Miranda’s Fall Fashion Tips to Future-Fit Your Life for Gay Love

The time has come to reform your wardrobe for all those possible upcoming romantic interludes that the Autumn affords. That hoodie isn’t going to cut it this time. You’re a year older, for starters, and it has become slightly greasy — much like an ailing cat. Thankfully, resident celebrity psychic, Miranda Celeste-Walters has agreed to chart the course for your Fall fashion future, and beyond!

• The first thing I’m seeing on a lot of men this fall is an over-sized, mid-length short with an insulated lining and “folk” details reminiscent of lederhosen. But this is not a traditional item. This is going to appear for the first time, possibly in a Kanye West promotional spot called “Candy Love,” and it’s going to spread out of control.

• Your socks are going to be completely modernized this Fall. People are going to get serious about waterproof, and there’s going to be a move toward the statement sock.

• Let’s embrace our body types more this fall, and model ourselves after the animals we most resemble — our “fashion animal” I guess you’d say. In my case, I’m saying “tapir” or “marmot.” What is your fashion animal? If you are low to the ground with a flat head, it may be the Turbot (see "Turbot War.")

• Decorative paper.

• Your clothes are starting to become activity-specific. I’m going to the bank and I’m going to wear my bank trousers this time. They might have Velcro ® on the left side — facing the service window so that only that side of my body is revealed. That’s just one possibility. And what about clothes for food?

• We’ve been seeing hats turned sideways and backwards, but what will you do when finally your hat can turn itself? Thanks to wafer-thin bio-motors coming out of Sweden this year, it’s going to be possible, and I think the M4M community will be fast to adopt.

• This Fall, we’re going to start thinking about colors in a new, more rhythmic way.

Finally, as a general announcement for the homosexuals this Fall, I believe you’re on track. I’ve really seen across-the-board improvements in gay hairstyles recently and I think soon you’re going to look almost as good as normal people.