Super Bowl? Frankly, we prefer the Oscars.
Super Bowl for us is about the new beer commercials where guys make ever bigger jackasses of themselves and, of course, the always good for a laugh half-time show. (Will Britney be this year’s surprise, wowing the fans as she runs onto the field in straight jacket, amid screams and white-smocked orderlies chasing after her with butterfly nets? Only to be met by Dr. Phil rising out of the stage in a sinister puff of smoke, joining his bullfrog basso to her moany contralto for a kick-ass rip on Joey Ramone’s I Wanna Be Sedated. We can only hope.)
As for the actual football game that is played at the Super Bowl: not really our thing, darling. Football players, however … another story entirely.
And apparently we’re not alone.
Comcast, the cable provider, did a survey to find how many high-def sets were sold in anticipation of this Sunday’s Super Bowl LXII. Among the findings were that high-def sets are primarily a male purchase, that men are most concerned with size (ah-huh) while women fret over decor and sound issues. Then Comcast asked a most curious — but, really, the most important — question of all:
Who did the 1,006 randomly selected respondents (503 men; 503 women) think “would look better in high def”: The quarterback for the New York Giants, boyish Eli Manning, below, or the much more famous, part-time model and full-time hunkeroonie Tom Brady, above, the quarterback for the New England Patriots.
Let us pause for a moment to admire the delicacy of the phrasing: Who do you think would look better. Each word chosen so as not to further tighten the sphincters of an already severely overtightened Jockdom. Translation (for the straight-impaired): Who do you think is hotter.
And now let us allow ourselves a moment of outrage: How dare they!
This is a Nightcharm question! It is our prerogative — yours and mine, gentle reader — to decree such things!
It is our special gift, is it not, boys, to know a fine flank of man-beef when we see one running around in tight white spandex — and please, rain goddess, make it rain again like it did at the last Super Bowl so the spandex turns sheer and transparent, and everything is on display, especially on the supersized black players, whose bodacious dark contours showed so distinctly through the pale, evaporating fabric.
What a raw man-show that soggy Super Bowl was! Ass cracks and jockstrap lines and the whole nine yards. And the only thing the Morality Police at Fox News could cluck about the next day was ditzy little Prince and his enormous guitar shadow which, when projected for a moment on a large billowing sheet, looked like a raging, spade-headed … well, guitar.
But back to the Hotness Question and the Comcast survey. Who would the guys pick? Who would the gals pick? And would they pick the same dude?
On one side we have the low-key Manning, with his self-effacing smile and endearing tendency to sound thick-tongued, a remnant perhaps of a shy boy’s speech impediment, forever in the shadow of his gregarious alpha-male brother, the superstar quarterback Peyton Manning — that is, till this year when it was Eli who was to go to the Super Bowl and not Peyton. This will be Manning’s first time at America’s biggest rodeo.
Tom Brady, on the other hand, has been to the Super Bowl five times, leading his team to victory in three of them. Sometimes called the best quarterback of his generation, he has broken out of strictly guy-centric jock endorsements to do fashion modeling, as below, for Stetson.
Unlike Manning, (either Eli or Peyton), Tom Brady inspires adoring articles like the one that appeared last Tuesday in The Washington Post:
At some point, and it’s not clear exactly when, Tom Brady went from being merely a football celebrity to being a celebrity.
Maybe it was because of the three Super Bowl titles. Maybe it was the cover boy good looks. Maybe it was the penchant for dating actresses/supermodels. But however and whenever it happened, it has become clear during the buildup to this Super Bowl that the quarterback of the New England Patriots has jumped from being merely sports page fodder to being something much more, a genuine paparazzi target
Brady’s bad ankle was chronicled every bit as breathlessly last week on the entertainment television shows and celebrity-tracking Web sites — usually dominated by Britney, Lindsay and Brangelina — as it was on “SportsCenter”…
…when the team arrived in the Phoenix area Sunday evening for Super Bowl week, Brady was at a podium speaking in front of a packed news conference. Still, it was a far more controlled setting than he’d encountered in New York, making him one of the few players in NFL history to come to a Super Bowl to escape a media circus.
So who do you think the gals went for? The dreamboat, right? No, they liked the shy guy.
It was the men — the men! — who picked Mr. McDreamy, Tom Brady.
Now Nightcharmers, it’s time to have your say.
Which of these two quarterbacks would you NOT throw out of bed? Which of the two would you find worthy of your sweet ministrations … and lower instincts? Which one, in short, would look …um, “better”… in your high def World of Love, Love, and Love?
Don’t be afraid to elaborate.
Eli or Tom? Talk about a “Sophie’s Choice”. But in hi-def, I would have to vote for Tom. Oh, just imagine a close-up of his classicaly handsome face on a huge screen. At a Super Bowl party, I would have to hold the chip bowl over my lap so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. However, if the question were who I would want in my bed, the answer is both. So I’m greedy. So sue me.
Both please. I can multitask.
Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go
I Wanna Be Sedated.
Make mine Tommy boy!
Well this is kind of gay, no matter how fancy you put it. It reminds me of when I was young and jerking off on pictures of hot soccer players. I guess Soccer is here what “American Football” is over at your continent.
Picking is hard because to be honest, I don’t find either of them incredibly attractive, my heart would be with the cute guy. And even though “Tommy” is a name which usually makes me think of huggable blond guys, this one isn’t at all that cuddly. So Eli it is that will not be kicked out of my bed -he’s still a little too old to my taste though.
I’m sure they’re both great athletes, but for me they’re about as appealing as Tang.
Especially if I was a woman, the last man I’d get involved with next to a famous musician or a doctor is a pro-athlete. Not only is there nothing worse to live with than a washed-up jock, but they’re prone to the trade-up mentality when it comes to the ladies. As Bridget Moynahan can attest to, you can never be hot enough to keep these guys from shopping around for a better model. The spite and humiliation just aren’t worth what little fun would come from dallying with Johnny Quarterback and his ever-roving eye.
Brady can fuck me until my ass is pulverized into dust. Any questions?
Eli, Eli, and more Eli
IF I were to chose? The both of them in bed, while I watch… and record. They flip-flop and do many an interesting thing.
OH? are those the only choices? mix me up some more , throw in Troy Aikman and Joe Montana for experience!!! PLZ
Making me choose between Eli or Tom is like making me choose between water or air. That’s just not fair! I need both. Besides I would need to see them both naked before I make my final decision but at the moment I suppose I would have to go with Tom, thoughI retain the prerogative to change my mind at moment’s notice.
None of the above.
Brady!!!
3-Nah is either hetero or neutered (or if he’s married, probably both). GOOD LORD MAN, stop cock blocking beauty!
I wanna see Brady pushing relentlessly into Manning’s end zone. While my tongue provides encouragement at Brady’s flank.
Gincho: I’m a flaming homo. But whether I’m hetero or neutered, there’s really something that’s blocking me from fancying Manning or Brady: it’s called GOOD TASTE in men.
3-Nah — Zing!!! LMAO!
MANNING RULEZ
Underdog wins the Superbowl. And that’s all she wrote!
I don’t think they’re so great either. Middle of the road at best.
Tom Brady is a douchebag….a cute douchebage….but a douchebag nonetheless.
And Eli Manning just don’t do it 4 me. Like 3-Nah, I have good taste in men too.
both unless there little than neather but my limit is 10inches………….what it has to be big and thick 4 me but i might me a homo but i do like cute guys and boyh of thm got that so both of them can all ways score with me…………….god there pics make me hot
Whichever one has the hairiest ass.
I am from Boston and felt bad about the whole pile of Sh-T! Tom is one of those blonde guys with the dark roots and I am sure dark pubes. I have a weakness for that. Eli has a “bobble-head” look with the helmet on, but not half bad with it off. I’m a married guy. So sue me!
Brady dates the girls by day and evening, and then goes home and sucks/fucks the guys Tom Cruise has kicked out of his bed.
Mr. Brady is drop-dead GGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!