Jacking off. Wanking. Strangling the Kitten.
Call it what you may. It still leads to the same predestined end: the load blast, our nation’s greatest natural resource.
Allow me to extol but a few of its many virtues:
It’s Slangy! More so than the actual dick itself, the money shot inspires countless nicknames:
Splooge, Man Chowder, Hot Man Mustard, Dong Water, Donut Glaze, Spunk, Number 3, Population Paste, Gentleman’s Relish, Skeet, Load, Man Fluid, Penis Butter, Manthrax, Gizzum, Love Juice, Man Cream, Spew, Seed, Baby Gravy, Pearl Necklace, La Leche, Jizz, Wad, Pimp Juice, Baby Batter, Nut and Man Jam.
As other body fluids go, blood is the more vital, but though it may spew like a fountain in horror films, how many sobriquets has it earned?
Tears are poetic, yet still one-name wonders. And lymph? Please! Back of the line.
It’s Dynamic! Upon reaching climax, semen is thrust outward at ten miles per hour. Nothing beats either spraying all over your own face or dousing that flexing dumb guy who wants to buy your term paper all the way from across the room.
Unless you’re Horst Shultz, holder of the world record for long-distance ejaculation at an astounding eighteen feet, nine inches.
Bravo to Horst, who coincidentally also claims the title for tallest man (twelve feet, four inches) and has presumably laid numerous wives to rest.
They died in ecstasy.
It’s Profound! Where is Disney’s Travels of The Tadpoles documentary complete with folksy narration by Morgan Freeman already?
Sure, penguins are cute and gay, but our little wrigglers convey true pathos of their own.
An average spurt contains forty to six hundred million swimmers, making up only about three percent of actual semen. These determined bastards then haul ass like cliff-diving lemmings through the vaginal canal to fertilize a waiting egg.
I mean, if that’s your thing.
Maybe they just crash like so many beached whales upon the welcoming shores of your hunky personal trainer’s lips. Whatev. Their life cycle ends in only a few days and of the millions who begin the journey, a mere handful will survive the distance to penetrate the egg. Or end up hurled into a molten lake of stomach acid as they’re washed down with a vodka stinger.
The point is, it’s beautiful, IMAX-ready, and just begging for a Celine Dion theme song.
It’s Enigmatic! Stop and ponder that there’s a microscopic society of Snorks inhabiting your inseam that dies and is reborn in the amount of time that elapses between Britney’s public blunders of-the-moment.
Maybe it’s the biological grandeur of it all or just the Rohypnol taking effect, but that deserves some existential rumination.
In one sense it’s cosmic, our bodies housing a hyper-efficient and marvelous word, mirroring galaxies of distant stars and tailed comets hurtling across the void.
In another it’s deeply terrestrial, one single sperm cell following the path of our very first incarnation that dragged itself from the primordial swamp and set out into an unknown landscape proliferated with untold dangers.
It’s the ultimate allegory for Humankind’s very place in the universe.
So think about that, because my head hurts and now I have a nosebleed.
It’s Immortal! The Pop Shot can rightly lay claim to being the movies’ greatest and most enduring special effect. It requires virtually no technical preparation aside from a quick hit of Viagra and some encouraging slapping.
You don’t need a massive budget to pull it off. Unlike Stop Motion or CGI, it hasn’t had to adapt in the slightest to stay edgy and relevant.
While King Kong swatting down biplanes from atop his spire or Chuck Heston parting the Red Sea are still breath-taking milestones, it’s the sight of Peter North’s volcanic eruptions that we can watch over and over again and never tire of.
From Gang Bang Bukkake to Oral Cum Shots, loads a’ flyin’ are the sole film feat that be described as “ropey” and still hit the mark.
“The point is, it’s beautiful, IMAX-ready, and just begging for a Celine Dion theme song.” - - True. Oh so true!
Jesus! I love those photographs — truly beautiful. I sing the body cumlectric! Great article. Made me smile.
Never before has such a beautiful thing been said for baby-batter.
Population Paste!
BWAHAAHHAHAHAAAHAHAAA!
I don’t get why they call it Number 3!
Urine #1 - Defecating #2…..
…swallowing #3.
And then there’s injaculation. Ahhhhhh….
This was really more thoughtful and educated then I thought it was going to be. It was a delight to read and enjoy.
me and my boyfriend are both gay. we love cum expecially each others. what really gets us fired up and having sex is seeing other guys cum. these pictures are beautiful and we love them. expecially the dicks hehe
i would just love 2 see gays go at it live i would play all the mess they make and let them xplore my vague while i played with their thing
I love the last grey and white picture its just so beautiful almost makes me tear up LOL
i liked the second omne xD
hehe Im bisexal
nowww i really need cum in my mouth xD
heheh
Weird, I’m gay as a goose, yet I hate Cum. I’d be happy if there was no such thing as cum or pre-cum and we could orgasm with nothing coming out. To me it’s messy, sloppy, sticky, and I greatly fear it because of it’s ability to carry the HIV virus. I wish I liked it. I guess I like the feeling of it coming out of me, but then there’s the clean up, and the fact that it takes forever for it all to come out. Cripes, 10 minutes after coming, more can still leak out.
I sometimes wonder how I can be gay and hate cum. Well, I’m sure I’d hate the fluids coming out of women too. Guess I just dislike all bodily fluids.
Now the penis itself, on the other hand, is a work of art.
JH, the rest of us need people like you. Because everyone likes to be cummed on but few want to be the one who does it. And most people are strangely turned on by that guy who seems agressive before sex and disinterested after, you know, the guy who’s cocky and dickish (we want to hook up with those types though we probably woudln’t want to date them). There’s generally a lack of authentic callousness in sex; most guys end up faking a dominant streak and it doesn’t work. So feel proud of your unusual disintrest in being the subject of another guy’s liquid domination. You’re a commodity.
Strangling the kitten? :O
luv sucking, but hate the taste and smell of cum
Never used to like the taste or smell either, but now i cant get enough, wether it’s in my mouth, on my face, or shot all over me. It’s a beautiful thing.
I luv sucking a cock and luv getting the cum to squirt directly into my throat. I could do that all day and then thank the guys for giving me a belly full of it. I wish I had a friend who I had on hand to suck off several times a day and who would cum for me every time like Peter North.
I want a big hard cock
This may sound silly but I stopped smoking and drinking coffee just so my cum wouldn’t be bitter. I eat fruits everyday and drink a few extra glasses of pineapple juice if I know I’m getting some later on that night. Its like foreplay to me as I’m getting ready for my guy by making sure my cum is sweet for him. I figure that if it tastes good - he’ll be back for more.
The ultimate for me is to be standing over him and watching my cum shoot out of my dick and into his willing mouth while he jerks off and cums. My perfect partner wants my cum so bad that he can’t help but get off when he tastes it and greedily licks it up and sucks out the last few drops- at least that’s my fantasy.
I like watching a guy play with and eat my cum but I don’t have any interest to even touch his. I think its like JH said, maybe its the HIV factor that turns me off. I know, busting down a guy’s throat isn’t exactly safe sex but I know I’m clean (tested twice a year, safe top, never even tasted another man’s cum) and if he’s willing and wants it, hell yes, I’ll step up to the plate.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect him to but that doesn’t mean I won’t ask and be really really happy when he opens wide…
,,it was great…haha i really surprised,,,
i love dick
i love cum so much that it scares me sometimes. what really turns me on is a sexy set of abs. thats all i need to wrap my lips around his cock…kinda shallow i know but i cant help it.
u know what i hate about straight porn too? how come during all the ending cumshots the guy does all the work? if i was the girl getting cummed on i would be the one stroking his cock making sure to get every last drop…u should never let them miss either…always gets me kinda angry
the last picture is fuckin hot
Great post. I liked learning new slang terms for my favorite fluid. Some of them I’ve never heard before. Gentleman’s relish!!
I love cum. Mostly the smell — and that pearlescent look and feel. When my man comes before I do, I love it. The smells turns me on and thrills me like no other: cloroxy and nutty — the smell of masculinity drained down to it’s essence.
Funny how things change over the years…..when I was younger….cum was just the “messy result” of a very pleasurable sexual experience. Where it went…didnt matter…just pump it out of there as fast and as often as you can..was my motto.
Then something happened…I was introduced to my “Bi” side….and I discovered that I actually enjoyed the taste of cum….and that it could actually be used as an exquisitly sweet form of sexual torture!!
I found that I could orally manipulate another male…into such a sexual frenzy..that he would actually be BEGGING me to let him cum…and the reward for me, was in seeing the look of sheer lust and amazement in his eyes…when he suddenly realized that not only was I going to let him cum…I was not going to let go of his cock until I had swallowed every last drop of that tasty fluid!!!
i love cum
i love wen my boyfrend cums all over my ass then licks it off.
I also love wen someone sucks my big hard cock and they suck up every last drop of my jizz x