Big boys and Christmas!

Tis the season when Bears go wild.

Maybe it’s because they’re such hunks of funk –between the beards and the cigars and the barrel chests. Maybe it’s because they’re so obviously loaded with testosterone.

But when Bears let go, they really let it ride, all of it.

At left we have the classic Bear in his excellence, photographed by Bearfighter, who specializes in the Bears of Europe. The Christmas Tree and While House are courtesy of Nightcharm, of course, and Photoshop.

Certainly this gruff-looking number is the dream Bear, with each aesthetic nuance calibrated just right. Natch, he’s uncut, being a Frenchman. Would a dream Bear be any other way?

All well and good for the Bear in Babeland, for the perfect Bear who is at one with Plato’s eternal forms. But what happens in the wilder woods of the real world? After that one eggnog too many? When our Bear is big enough and bold enough? When he’s too legit to quit?

All we know is that Big Boys — no, make that one Big Boy in particular, our favorite Bear on YouTube ( but we think he’s representative of the whole hairy-chested breed) — our Mr. Big Stuff carries right straight on. Chalk it up to the the Christmas season, but whenever he gets a brazen urge to … wait for it … completely GIRL-OUT! …. he breaks into a round of outrageous lypsyncing. Then uploads it to the internet!

Oh, we know. Some of you purists are fleeing this entry right now to hunt for dream dick further down the page. But stick with us, brave hearts. There is no lump of coal at the bottom of this stocking.

Because we’re not talking your father’s drag-queen lypsyncing. We’re not talking Adam’s apple wobbling, all-too-sincere “This is My Life” psychodramas of wounded transgender. No, our favorite Bear has a ball with the songs, acting out all the words like the big, lovable kid he is, with a host of show-and-tell props.

Ladies and Gentlemen — children of all ages! — put your yams together for the candy-cane kookiness of Mr. Noel Bear

And why not? Live free or die, baby, to quote the license plate on Santa’s sleigh.

Noel, noel.

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