The Toughest M.U.G.s: Dressed To Kilt

By Shawn Baker
gay men in kilts

“How verdant is the heather, how manly are my loins?”

The song rings down the glade as the Highlands meet the Lowlands.

The kilt is back with a vengeance, though it never truly went away.

Old by 19th Century standards when it was popularized by the Scots, the garments are becoming more visible than ever. The Scottish Military still requires them as a uniform. In Europe, rugby players and their roughneck fan base don them on and off the field. They’re even turning up on the runway. Now the kilt even has a fab subcultural acronym: the M.U.G., i.e. the Modern Unbifurcated Garment.

Why the resurgence at this time in history? Aesthetics for starters. The look is undeniably hot and surprisingly complimentary to nearly every type and age of man.

Legs characterized by granite thighs and vascular calves can often be a man’s best feature after all. The kilt accentuates the power of the waist, the breadth of the shoulders, the contours of the hips.

You can dress it up or down depending on the event, be it a rowdy night on the town or a movie premiere. The traditional tartan wool look has spun off to more contemporary leather and denim styles.

It can be hiked up with no fuss or muss during a heated tangling. And all the better if a stiff breeze should happen along. Imagine urban centers full of kilted he-men on escalators, on motorcycles, on dance floors; surly, drunken bastards carousing and losing their laundry as they fight it out; young male starlets cavorting in Hollywood sans underwear like their bimbo counterparts; gym-built hulks having their M.U.G.s blown upward as they stand over subway grates in Marilyn Monroe fashion.

As with any daring fashion shift, traditionalists are likely to dread that all our established sexual roles and tidy standards of decorum will be threatened.

How could society ever hope to handle such hooliganism if men go pant-free? There was a time when raised hemlines for the ladies provoked all manner of fears that primness would fall by the wayside as they became shameless hoydens ready to unscissor their legs for every man in sight. My god, wide-spread de-kilting might run rampant.

Gerald Butler’s kilt

Of course those left-leaning Hollywood types are leading us astray with their own thigh-exposing antics. Across-the-pond celebs like Sean Connery, Ewan McGregor, David Beckham, Gerard Butler (right), Sting and Robbie Williams have sported the look and now it’s catching on stateside with babes like Vin Diesel, Kiefer Sutherland and James Marsters M.U.G.-ing it up with gusto and looking fine in the process.

Still, the kilt’s public profile being raised at this precise point in time has more driving it than just being fashionable. There are those sartorial items that become totemic to their owners — bearing a fetish quality beyond their literal designs — and speak to a deep-seated need.

A Retrosexual movement is brimming in response to the ubiquitous Metrosex trend. There is a relatively small but fervent collective of men on both sides of the fence who are beginning to tire of the relentless electrolysis, tanning, waxing, grooming and tweezing that’s been all the rage as of late. The kilt as the garment of our ancient forebears is emblematic of a turn back toward a barbarous and rough-hewn primitivism that patent leather loafers and the button fly just can’t seem to match.

It’s hard to believe that there ever was an epoch when men weren’t encased in high-end suits, fatherly cardigans, polo shirts and boring trousers. Falling somewhere between the high-cut loincloth, the three-quarter Polynesian sarong, and the full length Japanese hakama, the kilt was designed to give its wearers freedom of motion, allowing them to race fleet-footed across the moors, wade through treacherous rivers and climb jagged cliffs to evade enemies. Its looseness and durability were vital.

Kilt fighting

The Scandinavians, Celts, Gauls and Romans didn’t bother with two-legged duds for there warriors and soldiers, the kind of men who could snap a neck between their tensed thighs. With their legs stanced wide for battle or a fervent tryst, these barbarians would’ve scorned the notion of cladding themselves in the likes of sensible khaki pants that restricted them below the waist.

Women aren’t the only ones who were forced into an absurdly modest paragon of raiment through the ages. Has their even been a prissier, more epicene deportment for men than the Elizabethan Age with its frilly collars, dandy tights, ruffled vests and ghastly white wigs? The Victorian Period gave us knickers that buttoned at the knees for extra comfort. And argyle. Whither the Vikings of yore, the Huns of yesteryear?

gay kilts

Maybe no living man of that time could match the aerobicized bronzed perfection of Marc Singer in The Beastmaster — garbed in a primeval fringed and studded kilt by way of mid-80s Chippendale dancer tear-away — or his latter-day TV heir Daniel Goddard(right) in his rustic rawhide wrap, but who knows what manly wonders prehistory once held that have gone into the dust, unknown but still stirring somewhere in our racial memory? If the mini-skirt was regalia for women in the 60s and a badge of their burgeoning liberation, then the kilt is its masculine equivalent– the reclamation of the vestigial man.

If movies are any indication, the shift has been coming for over a decade. Braveheart and its ass-flashing fighters headed the charge and other epics — many of which feature the kilt or one of its variations — have hit screens since and drawn their male audiences back through time to an unspoiled era where nary a pair of generic Gap blue jeans exist. The Thirteenth Warrior, King Arthur, The Lord of The Rings, Troy, Kingdom of Heaven and Alexander were stepping stones to the loin-bearing, Eroto-Carnage of the mega hit 300. Apocalypto, Pathfinder and 10,000 B.C. have followed suit, with new adaptations of such pantless pulp sagas as Conan The Barbarian and Masters of The Universe in the works.

Kilt-honoring web sites have also taken root featuring men proudly modeling their M.U.G. attire or gazing in earnest at others wearing theirs, sometimes the two objectives overlapping. Is Man on the brink of casting off his modern shackles, ready to rend his dress pants, cleave the fax machine with his battle axe and raze the false idol that is the cell phone with a spear thrust as he summons up the ancestral spirit of his inner Visigoth?

The Kilt Revolution. It has all the benefits of those woodland adventure, get-in-touch-with-your-lost-macho-side, midlife crisis wilderness junkets…just minus the talking sticks, Trans Ams and uncontrollable weeping.

That’s win-win.
 
 
Our fantastically hot top kilt shot is courtesy UK Naked Men.

©2008 Nightcharm



  • Thorn

    I would really like to see this picture of James Marsters in a kilt. Anyone have a link to that? Please?

  • http://ohnochriso.blogspot.com chriso

    I love the fuck out of a traditional kilt but I’ll be six feet deep in the cold, cold ground before I ever approve of a Utilikilt!

  • LAO

    Let’s hope Shawn is really onto a trend. What a great prospect!

  • shoreman

    Perhaps it is this ethnic Scots’ version of group self-loathing, but I find the modern day version of the pleated plaid worn so it hits just above the knee about the most silly and hideous form of dress known to mankind. It doesn’t help a bit that it – like other notable fashion disasters like the miniskirt, spandex pants, and thongs – seems to be worn 9 out of 10 times by those who should never wear it.

  • miko

    Dude,
    As a fag;
    you have got to realize that people from the feild of costume history stroke their dick.
    Just take the reference to “ghastly white wigs” out and I’ll go with the whole thing.

    I plan on sending it to my designer:
    The Douglas (of Henry 4)couldn’t be hotter.

  • miko

    Alright,

    It’s also true that we drink as we stroke and can’t spell “field”.

    M.

  • miko

    Now as to the Utilikilt issue…

    Have you ever worn one?

    I haven’t but,

    The idea of working with a dick at the ready, is something that appeals to me.

    How can it not apppeal to you?

    I’ll hold your dick for you ’til you’re ready.
    Just give me the wherewithall.

    Thanks,

    M.

  • David Beale

    in the time from the battle of Culludden to the time of queen Victoria it was punishable by death to wear the kilt. Therefore Robby Burns would not have worn one.

    an ex would often wear one around the city as normal wear

  • Gry

    Here’s James Marsters and his band Ghost of The Robot rockin’ their kilts: (link)

  • http://ohnochriso.blogspot.com chriso

    Utilikilts are just plain fugly. The skirt equivalent of a pair of Carharts? No thanks!

  • http://stevetask.blogspot.com Steve

    I know a guy that wears a utilikilt where I work and he’s HOT HOT HOT. I think the rule is: don’t be hideous and wear one. It’s the same principal as supermodels wearing potato sacks. It works because their gorgeous.

  • Thorn

    Gry, you wonderful, sweet thing. You spoil me, you really do.

  • LucienX

    Heh. A couple of my friends own and wear Utilikilts. The idea of instant accessibility has crossed my mind more than once.

  • shoreman

    Just when I thought it could not get any worse, Marsters and his band in kilts with trainers (a.k.a running shoes). Just hideous.

  • Thorn

    Shoreman, if it makes you feel better, Marsters’ band broke up. He’s all by his lonesome now.

    Which is fine with me, because that frees him up to smother John Barrowman in passionate kisses on Torchwood.

  • man lover

    WOW! That first uncut cock is brilliant–and it’d be even better up my arse. Thanks for the great post!

  • Anonymous

    I want to fuck the 1st one in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • old dude

    Anonymous remarks: I want to fuck the 1st one in the ass.
    It might work the other way the 1st guy is a SPANISH porno hetro stud…I have seen a couple of his films.

  • trip

    I’m partial to the big guy in the black t-shirt with the massive thighs.

  • http://none Tom

    I agree, Trip, the second guy with massive thighs is really impressive. It looks to be all muscle, too. Guys from northern Europe seem to develop that look quite easily.

    Daniel Goddard, from Beastmaster, has got to be one of the most beautiful men on television. I could look at his magnificently sculpted face for hours. And the tight bod is very impressive!

    The guy in the top pic has got a fantastic cock. The kilt somehow makes it look even more impressive. The red in the kilt brings out the ruddiness of his erection, making it look even more lusty. The guy is also on the Men at Play site, where they manage to make his cock look even bigger. There’s another guy on the site — Steve Hooper, I think — who they show in a kilt. Same kind of shot, too, only in his it looks like his cock is lifting up the kilt. Both shots are real dick hardeners.

  • http://Kilts old dude

    this guy is a straight porno star from Spain

  • KiltLover

    Traditional kiltie men with the sporrans and laced ghillie brogues are as wonderfully masculine as it gets. And the beauty of the kilt is that, better than a pair of chaps, you can simply lift and fuck or be fucked. They stir my manhood every time, without fail.

  • Garrett

    David Beale writes, “in the time from the battle of Culludden to the time of queen Victoria it was punishable by death to wear the kilt. Therefore Robby Burns would not have worn one.” Almost right: the ban imposed by George II in 1746 was lifted in 1782, only 14 years before the death of Robbie Burns, but long before the birth of Queen Victoria in 1819. Her predecessor, George IV famously wore a kilt during his 1822 visit to Scotland. Painfully geeky to know that, but so it goes.

    I’ve seen a pretty wide range of body types clad in kilts, and have never seen any I’d rather have seen in pants.

  • Athildur

    While I almost never wear it (on account of it being slightly silly. I blame society and my tendency to care what it thinks of me), I do, in fact, own a kilt.

    The thing cost me a near fortune, but I think it was well worth it. There’s something about it that makes other men…hotter, somehow.
    I find the reasoning for it not to be because it looks like a skirt ridiculous, if only because it really doesn’t look like a skirt. The only resemblance is that it doesn’t really have any leg holes and ends just below the knee.

    A kilt is completely different from a skirt. It’s a manly kind of dress, and I am 100% sure that most would argue this to be true when they are faced with a man in kilt, and then a man in a skirt.

    I say: long live the kilt! May many yet wear one, on many occasions. (It’s actually a pretty awesome thing to wear in summer, even though it’s made of a few layers of thick wool.)

  • Kitten99

    My husband has a kilt, & men in kilts in general are HOT HOT HOT. Indeed, I think the main reason men like doing the RenFaire thing is they GET TO DRESS UP VERY, VERY PEACOCKY indeed! Which our ‘normal’ culture frowns on. So, gents, dress up, wear those kilts w/ghillies and sporran proudly!!
    BTW – the Elizabethans didn’t wear ‘ghastly white wigs’ – that came much later – after Louis XIV popularized them (in DARK colors, to accent the fact that the KING never lost his hair, it’s color, and therefore his virility) and the switch to powdered came later still. Late 17th century.

  • TrainerBill

    Was lucky enough to see “Blackwatch” (3 times, it was that good) at St. Ann’s Warehouse in Brooklyn. One of the highlights was when the lead character Cammy recounts the 300 year history of the regiment while simultaneously being dressed and undressed by the rest of the company in successive Blackwatch uniforms, virtually all featuring kilts. Besides being a triumph of choreography (he was lifted, inverted, carried, and spun around while being slipped in and out of costume) he looked so hot in every get-up. It never failed to elicit a burst of applause, the only one until the curtain call. Amazing piece of theatre.

    As far as I’m concerned, the more skin I see on a hot man, the better!
    Let’s hear it for kilts!

  • http://www.tomsbodypix.com Tom Clark

    I’ve got a lot of Scottish blood in me but my instinct is to wear a sarong, not a kilt. The head of my dick takes a lot less abuse in a sarong. Still, a man in a kilt is a total turn on. I’m down with anything though that breaks the rules or expresses authenticity. Thanks for the article Shawn. As always, great insight.

  • ray

    loved that style
    want to get fucked

  • C. Glenn

    Thank YOU Tom for expressing my thoughts exactly! BTW, I’d love a pic of you barefoot and barechested in said sarong! [I'll send my private e-mail if you would like...keeping it between the two of us.]
    And, once again Shawn, great post.
    ceg

  • jorge

    nice cock

  • valeria

    i want to suck on that dick

  • John

    We wore kilts at a Scottish wedding – all the same kind o* tartan since I’m not Scottish – I’m Welsh and ended up having a goodly suck job in the bathroom by some kinsmen. They got down on their hands and knees and a*ter some joking I pulled up my kilt and hadda grand time partaking the sucklings o* men I hadn’t known would participate. It was never spoken o* again, but I was not only surprised by their lust, but gladdened by the lot that got me to blow a goodly load be*ore departing. As we were all pretty drunk I don’t remember how the whole thing got started. Grabbing hold my manhood and gobbling it was a shock and all told a great experience as two o* the men were married. Guess we were all too bombed to have it matter. Haven’t worn a kilt since, but don’t think unkindly o* it. Should at least have worn a jockstrap – kept getting “woody’s” throughout the proceedings since my jockey’s kept showing and I took them o** since I thought I could handle being naked underneath. Guess I was wrong and should’ve stayed away *rom the Scotch. Bisexual on that night? Maybe. Now the guys meet and we look at our shoes. Guess everyone knows what I’m packing – though we did show each other’s cocks to one another – not that anyone remembers. Like young school boys. I guess the moral is be care*ul when you celebrate in kilts or you’ll regret it later to an extent. Other men buggered women there too so all sins weren’t cast upon only homosexual waters. Keep all unspoken. Always remember it as a right toady blowjob. Just won’t remember who all was there. Even i* I do. They held my kilt up and I couldn’t even see what they were doing – but it *elt nice enough to draw my balls down to empty. Men innately know how to suck on cock. We went to play pool then at the reception hall downstairs and leaning over to make the shots was another ribald happening. Scotch kept *lowing and the games kept playing. Things happened and I joined in the bathroom again on my knees this time. I went alone to the wedding so I had no one to care about when leaving. I’m sure, like me, there were guys who awoke the next morning wondering what the hell had gotten into them. Hijinks? Play*ul male bonding? Or expression o* long pent up repressed sexual desires? I don’t think i* we were in pants all this would’ve happened. That we were in kilts and most without underwear made a more opportune moment more available to all. The Scotch didn’t hurt either.

 
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