A Plastic World: Beneath The Valley of The Barbie Boys

Yes, an actual series has a group of highly-functioning, super enthusiastic, oh-so-well-rounded young men — including a poet, two musicians, a jock, a gymnast, a martial artist, two former cheerleaders, and a Jersey Rapper — vying for the title of best human approximation of a Mattel icon.

“Genuine Ken” is an oxymoron for the ages. I read once that if Barbie with her physical proportions actually existed in reality, she’d be unable to stand upright and would have to move about on all fours. As for ladies’ man Ken, he was always more of a lifestyle accoutrement than an actual love interest, just Barbie’s illegitimate daughter Skipper had to live the lie of being passed off as her sister and black friend Francie was only a token curio. Phony white bitch.

Not sure what’s scarier — the idea that there are really damaged, infantile women who hold a Ken doll up as their ideal mate (that’s what Real Dolls are for, gals) or the realization that it’s this easy to assemble so many men who give off unsettling Andrew Cunanan vibes in one place.

Having said that, I’d still do Blockhead, Hairdo, and Eyebrows just for the hell of it.