The Fat Lady has sung. The last dog has died.
And still she hangs on, clutching her barely-there 2-percentage-point victory in Indiana. From her cold, dead hands, children. From her cold, dead hands.
What I will miss most about my Hillary — for yes I am a supporter and yes I would vote for her again and yes, yes, I know, she is sooo cooked — is the way she would look at Barack Obama during the debates. That frozen glare behind the frosted smile. The slight up tilt of the forehead. God, that was priceless!
There would be ol’ Barry sawing away and saying nothing, all misty uplift about change and hope and the American people, slipping ever so carefully into just the palest of black preacher cadences, something for the home team, no Reverend Wright, of course; more Miss Diahann Carroll in an Oleg Cassini gown glossing her way through Aretha: R. E. S. P. E. C. T., ladies and gentlemen. That’s what y’all mean to me.
And there would be my Hillary in all her late-blooming, newly blondized, Georgette Klinger radiance, the robot who suddenly grew a heart and look ma, she’s even warm to the touch! All red-carpet razzle dazzle beside the dour law professor, with his down-turned lips and his solemn — here I risk a racist word — dignity.
Yes, white people have dignity too, just not so much of it, not like our new sprung Baracks and Michelles who are rising ever higher. Ah, Barack and his stylish wife (Howard Stern calls her “Blackie-O”) with her own set of dour, down-turned lips — there is all the marble dignity in this couple of the nine Supreme Court Justices with the Supreme Court steps and the History of Jurisprudence frieze thrown in.
Now my girl Hillary, she has no dignity. She’s shameless, She’s ruthless. She’s Hermione Granger, waving her hand at the front of the class, with all the answers in her head. You couldn’t possibly insult her. Swift boat Hillary Clinton? Been there, done that. Let us count the ways:
Lesbian. Murderess. Wiccan. Shyster Lawyer. Whitewater Profiteer. Lady Pimp for Bill’s Bordello of Bimbos — these are just the most glistening bones left on the shore, skeletons of broken anti-Hillary slime campaigns past, funded at first by crackpots but soon by savvy Republican strategists who could see far up ahead to the Oval Office.
They first smelt blood back during Bill’s initial run for the White House when she stepped forward in her signature headband and said she wasn’t one of these little women who baked cookies all day. How the Right Wingers hated her for mocking the Stepford Wives of their retrograde daydreams, and what hell they raised over “Cookiegate.” Not that it took with the voters. The voting majority of the Nineties resembled working woman Hillary much more than the embalmed sorority of red-white-and-blue Republican ladies-if-you-please like Pat Nixon (who was surely born in white demi-gloves) and the then (could you die!) most beloved grandmother in America, sweet, toothsome Barbara Bush, “authoress” like so many GOP first ladies of a book about living in the White House from the point of view of a dog, of whom Richard Nixon once said, “I like her. She knows how to hate.”
Hillary knew how to hate too but she knew something even more important. How to stay on her game. Never let them see you sweat, to quote an unknown Ascended Master of Madison Avenue. Could there be a more stupendous FUCK YOU to the anti-Clinton freaks than how far the lady in the headband traveled after the White House? And again let us count the ways.
New York Senator. Big-bucks “author” of a hit autobiography (no talking dogs in sight). First woman running for president so hard and so sure that her gender stopped being part of the storyline, except, of course, when Hillary deployed gender in her adorable, shameless way, using it to chill criticism (Chris Matthews was correctly chastised for going medieval on her “shrill cackle”) and to win votes from her sisters-in-arms.
Who can forget her fabulous New Hampshire gambit, the voice throbbing with — important qualification — unshed tears, the eyes glossy with all the artistry of Joan Crawford, who like Hillary never quite cracked, the waterworks never quite overran the dam, nothing that would distract from the tremulous line readings. Who, I ask, can forget my Hillary telling the woman voters of New Hampshire that she cared, she really cared, about this country, speaking with an air of sudden amazement last seen at Sally Field’s Oscar speech, as if the depth of her feeling for the nation shocked even her, then gratefully accepting an unnecessary Kleenex and gamely fielding the next question about how she kept her hair looking so spruce during the campaign.
Shameless? This was a master class in shameless.
And it was matched, not for the first time, by her post-election night speech last Tuesday. No matter that she barely squeaked out a win in Indiana while losing North Carolina by a knee-capping 14-percentage points, Hillary came out on stage like a champ, addressing a sea of blue Hillary signs, glowing with an insane sort of manic victory through every pore and blonded follicle.
(The Holy Family at left; everybody soooo happy.) Any minute now she’d float that ripe canard about “being open” to offering Barack the vice presidency.
Honey, that’s shameless, drag queen division — drag queen having a brawl with convict husband in a back alley, being filmed for Cops, who have to jump in to stop the convict from getting bloodied up too badly.
And now it’s all over. But for the shouting, of course. But for the back-room negotiations where, trust me, the Clintons will once again come out on top in every pore and follicle.
As for Barack Obama. Of course I’ll vote for him. It will be a kick to elect the first black president in America, an absolute thrill. For surely he will win. No matter what they call it — the Bush economy or the Bush war — this year the country will be voting on the Bush years. And John McCain, lovable lemming that he is, is cheerleading for those years, no matter how counter-intuitive.
Frankly, the Dems could run Goofy this year and still win.
Election night promises to be one long anti-climax. The most exciting contest of the year, the one we’ll remember, will be the Democratic primary of 2008, with all its Hitchcockian twists and, thanks to Hillary, Mildred Piercian flourishes.
And no matter how pedantic and self-righteous and god-awful uplifting the Obama years become, we’ll still have Bill and Hill working their shameless Clinton magic.
there there my dear. all good reified images must eventually dissolve. unfortunately perhaps she thought she was on a reality tv series. after all when it’s all said and done the only thing our great culture truly values is EGO and crminal behavior.
Don’t forget movie stars and not-for-profits, Dee Gee. They go together like cock in condom.
The Stranger’s Erica C. Barnett helps us ‘count the ways‘…
“The misogyny from the media, from supposedly liberal blogger doodz… and from just about everywhere during this campaign has been despicable. This kind of [woman-hating] shit ought to be behind us:
Hillary Clinton is a bitch. A big ol’ bitchy bitch. And a cunt. A “big fucking whore.” Fortunately, you can “call a woman anything.” She’s “Nurse Ratched.” She’ll castrate you if she gets a chance. She would like that. She’s a “She-Devil.” She’s a madam, and her daughter’s a whore. She’s frigid, and she can’t give head. She’s a “She-Devil.” A lesbian. A nag. When things get tough, she cries like a big dumb GIRL. In fact, she’s just that — a “little girl.” In FACT, she wants to “cry her way to the White House.” To be, ahem, “Crybaby-in-Chief.” That proves that she’s not tough enough. But she’s also not feminine enough. She’s “screechy.” She’s an “aging, resentful female.” She’s “Sister Frigidaire.” She really ought to quit running for President and stick to housework. She basically spent her entire times as First Lady going to tea parties. She’s a monster whojust won’t die. In fact, she really should just die. You can buy a urinal target with her face on it to express what you really think of her. OMG she’s got claws! She’s crazy. In fact, she’s a lunatic. She’s petty and vindictive and entitled. She’s a washed-up old hag. She’s “everybody’s first wifestanding outside probate court.” She’s a “scolding mother.” She’s shrill… shrill… shrill. She can’t take it when people are mean to her. She’s a “hellish housewife.” She’s Tanya Harding. She CAN’T be President, what with the mood swings and the menses.Any woman who votes for her is voting with her vagina, not her brain. Women only like Hillary because she’s a fellow Vagina-American. And because they vote with their feelings. Frankly, anyone who still thinks we need “feminine role models” should get over it and move on, already. Oh, and men who supporters are castratos in the eunuch chorus. You shouldn’t make her President because she wants it too much. She’s totally just banking on support from ugly old feminists. And she looooves to “play the victim.” She cackles! And cackles. And cackles. It’s like she’s a witch or something! She’s definitely“witchy.” And now you can buy her cackle as your ring tone. Her voice, too, is “grating”—like “fingernails on a blackboard” to “some men.” She’s hiding behind her gender. She isn’t a “convincing mom” because she’s too strident. She never did anything on her own. Her husband keeps her on a leash. She hates men. Her campaign is a “catfight.” She makes people want to kill themselves, is like a “domineering mother,” and is cold. And OMG she has boobies! All of which are reasons to hate her. (And boy, could I go on.)
Wait, was this satirical? I can’t tell.
Doesnt matter at all who the Dem nom is, all those old white Super Delegates are gonna pick the old white Rep who they feel safest with.
What a terrific tribute, John, even though David K. seems to have some trouble with its object!
After agreeing with all that’s been said above, I realized that this was the first primary I’ve voted in since I reached the age of consent (1972 – how many states did McGovern win? one?) where there was a real choice between candidates. You neven know what’s gonna happen between now and november . . . love from across the waves!
This is to the editors/mediators of this site, NightCharm, (a site I enjoy extremely, and not for the obvious reasons, but am considering taking off my desktop after today.). What the fuck are you people thinking allowing this to be posted to your site? I speak of the diatribe that David K. posted from the Media Matters for America site, written by Ms. Erica Barnett (actually he compiled different things written by her with shortcuts to the different articles that supposedly prove her point about Ms. Clinton.). My question is this, and your answer to me, whether by email or posted here, will determine whether or not I ever come back to your site again: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING LETTING HIM POST THIS WARMED OVER BOTTOM-FEEDING-SLUG SHIT? No. 1, it’s completely partisan. Are you running a really great gay site about our favorite subject? Or are we becoming a foul-stenched forum for Log Cabin Republican’s? (Hell, I don’t think even they would use this type of language. It must be some ultra-conservative, lesbian-bikers-in-Armani-suits faction of their party.) I would evicerate David K. while I’m at it, but he is obviously not capable of making an argument for himself without crayons so I’ll let him off this time.
But really, I can understand letting this sort of diatribe, albeit unsubstanciated, nasty, below-the-belt excrement, get posted but to let it stay posted after this many hours is simply not right. I truly am offended, and after tuesday’s setback for Ms. Clinton I’m feeling a little bruised already. Nothing else gentlemen but this. Shame on you. Shame on David. Especially shame on the most pitiful writer I have the misfortune to have read, Ms. Barnett. Really, shame on all of you. This is one of the very reasons we cannot come together as a group; a marginalized people, gay, lesbian, transgendered, bi, etal, can and will never be taken seriously until they rally behind others that are at least trying to make the system better. I’m not sure who or what is responsible for this site, Media Matters for America. Although judging from what I’ve read I feel the Republicans have something to do with it. I truly hope that Barak Obama is nowhere near it, since he belongs to a marginalized group of people himself. And, at least his group stand behind each other. Nonetheless, until we start standing behind a woman that runs for President as well as a Black man, Hispanic, etc. we will never do any better than we do at present.
Again, shame on you.
Hell, while I’m at it. I did leave out one person. While your biaed, not-so-accurate, and slightly personal (What happened John, Bill snub you at some event recently?)article was well written, it still begs the question…why is this site so willing to turn over editorial decisions of this nature. Are you fully in support of Obama or do you all just dislike Clinton this much? Nonetheless, whatever the reason is, it remains a fact that this site depends on it’s readers to pay the bills. And for a site of this nature, the gay entertainment kind, pandering to a specific democratic candidate by tearing down the other candidate in such a slick (inre: John’s article) and slimmy way (David K.’s favorite pundit, MediaMattersForAmerica’s Ms. Barnett) is simply irresponsible and a potential financial disaster for NightCharm.
Curtis
I support Obama. Yes, tis true. In fact money generated from this website (i.e., my salary) has actually gone into his campaign coffer (imagine that!)
Maybe I’ll run an op-ed type entry on him sometime soon. Though doubtful, John Calendo is the more astute political writer amongst our enclave.
I’ve nothing terribly wicked against Senator Clinton, though her presence is now outworn and unwelcome and it’s time for the Democrats to move forward. Today confirmed that with the superdelegate count slipping over into Obama’s favor.
Also, you missed the sarcasm that was behind my comments post above, where I lifted Erica C. Barnett’s commentary from Seattle’s The Stranger’s website. Ms. Barnett is (was) a strong Clinton supporter, btw — her Stranger post was compiled to exaggerate all of the projections and transferences and misconceptions that she feels Senator Clinton has withstood throughout her career as a woman, mother, politician and blonde lighting rod. I empathize with Mrs. Clinton’s plight, I really do … what’s that quote from Yoko Ono, “Woman is Nigger of the world”? Yes, that’s it.
And that’s all.
Cheers,
David K.
Publisher
Tammy would be so proud of Hillary. She stood by her man. Now her man stands by her. Hillary should be the nominee. If the Democratic primary rules mirrored the Electoral College as the Republican primary rules do, Hillary would have been the presumptive nominee weeks ago. We’ll see if Barack is mean enough or quick enough on his feet to keep from having his ass swiftboated. He reminds me of Jimmy Carter. That’s the reason I’m probably going to vote for John McCain.
Ooooh, Tom, think, think think before you vote Republican!
I could never vote for John McCain.
Cindy McCain, different story.
She gives me — as we say here in New Jersey — “douche chills!” Those Dina Merrill douche chills!
“Ramblin’ Rosie” is Hillary’s new nickname.
David, I sincerely appreciate “your getting back with me” through this medium while clearing up my offence. And I am not going to get into it with you why I feel both betrayed and, similiarly, dismayed by the Democratic party and it’s actions over the past couple of years in not compelling at one of the marginalized and viable candidates to simply “wait your turn” and let the more qualified person go first. Alas, noone, seemingly save me, thought that far in advance…nonetheless…I will simply address this: I am extremely glad that Ms. Barnett and even yourself (at first glance) have “nothing terribly wicked against” me. Truly, it would be a sight to see only from the preverbal fly on the wall spot.
Sincerely,
Curtis Glenn.
It’s interesting that Curtis didn’t know that David K owns Nightcharm and has been its heart & jizz for a long time now. I sometimes wonder if I would ever disagree with David if I didn’t know who he was. Ditto for John Calendo whose essays here I enjoy immensely. Meh, call me an ass-licker. I do lick ass and I like it. A lot. Especially when I’m in love with the guy.
I remember once reading something David K wrote about Faith Hill – it totally pissed me off considering that at the time I was in my gay cowboy phase and liking what Faith was doing musically. I winced at David’s casual dismissal of Faith like she was just another inconsequential fart being blown out of his ass – but I kept reminding myself that that was his opinion and in the scheme of things it didn’t matter because David was giving us the best porn site on the web. What the fuck did I care about what he thought about music??? I wasn’t coming here for the music reviews.
In a similiar manner, I don’t really care what political opinions most of my gay bros have. The more our community advances the more diverse we become. I’ll go to my grave not understanding the logic behind Log Cabin Republicans but I’ll also go to my grave not having wasted a moment of my life getting into a hissy about them because there ain’t nothing I’m ever going to say that’s going to unjam the logs from their republican sphincters.
Threatening to take one’s toys and go home doesn’t really accomplish much. Answering an opinion with a compelling counterpointed opinion at least offers the hope of stimulating thought and action.
OK, in the interest of full-disclosure, the picture of himself that David kept on the website for a lot of years made my dick fat every time I saw it. I’d look at that picture and think, “Man, I’ll bet he’s a nasty fuck.” I suppose at some level, guys that I wanna get fucked by can say anything they want to and it doesn’t matter.
I still don’t get gay republicans though.
She’s Tracy Flick, cupcakes and all! (From a Hillary fan)
HOORAY FOR MICKEY MOUSE!!! THE WHITE HOUSE WILL BECOME THE ENCHANTED CASTLE & WASHINGTON, D.C. WILL BECOME FAIRYLAND!
Tom, thanks for your response; I do appreciate it. And, no I didn’t know David K., or Erica Barnett, or John Calendo for that matter nor do I know what they own or how they effect my life (for instance someone that “gives us the best web site on the net”, which I agree with you 100%). Truly that doesn’t enter into my thought process when the red flag is waved in front of me. What I meant by “taking my toys and going home” was not expressed in the best possible manner. I suppose my old grandmother said it best: Don’t shit where you eat. Yes, this is a wonderful, recreational, softly pornographic web site for gay men: not a political think tank (especially one that calls Hillary a cunt, bitch, lesbian ho, ad nauseum, regardless how deeply the tongue is buried in whomever’s cheek). And I applaude you for admiting you are a kiss-ass, however, I am not. Unfortunately God did not bestow me with that or with the virtue of keeping my mouth shut either…I love a good debate. And while I do not particularly care what my other men in arms’ political beliefs are either, I will rally to the cause if, as I said, the red flag is flown my way. And Tom, one final note…I too love to kiss ass, just in the best way possible: kiss, lick, tongue, hell, my tongue is not long enough for my tastes…luckily no one has complained about it’s length so far.
I look forward to our next “meeting”.
CG.
Oh, and David, please put the “nasty fuck” pic. back up…I’ll get “puffed up” over you again any day (or at least a little swolen).
Hey Guys, Mickey & Minnie! How about the 2 BIG “O”;s running the country? Like there’s not enough rats in the White House !
WELL, SHIT! I THOUGHT I WAS THE GOOD FAIRY! THE BIG 3 FAIRIES ARE BLACK OBAMA, BLACK OPHRY & GOOD “OLE” BLACK RABBLE ROUSER AL SHARPTON! GOOD OLE WHITE BITCH HILLARY WILL RIDE BAREBACK TO THE WHITE HOUSE WHILE BUBBA LICKS HER ASS!
douche chills, John?
That’s my phrase for the day. We don’t use that term down here in Memphis, but we do have bumping cats. I sometimes think of Hillary as a cat bumper who can strap one on. Sometimes, she’s more like Evita. Remember how fabulous she looked as First Lady in that purple cape when she gave that impromptu news conference after testifying before a grand jury? Other times, she’s more Diane Keaton. Remember how stupid she looked in that hat during the first Clinton inauguration parade? And Bill. I will always love him. I’d go down on my knees for that man any day. I know he’d talk dirty to me. These television pundits do not understand the warped love that you and I and millions of Americans have for the Clintons.
Amen Tom…totally. While I’m at it, feeling particularly brave today, I need some feedback (And yes, I’d love it to not only come from fellow NightCharm watchers like yourself, but I particularly would like to hear from John C. and David K. since they seem to feel confident about casting theirs’)to help me feel a little bit better about the vote it’s looking like I’m going to be forced to, extremely and reluctantly, cast. So, I’m going to throw out a Molotov and see what blows…These are my only problems with Senator Obama, yet I feel these two problems are crucial (and since I felt Senator Clinton had at least one of these covered, and I have an immense respect for Bill and his abilities while in office and after meeting him a couple of times afterwards an even greater respect for his altruistic character, I’m a tad depressed on many political levels.): One, how does a man sit in a pew and listen to (and probably “amen” to), break bread with and be close friends with someone like the Rev. Wright for over twenty years, a man that has proven over the past month or so to be a loud, media-fucking and quick-to-throw-out-some-of-the-most-stupid-shit-I’ve-ever-heard (all of it knowing he was on film) minister of the cloth, and not believe in the things his pastor eschews? I know, I know some of the stuff Wright’s said isn’t exactly off the mark, but does he have to say it with and in the most inflammatory language/way possible? Then after starting out saying Wright is one of his best friends and mentors whom he will stick by, Senator Obama caves to the public outrage and insinuates he really didn’t know Rev. Wright felt this way and proceeds to all but suggest he neither ever met the man nor really listened to him or allowed it to have any effect. And furthermore, his ersatz friend/pastor should be hung in effigy…come on, even the most gullible person in the country had a little wink over that one…which brings me to the crux of my problem with the Rev. controversy: Does anyone really know Obama, his belief’s, his mores and most importantly if his word is believable on any level?
Two: Would you really rather have Obama than Clinton (Hilary) be awoken at two a.m. to answer THE (and plug in any catastrophic scenario you choose here) phone call? Come on, Obama has zippo experience, on any level. He has been a Senator for one term? Did he even complete that one? I for one am not taking things like terrorism lightly not to mention filling up my car’s tank (fucking ouch, SHIT, IT HURTS, really, I’M IN PAIN OVER HERE, can’t someone call 911, going down for the last time people!). Sadly, prospects for our economy improving sometime before we’re all sitting in our houses wondering how the hell we’re going to get to work without our cars looks really grim (Not to mention, and come on, this is a really big one, how the hell am I going to continue my hunt for the sweetest of bottom-hole, you know, THE perfect one? Are my bar-hopping days over? Talk about grim.).
So, all of that is to say, “Please, someone more knowledgeable than I…speak the words that will give me a much less foreboding feeling about pulling that lever in Nov.”
Love,
ceg.
“Yes, this is a wonderful, recreational, softly pornographic web site for gay men: not a political think tank.”
I’m positive that a glance through previous entries published over the last three years will reveal that the site has posted very similarly-themed political content before, so I’m not sure I understand where your shock is coming from. Clinton — with all her wince-inducing pandering and ever-mounting desperation — is certainly not the first politician that Nightcharm has lampooned, nor is she the sole female star/notable/public figure who’s been satirized for her foibles or persona.
Bill Clinton was not the first black President. He was the first white trash President. That’s why so many of us love him. It’s the same love and pride that African-Americans have for Sen. Obama. The Democratic Party needs to put its big tent up soon and leave space for us Clintonites.
Tom, Tom, Tom, pretty boy, was that a racist statement? Hell, I can’t ever tell, and I’m white so I really don’t qualify. However, after two degrees in English and one in History I can say that Bill Clinton does not meet the criteria for white-trash having written a graduate paper on white-trash literature of the 1930’s-40’s some years ago. Truthfully, I’ve never met a white-trash Rhodes Scholar before, or an ex-President of the United States for that matter (however, we just might come as close as we ever have when the current one becomes an ex, finally!). Now, if you want to better hone your white-trash radar read a novella entitled “Tobacco Road” by Erskine Caldwell…now that is the classic description of white-trash (And though the protagonists in Tobacco are dirt poor, I have known of many wealthy people that qualify..It’s just a better read when they are poor and hungry with no moral fiber what so ever.). It’s a short read, but it will blow you away, especially early on in the story when the family is trying to take away a burlap sack of turnips from their son-in-law. You’ll be screaming with laughter. Unfortunately that is the last time you laugh much…it’s a very poignant novel, but the best description of white-trash I’ve ever read.
BTW, when is David K. going to put that picture back on? My parts have not been swollen in so long; I’m not sure which ones are supposed to get bigger anymore…It’s the left arm isn’t it? Or is it the right one?
Later,
ceg.
I’ve read Tobacco Road, and I know Bill Clinton’s biography. He comes from what many consider white trash. That’s why the elite liberals have such disdain for him and why common folk love him so much. He did act a bit trashy in the White House. I stand by my statement.
Tom, if everyone that has gotten a blow job at work puts them in the white-trash catagory weeellllll, I guess I can let my teeth go and find me a pair of dirty over-alls, because I’m guilty…unlike Bill, bless his heart, I’m not going to parade around and say “I did not have sexual relations with that 22 year old grad-assistant” (but damn, luckily blow jobs don’t count…mouth like a Dyson!). lol, anyway, if you’ve read Tobacco Road then you know what I meant bout the turnips…scootin cross the dirt on her haunches, legs spread toward him…always makes me laugh.
Thanks Tom,
Ceg.
From the Washington Post:
Nightcharm guys, AMEN, and AMEN, and AMEN…and sincerely, thank you.
CEG.
THE GOOD FAIRY needs to shut his or her mouth!!!!!!!!