Nightcharm’s Blog of the Year Award: 2009

No, not a porn site for Christ’s sake.

Would the creators of such tawdry pit-stops as Lurid Digs and Trainwrecks honor something as unnoteworthy as porn?

No, this year we cast our eye far beyond the cock (and ass) and decided to esteem a site that helps each of us remember why we celebrate being homosexual. Sites that remind us that being an Outsider is a good thing, especially if ostracism equates with having escaped the soul-killing clutches of “The American Family.”

Which leads me to this year’s award winner: The fabulous aggregate site Awkward Family Photos.

Aside from the whimsical (and hot) candid gems, like the opening wedding album shot pictured above, Awkward Family Photos reminds us of how truly horrid childhood can be. How uncaring and narcissistic parents often are. Remember Shawn Baker‘s surreal deconstruction of this shot, last month?

Peruse Awkward Family Photos and you’ll find plenty evidence from the Freudian school as to how homosexuals are created. (Should you be a proponent of the nurture explanation, within the great nurture or nature debate). Yes, shots like this blond glamor mom with her athletic — yet oddly enervated — brood. You just know it’s all going to turn out badly when the boys begin to overtly dislike women and take to either drugs (or ‘the cock’). Over too much gin recently, I got into a long fight with my boyfriend about which one of the three boys were actually destined for queerdom (The night ended in tears!)

Yes, page after chilling page within Awkward Family Photos offers evidence of childhood’s debilitating traumas. Most disturbing is realizing how much trauma is committed in the name of fun — or feigned camaraderie — for the sake of a motherfucking photograph.

Is there anything worse than studying a photo like this one, where it’s screamingly evident that the child is not only a pariah, but was never wanted in the first place. Or the veiled-in-humor hatred of a shot like this one where one can somehow psychically sense the wife’s appropriateness in wanting to club her douchebaggily smug husband (and it’s a Christmas card — oy!)

And then there are all of the sham marriages on display within the world of Awkward Family Photos — oh gosh, too many for us to list. So we’ll let you explore the beards on your own.

Of course People of Walmart was Hot Hot HOT in the running for top honors this year. In fact, John Calendo and I don’t really feel like we’ve had a complete day unless one of us has emailed the other our latest Walmart tragedy/discovery. These are photos that usually involve a balding guy from Virginia dressed in a denim shirt but also wearing a black leather mini skirt and knee-high, spiked-heel go-go boots.

All of these Walmarvelous moments take place on what our newest contributor Rob Wolfsham has dubbed Walmart’s “linoleum catwalk” in his bitchy smack-down of the site.

Given Rob’s displeasure with People of Walmart, we had to go with honoring the folks over at Awkward Family Photos with first place. In fact our awards committee are en route to their offices now to deliver their prize: a lifelong membership into the Inner Circle, where truly everyone remains queer (and naked) waaaaay beyond their allotted fifteen minutes, which of course, in the end, is really our kind of family.