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Refreshingly Respectful Responses To Arpad Miklos’ Suicide

by An Unpaid Intern

arpadlargeThere’s been a rather sad flood of gay porn stars and/or HIV/AIDS activists dying young this year, with several committing suicide, some coming to the end of a struggle with an addiction to meth, others succumbing to HIV/AIDS related illnesses (yes, it still happens). Naturally, their deaths have triggered a wave of tributes and responses from the peanut gallery (including my tribute to Spencer Cox, who passed in December).

Sadly, most of these obituaries have been disrespectful in the way that they’ve really just been thinly-disguised axe-grinding screeds that broadcast the writer’s pre-recorded arguments about their favorite socio-cultural issue. Take for example the hopelessly misguided Mark S. King’s disgraceful piece about Spencer at the Huffington Post, which paid due tribute to Spencer’s life and work, but dismissed the fact that Spencer died from AIDS-related pneumonia and replaced that fact with King’s own played-on-loop message about how Spencer was actually a casualty of the meth epidemic. Feel free to laugh out loud at this typically-florid excerpt from King’s exploitation of Spencer’s no doubt painful death from the suffocations of PCP:

The drug is known to whisper empty promises about limitless power and sexual escape while calming the addict’s ghosts and sorrows for miserably brief periods of time.

When Spencer Cox died on Dec. 18, 2012, in New York City, the official cause of death was AIDS-related complications, which is understandable if post-traumatic stress, despair and drug addiction are complications related to AIDS.

Similar articles from other authors grew from the deaths of Erik Rhodes, Roman Ragazzi and Josh Weston, to name a few. Now of course, it goes without saying that the trinity of complications that often trigger early deaths among some gay men – depression, addiction, complications related to HIV – is a topic that requires urgent and brave address. But making ham fisted attempts to get that ball rolling while bodies are still warm is appallingly exploitative.

Luckily, the response to the suicide this past weekend of that adorably gentle giant Arpad Miklos (real name Peter Kozma) has been far more respectful, matching the kindly charisma of the man himself. Arpad/Peter leaves a part of himself as one of gay porn’s most in-demand and beloved performers, adored by fans who enjoyed his more than 50 films. He appeared in Nightcharm’s Inner Circle innumerable times.

Christopher Daniels’ tribute is particularly touching.

When I finally came face to face with Arpad he took me in his arms and gave me a big hug. I melted inside and turned red. His whole brutish, Eastern European shtick was a load of shit. He was such a softie and his Angry Hungarian demeanor was just a front but it made me like him even more. Arpad was big and scary with a monster cock on the outside and a big heart on the inside.

… more.

The ever-reliable Zach at The Sword had some choice words too,

Good people make bad choices. Bad things happen to good people. Sometimes bad people do bad things. Drugs, crime, fame, mental illness, and bad luck could all be to blame. The gay porn industry is rough. Life is rougher. Two of my extended family members committed suicide in 2003 and 2009. Both of them were unemployed. Who’s to blame? Would Arpad Miklos still be alive today if he worked in a cupcake shop?

Well said, Zach [source].

Even the commentary at HuffPo is kind, with nary a flame to be seen.

And rest in peace Arpad, your death was your own, but those who knew you personally and those who knew you through your gay porn work, are greatful that you gave so many parts of your life to others.

This beautiful gallery of Arpad is by photographer Leif Larson:

  • nettsu

    thank you!

  • http://www.howtosucceedinwhoring.tumblr.com/ howtosucceedinwhoring

    it’s astonishing how disrespectfully journalists have covered the recent deaths of Porn Stars. the comments made by readers are even worse. Queerty’s obituary ended with ‘rest in piece’

    thank you for writing something positive

  • http://nightcharm.com/ Mark Adnum

    you are most welcome.

  • http://nightcharm.com/ Mark Adnum

    you too are most welcome.

  • Westley Knight

    as gay men, reminding each other that communication is acceptable is all the more important considering the heavy load bearing all attached social stigma often accompanying the stultifying weight of depression and confusion. suicide is a side effect of mental and emotional disorders, admitting that and facing our problems is OK. no one should hate themselves enough to end their own or others life. this is a tragedy.

  • Darkhog

    No matter, how, what, or when a person died; they’re still a precious life, and were dear to someone. We forget we’re all humans, and whatever direction we choose in this life, it’s the direction chosen by us, for us. We should celebrate life, and when lose comes we should look at the life celebrated. Everybody goes through something, and in this fast pace world, we forget to make time to really see what life is all about. US! I am really sadden about the lives lost this past year, but I’m more sadden that our judgments of these performers who played a part for our entertainment were judged for everything but being human. Those people were us, and will always be us. Weather on film or just a blogger, we are the same.

  • DarrinQ

    You think that mess from Zach was well-said? First of all, his “axe to grind” was defending the porn industry (where he gets his money), second he does not know the particulars of the situation of why Arpad committed suicide. It could well be that there was a connection between the vicious comments he allows on his blog toward performers and the viciousness of himself “going after” stars (including Arpad) that displease him. I cannot believe all of you weak-willed idiots still kiss his ass.

  • manu

    I wonder if the respectful (relatively really , because there were some nasty comments on the sword – and you think this thing is moderated…wow) response has anything to do with the fact that he was a top?

    The bottom position is still considered degrading by most gay men and they never miss an occasion to mock a guy who bottoms .Even bottoms themselves do it , saying how loose and fucked up a guy looks, etc…

    RIP Arpad probably the only guy I enjoyed seeing topping. He seemed to have a great loving personality and I do wish I had met him :(

  • http://nightcharm.com/ Mark Adnum

    no one “should” but sadly, sometimes they “do”.

  • jay

    love always your fan

  • jackscht

    Who has the right to morally judge anybody that is not hurting anyone. Nobody does.

  • Chris dela PalmSpirns

    Never Knew Him, only lusted and loved via still photography. He was all hot and hunk manhood at it’s very best.