Pimps, Pervs & Sex Pigs: Dancing With A Man-Skank

Class: you don’t need money, titles, or status symbols to have it, but — but — it’s either in you or it’s not. Some men move through life with a poised, quiet, dignified stoicism that’s magnetic in its gravity. Other guys, well… their big contribution amounts to throwing it around town like paperboys.
There’s countless epithets you can hurl at a woman’s easy virtue, and society tends to bifurcate the female identity into a virgin/whore mirror image, yet I found myself struggling to come up with derogatory terms to classify a less-than-courtly man in my title.

Slapback: Oral Fixation — A Frustration

Yes, all advertising execs ceased their mental developments at age thirteen.

Milkin’ It: Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

I’m fairly certain that many a gay man’s body enhancement obsession can be directly linked to this ad and its variants which aired during many of our formative years. Gym equipment, gay workout shorts, the idealized self reflected in the magic mirror — all of it achievable if you just chug gallons of milk. Didn’t we all drink it, but how many of us grew up into fucking Disney princes?

Butch Up: Every Homo Heckler Has His Day

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Whack ‘Bags: Douchin’ Out With The Party Boys

Imagine Neneh Cherry’s “Buffalo Stance” — a smackdown against the urban exploitation of women — crossbred with Riot Grrl duo Shampoo’s back-off-muthafucka kiss-off “Don’t Call Me Babe” and Garfunkel & Oates’s “This Party Took A Turn For The Douche” would be the end result.

Once Bitten: Taste The Pud of Dracula!

Today in Urban Dictionary terms we love:
Dick Dracula: a girl [or guy] who loves suckin’ on the cock. Does it for her [his] own enjoyment as much as the guy’s. Dick Draculas can become so notorious that they earn the name “Count Cock.”
Conversational usage:
“Fuck, man! I know I was blitzed last night, but that dude clamped down onto my cock and went off!

Blood & Guts in High School, Part II

hattip to Don Shewey

See also: Blood & Guts in High School: The Will & Grace Years.

Benevolent Overlord: Christian Dominionism’s Got It Covered

This is so over-the-top that it feels like it should be a parody.

Yes, it would be wicked awesome if we had a well-meaning, uncheckable king to daddy our every move, make us have babies, and keep us from sluttin’ it up with other men. Monarchs who rule by divine right have always looked out for their subjects’ best interests, and nothing could possibly go wrong if we tried it now.