Psychic Celebrity Profile: Pierce Brosnan

By Miranda Celeste-Walters / Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
Miranda Celest-Walters

It’s been two weeks since we checked in with Celebrity Psychic, Miranda Celeste-Walters, about the inner worlds of Hollywood’s hottest studs. We needed our fix, so we called her direct line to ask for a personal peek into the daily dalliances of heartthrob, Pierce Brosnan. Here’s the revealing interview that transpired:

Nightcharm: So what can you tell us about Pierce?

Miranda Celeste-Walters: I can tell you that he’s eating a lot of crackers these days, and I don’t know why. (laughs) I’ve just been feeling this from him. These could be health-oriented crackers.

NC: So more likely, these are Triscuits and not Cheese Nips?

MCW: Well, if you compare the nutritional data of Triscuits versus Cheese Nips, you’re going to find a lot of the same things. You’re going to be shocked at how similar they really are. We’re only talking about a 30 calorie difference, per serving, for instance. These crackers, for Pierce, are not Triscuits or Cheese Nips. Maybe Vegetable Thins.

Pierce Brosnan Drunk

NC: Tell us what you can see about Pierce and his sex life.

MCW: Is this for that website again?

NC: No.

MCW: Well, the main thing is that Pierce is very tender, but he moves without a lot of grace. He saunters through the door and you think there’s going to be this whole seduction, but instead he jolts, tumbles forward, and falls on top of you. It’s not what you think you’re going to get with him. Also, gas causes him some pain.

NC: Is it true about him hitting the bottle a little hard lately? Is there an addiction?

MCW: What a lot of people don’t understand is that uncontrollable drinking and “alcohol addiction” are not the same thing.

NC: Any scandals in the future?

MCW: I’m going to say this: Scandals, for Pierce, are deeply buried in the past. These are things that people aren’t going to hear about for many years. When they finally come to light, you’re going to be dealing with words like, “rage,” “staining,” “travel agency,” “discount” — that kind of thing.

NC: Do you have any advice for fans of Pierce Brosnan?

MCW: I think you’re all doing fine. All you can do is try.



  • ricardo

    all the drama this currently pathetic culture can muster. it’s amusing to visit this site at varying times….in knowing the quality of intellect and clarity from 12 years ago, the postings of some seem entirely removed from the caliber, relevance, and irreverance. they seem to written by someone completely unrelated to any notion of queer. a ghost writer with crap taste — like visiting an island and feeling the atmosphere represent something that negates the rhythm of local dance. yet, with such a substance of LIES passing as fact these days — very little is going to have rhythm, no?

  • joel

    it’s a joke, dude. get over yourself.

  • http://stevetask.blogspot.com Steve Task

    Freaking Christ, it’s satire. Congratulations on lots of three-syllable words though.

  • Anonymous

    AT-mos-phere. RE-le-vance. CAL-i-bre. L.O.L.

    Anyway, my new quote of the month is, “What a lot of people don’t understand is that uncontrollable drinking and ‘alcohol addiction’ are not the same thing.”

  • Thorn

    How can Ricardo ever get laid? He’s already got a major stick up his ass. Maybe that’s all he needs?

  • Erydanus

    I think this Celebrity Psychic thing is very amusing. : )

  • Max Tesa

    Screw you Ricardo, lighten up. This posting is BRILLIANT!

  • richard

    exactly, this site has morphed into something related to the pathetic, bigoted, and voyeuristic piece of shit parochial garbage passing as anything remotely healthy. anonymous posting from voyeuristic pieces of shit….brilliant pile of garbage your site as morphing that your site has become david. a reminder as to why i no longer visited. welcome to the new york post — the prime source of fox news and everything relevant to the giant LIE. a one-way relationship — certainly must take huge balls that the ghost writers and staff obviously are lacking.

  • joel

    stop being crazy. like, seriously. this is a porn site, not NPR.

  • Thorn

    I like this site better than NPR, there’s stimulating articles as well as sex. It bothers the crap out of me how ‘good’ or ‘worthy’ media are raised up on a pedestal and are completely devoid of sexual energy (in at least some form) as if it weren’t necessary for life.

    I’m sick to death of people who demonize sex and physical enjoyment, and who use shame as a method of control.

  • Ed of the north,

    “Is this for that website again?” “No.”
    I laughed.

  • jude

    HA!!! Very funny.

    Richard – do you poop your pants in anger when you see a television program like ‘strangers with candy’?

 
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