
Look, times are tough.
Deep down, we’re all wanting to foment an urban riot, join a vicious gang, start a fire, and serve up a serious beat-down.
The trick is to plan ahead for if and when the law catches up to you.
Frankly, the only reason I haven’t been murdered yet is because I expect to be murdered by everyone around me, so just as I take steps to avoid being snuffed, I also plan ahead for my eventual arrest — in the sense that I want to take a really great mugshot.
Not since the ’40s Golden Age of Hollywood when producers foolishly — and futilely — tried to crack down on the bad behavior of their stars has the fallen celebrity perp walk and mugshot been as highly scrutinized as it is now. Lately, it seems like everybody — from the entitled A-List, to the wannabe D-List — are flaring out pretty damn spectacularly. Sloshed Hollywood actresses are staging jailbreaks that wouldn’t be out of place in a Charlie’s Angels episode, and with even mainstream models willing to engage in bow-chick-a-bow-wow porn exposition to get out of a clinch, gay porn stars who get busted have got to bring their photogenic A-Games to keep up.
So, if you are a pro who finds himself altered, unruly, and jizz-spattered at the wrong place and time — or like me, you want to be well-versed in mugshot composition just in case — here’s what to keep in mind in order to be ready for your big close-up — all of it guaranteed to give you the Jane Fonda effect over the unfortunate Nick Nolte: (read the full article)







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