sexy actually. I like some pubic hear, I guess. Well, not that I’d like a bear or something, just the manliness shining at the spot you’d expect it most. Shaved guys are like, well, not-so-manly-men. Damn, hard to express, heh!
I do agree there should be more lovin’ in the porn. Of course, you bought it for the sex, but the mind wants somthing too ain’t it? At least, I think so. ‘Cause that computer of mine ain’t alive all f*cking day, but my mind is, and when I’m in bed in the evnin’s, I don’t wanna get up, start the computer, and get goin. I need a bit of a love story to, get started. So that’s one very good point.
And that ever-lastin’ piercings and tattoos. Now, I’m not against tattoos, In fact I’m in for one myself, but that has personal reasons, and is well thought of since quite a while. But piercings, and tattoos-all-over-the-place just make me feel disgusted
by the physical abuse, or extravagance. I really don’t want a metal thing on one’s red-end, just the flesh will do fine with me.
Well, that seems more than enough for now, D.A. Becker
P.S. I totallt agree with Tuffy. Those damned close-ups are a pain in the ass. Love should be more a part of porn then it is nowadays. Perhaps you failed to mention it because you didn’t see it that way? Or you guys just forgot. Anyhow, Tuffy, I agree, and do think you’d do great as a porn director.
D.A. Becker
my ever growing frustrations with gay porn:
1) the theatrics are starting to get rediculous! the spitting directly into each others mouth. Basically it is just another way to share slobber but there is just something degrading about the act as I see it and for me to see it is a major turn off. Cheesy role play also is a guaranteed leap to the fast forward button for me. Also, the amount of Eastern European porn is out of control.. is this porns equivelent of corporate off shoring? Bring it back home some!
2) shaved crotches.. cannot stand them ( I understand that it is a matter of taste but I still hate it just the same) It looks prepubescent and weird and kills my boner everytime. Stubble for pubes doesn’t cut it with me either.
3) Gay porn seems to have become devoid of any imagination anymore… it all seems to follow the same cookie cutter guidlines and how it starts, how long each dick gets sucked and moving on to the fucking which is represented with a mind numbing string of loops showing the same thing.. I try not to notice but after a while it becomes trite. Yeah, the options may be limited but mix it up.. it’s ok for a scene to not end up with ass pounding and vise-versa
4) It always amazes me how much of the various scenes, dialogues and actions are directly reinacted in the real time by so many men who seem to have missed the idea that porn is a fantasy and not a how-to or must-say demo film.. Please stop saying “suck THAT dick”, “fuck THAT ass” .. unless you happen to be Jeff Stryker, chances are it’s just not a natural to your m/o (and it will show)
* in summary, I’m really not as darkly negative as this may come across and if I am who cares anyway..LOL. My opinions are my own and I find them to apply mostly to the large studios who’s effect upon gay pop culture as a whole has been a surprising revelation to me.. we are a pack of pervs after all!
some say porno, I say pornYES! just keep it real
regarding msg.#20 by Flip,
EXCELLENT point you make about the Amateur directors.. the one’s that you made reference to are reasonably attractive men but they need to let the “actors” act and not stray from their director duties! And without exception all of the amateur directors should shut the f*** up and let the guys do what comes natural.. which won’t happen with the endless string of useless tired commands and asking repeatedly if they wish they had a hot piece of pussy.. they don’t and that is why they are on the other side of your cameras and no one really buys the fact that they are duped into these films.
Must *everyone* eat ass? That’s when I press the fast-forward button.
Besides, since when is rimming safe-sex?
The no hair part is okay… I personally hate hair all over the place, it looks dirty when there’s too much.. trimmed is okay, shaved too, but please, we’re not in the 60s no more, we have razors and trimmers to make it look cleaner and better!!
11. Endless, sloppy kissing. It’s not sexy at all. 12. Playing with the nipples. It’s boring. 13. Taking forever to get undressed. Undressing for 15 min. is not hot. 14. Ugly men. That is: ugly, scrawny, misshapen, bad teeth, ass pimples, etc. 15. Cheesy music, esp. that which sounds ‘edgy’. No music is best. I want to hear guys grunt and moan. I want to hear that pop when a penis leaves a rectum. 16. No straight guys that stare into space while they pump monotonously. 17. No bad dialogue or silly plots. If they have to talk, have them rehearse for a while to sound natural.
This is what I hate:
When the guys leave their shoes or sneakers on, when they are too quiet (I like to hear heavy breathing and moaning especially when they cum), when there is not enough touching or kissing between the guys, too much filler (Bel Ami is ridiculous with this at times)
Instead of showing cock sliding into ass (that’s assuming there is a decent sized hard cock involved, which isn’t always the case), and showing the guy stroking in and out and better yet, showing the bottom’s facial expressions, all we see is a close up of cock in ass, not even any sliding in and out. Not hot.
Super fast fucking with tiny strokes or super fast oral with tiny strokes over the top of the penis head. I totally understand that not everyone is hung enough to fuck really deep and slow, but some of the rabitt fucking in porn is ridiculous.
Overmoaning.
I hate when there are police or military officers played by uber-twinks.
When you have an older guy/younger guy scene (e.g., father/son or coach/athelete) and the actors are very close in age — get an older actor who actually LOOKS older.
Obviously fake looking backgrounds and sets.
1) Gay for pay actors who are paired with HOT men but just want to stick cock into orifice and get paid for it. One thing I like about Titan is their men are HOMO… masculine, but HOMO…. and it shows. Those men are all over each other. I like to say, “Desire is when you just wanna lick his arm because it’s there.” More demonstration of that kind of desire.
2) Downside of Titan… too much tattoo ink on 45-year-olds, and WAY too much spitting/pissing/fetish shit. Their late 1990s stuff was WAY hotter.
3) Lazy direction that just shows a cock poking a butt for 5 minutes. Show us the men from all angles… and show (with camera angle creativity) what is like to BE one of the men in the scene! i know that is distracting for the actors but, t
Let me second the “too many close-ups”…who’s clamoring for these proctological exam shots in their porn? Wide, full-body shots and reaction shots of their faces would be so much hotter, cut with the fucking shots. I don’t need someone’s stuffed asshole filling my 32″ TV, thanks. It’s a little scary sometimes.
And I hate gay for pay and will never understand it. There’s plenty of good looking gay men; why do porn producers need to pay straight men to get their cocks sucked and fuck men’s asses? Why not get a gay male who will actually enjoy these things and participate fully? I would never have sex with someone who would refuse to kiss me or touch me unless it was absolutely necessary to their pleasure, so why would I find that hot as fantasy material?
Don’t even get me started on shitty blowjobs where they just lick the head for 5 minutes, or the tongue-jousting that passes for kissing…and you rarely see a decent 69 anymore…
This one is easy. I HATE to hear music, especially the cliche porn music. This is why I prefer the amateur type with real sound and no soundtrack. Especially bad are the ones where the only thing you hear is music. It’s not a music video.
I hate it when the “coverboys” on the DVD or Video don’t appear anywhere in the video. A hot-as-hell-hunk on the cover is false advertising when there’s no one that hot on the disc.
I hate shaved pubes. I think it makes the guy look like a little boy. I don’t believe that there are that many men who are not hairy. I also hate the slapping of ass and belittleing the bottom by calling him names. I have seen one video clip where the two guys look like they are enjoying each other, kissing, hugging, feeling, making love, not animal sex all the time. That video turned me on so many times. These are just my opinions so guys do not get upset with me. This is what I prefer and different strokes for different folks.
The plot lines are phony and there is no romance in any of them except the one clip I mentioned earlier. I do not know the name of the video or who made it, but when you see the two guys making love (not just sex) it is a real turn on.
I hate tatoos and pierceings. I see these absolutely gorgeous, beautiful men with beautiful faces and beautiful bodies and they ruin it all with the junk of tatoos and pierceings. UGH
Tatoos on these hunks are like painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa. It stinks. I think these things should be outlawed.
I totally agree - women shave their pussies - real men don’t eat quiche (calm down, that’s just a joke)and don’t remove the evidence of being men - one of the main ones (pieces of evidence, that is) is body and pubic hair - when i scan for porn, i just skip any signs of shaved hair (including armpit hair) cuz that means to me a faggy/feminine sense of self in the man and i’m looking for a man i would want to slap skin and get sweaty (even if it’s only in my porn fantasy) with - in other words, a man who likes being a man
Below is a quote from [M][a][r][t][y] above, with whom i agree (as he agrees mostly with david k. who i assume is author of the piece)and I want to repeat and add 2 (or 200) more cents to it after his quote:
” . . . Second is the way rimming is portrayed most of the time. There is more to rimming than polite licking! Why do I only see full-tilt whole-hog rimming in kink videos? If they’re going to utilize it in ‘mainstream’ porn, they should do it up right! I mean, they go to the trouble of making fisting detailed, why do they skip over the meaty portions of rimming most of the time?”
“Then I agree 111% with the author’s opinion of shaved pubes - for me, too, they make a man’s body look infantilized [for the record, I hate the shaving of women in straight porn, too] and just as with shaved bodies, feminize him. Men have body hair, shaving all of it off turns them into boys [or, women]. Grooming is one thing, shaving entirely another.”
I think the unfortunate thing about current video rimming is that it’s almost always pro forma and a prelude to the rimmer then fucking the rimmee - what i find real hot is when one dude “tops” the other and has the “bottom” rim him as part of his demand to be serviced and worshipped and rimmed (see older videos like Tony Stefano in “Inch by Inch” or Brian Maddox in (among others) “The Bigger the Better”) where the studly guys dominate and demand that their soon to be fucked “bottoms” give themselves, the “tops,” the rimming pleasure that their beautiful and unshaved (and as they say, (”yeah . . . lick my) SWEATY) asses and assholes deserve.
For David K, whose intelligent writings i really enjoy and identify with (like your (i think it’s you)top ten things you hate about contemporary porn), your own blog seems to beg the question of why you include in nightcharmer so many shaved balls and asses and etc. I guess it’s so widespread that it’s hard to find top hot porn with real unshaven studly guys doin it. Kristen Bjorn’s stuff would be real hot if the guys were natural (i.e., unshaven) and more into the rimming, sucking, etc. His older stuff seems to me to be better than his more recent vids, but still, even his first pornos had the muscle studs mostly shaved . . . maybe i’m just a grouchy fart but the “straight” and/or masculine guys i see and sometimes get lucky with, don’t do the shaving shit that mostly, by my sights, is a part of the chelsea boy-circuit party fashion and a big step away from the real men who make my balls itch.
I guess, it’s part of the (my?)eternal conundrum of wanting to do it with real men who by my (internalized homophobic?) tastes, are not the gym-perfect bodies of ribbon clerks with lisping talk or flawed imitations of authentic masculine guys. Rather, they are the guys who get their bodies from real sports/ manual labor or a combination thereof. (Christopher Maloni of “Oz” and now, “Law and Order: SVU” epitomizes for me that kind of man who is naturally studly and hot and for whom i would give much to spend the night with.) I am at the same time aware that the very term, “authenticly masculine” could be (and has been) examined in many volumes and can’t, by me, be explained and/or understood in a quick blog comment.
Maybe, i just need some more hours on a psychanalyst’s couch but i’d rather spend those hours with a hot married puerto rican amateur boxer who doesn’t know from shaving his balls or ass or paradise trail but does know that he loves getting licked everywhere and sucked in a way that his mommi (i.e., his wife) just doesn’t really get or get into .
i hate it when the 80% of the prduction is bj
Poof! You’re suddenly gayer
Ho scoperto Nightcharm tramite una pubblicit sull’ultimo numero di Butt. Incuriosito, ho iniziato a cliccare sui vari link ma non ho ancora capito del tutto che cosa sia. Il titolo per Gay Erotica, Blog and Naked Men Pictures: ce…
Peter Puller wrote:
“Please stop saying “suck THAT dick”, “fuck THAT ass”…”
Yes, what is it with that “that”? Do they have another dick or another arse? It’d be a sweet life being a porn scriptwriter, that’s for sure.
Here’s another: nonexistent plotlines and stories. I mean, we know they’re just an excuse to get into the sex, but make an effort, guys. Titan’s “Garden of Lust” was a few minutes on cheap garden furniture on a back lawn with no flowers and no trees and no sex, and then inside to a spa pool and a divan. So call it “Divan” or “Jacuzzi Fun” or something. “Hot Wheels” had a few minutes unscripted, unintelligible talk about one undistinguished car, otherwise languid sex with no motivation. Sometimes you’d swear they’re just rolling the camera to fill their time quota.
so, what’s good flick to rent or buy, then
definitely bush. nice thick hairy bush. yum. and fuzzy ass crack too. (show more ass!) shaved pubes make you look like a plucked chicken. you’re a priss, and that’s no fun in bed. my other peeve is when an otherwise cute guy has got plucked eyebrows. so silly. 70s porn is the best. masculine and natural. both the twinks and the big men looked beautiful. sometimes i think that gay guys who buy into shaving, cologne, et cetera are just victim to gross consumer capitalism. liberate your libido. don’t let them desexualize gayness for profit!
Well since i live in a conservative society where gay sex is simply a fantasy for me, i tend to live vicariously through gay porns. As of such i find the whole thing of straight men in gay porn flics disappointing. Isn’t the whole point of gay porn, knowing that the guy in the vid is just like you,i.e. totally obsessed with the male physique and wanting to explore it in great intimacy. I want to know that the guy i’m seeing up on screen is truly into other men as much as i am, and that they are truly enjoying sex with each other, being the pigs they are. Afterall people, aren’t there enough hot straight guys out in the wider society that even though u are ridiculously attracted to them you know that nothing could ever be since the’re straight; why would anyone want to experience these same disappointing feelings while getting their regular porn fix. I think it kinda says the wrong message that there isn’t enough hot gay men out there, so we have to recruit straight men for our industry. I do think however that you can have sub porn groups with “straight men going gay” for people who get off on that type of shit (sean cody does a decent job of potryaing intimacy between straight men sometimes, but the key word here is intimacy and not forced, artificially set-up fucking).
My second peeve are over glamourized gay porn vids, i want the sex i see to seem natural, raw and earthy. I hate when i watch gay porn vids and it is obvious that the actors are acting and the video is being rigidly directed and edited. Gay vids should seem like normal, intense, powerful gay sex between genuine and masculine men that are totally into each other.
I hate cheesy porn music, that mask any noises being made, i want to hear it all and i want it to hear the men say stuff that show that they are enjoying banging each other, no muffled repetitive groans please, big turnoff.
Shaved or unshaved is trivial to me, but i like the site of pubic hair, with the rest of the body shaved so i can see the glorious male definition.
Finally i hate vids where its like 12min of oral, 8 min of rimming, 5 min of anal done in 2 typical positions and a cumshot shot shot from one angle.The sex should seem less structued. Also why is it very little of the actors in the big studio productions swallow the cum, i know about safety and all that stuff, but if your going to blow a cock for 12 minutes and swallow all that precum, you might as well swallow its richer cousin (i.e. the cum), or at least take it in the face. A also dislike egocentric tops that make the sex about boasting their hot bods and skills at dominating the bottom, whom they sometimes rarely kiss, Lucas and adonis does this sometimes.
i agree i also hate trimmed or shaved pubes. let your garden grow!
Wow, where to start? Cheesy sets, lighting, and dia