Call Him Mr. Vain: The Douchebags of Grindr

There are two red-flag, deal-breaking traits that can instantly make a man repellent, and both start with a V.
Violence and Vanity.
Look, we all go for a certain manly vigor, but if a guy flips out over everything and starts bashing his head against or wall or has a stockpile of weapons, that’s a whole other bag.
Conversely, you don’t want a guy who’s such a supercilious, preening peacock that he instantly seeks out any reflective surface and acts like he’s gracing you with his presence.

I’m Not Afraid To Eat An Ice Cream Cone Anymore: The Life of Riley

All right, bitches, I won’t sugarcoat it:
Rome is burning.
Lately, I’m looking at everything — everything — around me and finding it all fucked-up. Mass hysteria has set in. I wouldn’t trust this clown car cast of Republican Presidential hopefuls to give me a passable handjob, much more pull this nation out of decline. All I could do this past Saturday as I beheld international recording sensation Lana Del Rey performing a song on SNL about a chick apparently getting cock-blocked by frickin’ video games while looking like a doped-up cocker spaniel and sounding like an IBM computer that got roofied was think how much dick she had to take to get that record deal.

High Tension: Flip That Switch, Boy

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Lonesome Cowboy: Rick Perry, Midnight Plowboy

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Pimps, Pervs & Sex Pigs: Dancing With A Man-Skank

Class: you don’t need money, titles, or status symbols to have it, but — but — it’s either in you or it’s not. Some men move through life with a poised, quiet, dignified stoicism that’s magnetic in its gravity. Other guys, well… their big contribution amounts to throwing it around town like paperboys.
There’s countless epithets you can hurl at a woman’s easy virtue, and society tends to bifurcate the female identity into a virgin/whore mirror image, yet I found myself struggling to come up with derogatory terms to classify a less-than-courtly man in my title.

The Pleasure Seekers: Get Your Anal Cranial To-Day!

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More uproarious homoeroticism from the definitely Not Gay Daniel Tosh.

The Ballad of Reading Guido: Oscar Wilde, Douche Muse

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Who’s That Gigolo On The Street?: It’s Showtime For The Man ‘Hos

It was a joke my father told me he once heard a hooker shout out from her corner:
“The fucking’s free — it’s the room that’ll set ya back fifty dollars!”
Let’s just say that line proved all to apt while watching Showtime’s Gigolos — an experience that at once managed to be trashily explicit and lamely skittish about the prospect of men on-the-take letting cameras in on the action.