“Husky” is good, right? We would want three hours of continuous, hardcore action from some of Brazil’s “huskiest” men, wouldn’t we? Is it like rugged, only thicker, with grunting and stubble?
A loosely-held secret of porn promotional blurb-writing is that no matter what material the writer is handed, he must find some way to speak well of it. That said, though he can’t blatantly insult it, he doesn’t want to be entirely dishonest so there are quite a few occasions on which a writer is stuck saying something most easily likened to “that sweater-vest is so different!”
That’s because even though porn is a multi-billion-dollar industry, the quality of the product is wildly unstable. Writers must forge forward and say the best thing they can say to promote the video they may or may not have actually watched.
To that end I’ve compiled this short guide, after years of weary and dedicated porn promo-reading, to help you through the hurdles and hoops of discerning what should be the least traumatic path to your healthy erection.
Physique
Sexy: (Tommy’s sexy body) The model’s body is of appropriate weight and built. Unfortunately, models who are described as “sexy” also tend to have egregiously overwrought hairstyles and a propensity to tilt their heads to the side.
Despite looking like the lost member of the Pussycat Dolls, this model illustrates what porn promo copy writers are talking about when they say someone is “sexy.”
Chiseled: (Baker’s chiseled good looks) The model has protruding muscles and lower-than-average body fat. This is often accompanied by bad skin and a sunken face. (read the full article)