Types. Everyone has one. Everyone is one.

The Boy Next Door. The Dreamboat. Mr. Right. Mr. Vain. Big, Dumb and Slutty. Every cliche exists in life. Some lose ground and become merely quaint. Others gather stream and become iconic. The It Type of the moment: Douchebags. They’re everywhere and this emerging new type is easy to nail but hard to nail down. Not soulful, tortured or cool enough to be true Bad Boys and too oversexed to be geeks, it seems to be sheer unwarranted self-belief in all-consuming ego that drives then. Hollywood — the lodestar of all that we love and loathe sexually — is churning these dipwads out by the bucketful. With a sea of Summer’s Eve to wade through, how ever does one choose the pioneers?

Now, for your pleasure and edification, the definitive Top Ten Guide to the Douchebag Pantheon featuring a dazzling array of deluded D-bags not soon forgotten:

10. Wilmer Valderrama: Fun-Sized Douche

Like technically hot-from-the-neck down Dax Shepard and Sean “I couldn’t decide on a first name” William Scott, Wilmer is yet another Ashton-Kutcher douche protegee. Wilmer really went against type on That ’70s Show by playing a petite, fey man-child with a strange name who could only get young women who had terrible emotional problems to spread for him. His real claim to be fame is his role as Hollywood’s preeminent Virgin Surgeon. All manner of unsuspecting young starlets are drawn to his magnetic douchiness. Either that or his immense tool, which Wilmer is always happy to boast about. Quoth the douche: “Honestly, I’ve been very blessed. This is the place where I will tell you, yes, I am cursed with this gift. It’s over 8 inches.” Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be deflowered by this sawed-off lothario so that he can later rate you on a scale of 1 to 10? Fate has smiled again on Wilmer as he’s now essaying the role he was born for: portraying Francis “Ponch” Poncherello in the upcoming C.H.I.P.s remake, a part once made famous by his predecessor douche equivalent Erik Estrada. (more…)

You’d think that being a man who is attracted to other men gives you a leg-up on how to make yourself look hot. You know exactly what someone who looks at men would like, and you can emulate those traits or build up those parts of your body.

I’m talking specifically about the key areas where the eyes drift on a nearly-naked male, or the features that identify him as healthy, fit or masculine. In our culture those places are especially well-built abs, pecs and biceps.

So it shouldn’t be surprising to see gay men pounding away at those muscles in the gym, emerging with ballooning chests, thick arms and rippled abdomens, but with a little less build elsewhere. If not committed enough to work on all three, some guys will focus on one of those areas; you’ll find skinny boys with abs so defined you could grate cheese on them, or pecs that look like they could fill a D-cup — complete with horizontal creases two inches under each nipple.

That’s what I call the gay physique. I don’t mean to be derogatory, but when I walk around in a gay club where all the men are shirtless or in tight clothes, its painfully obvious who built themselves up by moving a hunk of metal back and forth in one of the most controlled and linear ways possible.

The key place to look is the forearms, which go largely ignored in a gym, and will be small in proportion to the rest of the body. Then every once in a while you’ll see a guy with a chest so big you want to ask if he’s ever tried to balance a TV tray on it. (more…)

Of their latest update, the guys at our Fantasy Boys theater say:

"This model is keeping a secret from his girlfriend. She thinks the dildos are for her, but instead, the toys are for him! In fact, sometimes he sneaks out of the house and cruises for the real thing."

For me… Eh. The "fantasy" doesn’t work, but so long as that crap is all made up anyhow, I’ll be the first to say that the model is hot, and I certainly don’t mind watching him take some time with a dildo.

His own generous erection is a lot more central to my interest than any sort of facsimile of one, however.

If you’re a member of our members area, The Inner Circle, log in and view the goods for yourself.

Do straight women enjoy gay porn?

That was the primary question on my mind when I sat down with my good friend Virginia Peters, an art professor and tantra maven in Seattle Washington.

But, with Virginia, as I expected, so much more was explored and revealed: The passionate demands of Aphrodite, the American tendency to overlay it’s mercenary psychology onto sex, especially the classic “money shot” that’s become the raison de etre of all porn — gay or straight.

The mythology of love between men and women in general, and of course, as promised what do women want from porn, gay or otherwise. Is the feminine connective principle present within the uroboric bubble of male/male love/lust?

Read on and see for yourself: (more…)

It’s called Reality Porn, but in truth it’s anything but. In the new Fantasy Boys theater, Inner Circle members find the guys they’ve had their eye on for years — the one’s you never approach, in some of the hottest, and in other cases some of the strangest scenarios you could dream up.

The set-ups range from everyday (a trendy tatooed personal trainer [Tristan, of Cruierboys fame] working over his skinny, rock boy client) to absolutely stupid (two hunky football players and a Roman soldier, a young bike messenger and a naval officer in full uniform…)

In all cases, the sex is hot and the dicks are larger than average. The guys are into what they’re doing. It’s that wonderful combination of sensations in which you’re in the edge of laughter and then you notice you’ve got a hard-on the size of Minnesota.

It’s a great time to consider joining Nightcharm’s Inner Circle. There’s literally more porn than you can handle, and isn’t that the way we all like it?

Anthropologically, he’s known as Heroicus Humanus.

Street name: He-Man.

In the antediluvian landscape of the distant past, his was a breed of peerless renown. It was he who led the war-glutted ice apes as they cut a battle swath through the witch-haunted marshes of the untrodden west.

Naked and armed with only a broadsword upon blazing Lemurian shores, he alone drove the invading sea serpents back into their charnel citadels of the deep. He-Man used his cavernous cleavage to suffocate the Lizard King atop his jewel-brindled aerie, then beat back and anally subdued the Troglodorian Brotherhood as they marched upon the eldrich gates of Myr where slumber the star-spawned ones.

Now he’s an extant loner wayfaring the Big Apple, teetering on the brink of extinction…and topless…perpetually topless.

You’d swear it all sounds like a syndicated TV pilot from the 80s starring Lorenzo Lamas, but it’s actually the brilliant, just-for-the-hell-of-it inspiration behind the culty blog findheman.com.

Its mission statement is clear: devote an ironic chronicle to a swarthy New York longhair in cargo pants and a Mohican pullback ‘do, create a fabulously overwrought mythos around him, document his movements on a weekly basis and elevate him to Web-wide stardom. (more…)