Monster Dongs: Bad Dragon! Bad Dragon!

I think we can all agree that movies and television have taught us that the world is chock full of beautiful, nubile girls ready to spread for vampires, werewolves, and other creatures who could very easily kill them.
It’s easy to overlook that we (the Gays) want to nail monsters too, and now we’re that much more able to approximate that dream thanks to the enterprising folks at Bad Dragon — purveyors of frankly awesome horror-, sci-fi-, and fantasy-themed sex toys perfect for those who like some monster wad in their Monster Squad.

Infernal Device: A Steampunk Sex Machine

Genres and subcultures collide in the works of Ukrainian artist Bob Basset — the master mask maker whose work combines Bondage, Fetish, Steampunk Lit, and Industrial Sex into one eerily enigmatic artifice.
If you crossbred Pitof’s Vidocq with William Gibson’s Neuromancer and just a dash of Robocop, then Basset’s amazing array of leather-on-brass wonders would be the cybernetic progeny that results.

Wang’s World: Dick Length Across The Globe

Note the gay color-coding:
Evergreen: 6.3 – 7.1 in.
Lime: 5.9 – 6.3 in.
Tangerine: 5.3 – 5.9 in.
Salmon: 4.6 – 5.3 in.
Ruby: 3.8 – 4.6 in.
See also: The inverse correlation between IQ and penis size.

The Holy Mountain: A Gay Porn Vision Quest

This is some mind-bendingly crazy vintage spank material.

Everything here –the Joe Gage- by way of Old Reliable-style model, the work boots, the southwest blanket, the fakey pine tree creeping in — is pretty damn pitch-perfect, but it’s the trippy backdrop that really sends this into the stratosphere. We’re talking a peyote-fueled vision quest here.
A standard-issue beach or roaring fire just can’t quite compare to a rainbow-hued valley vista from The Smurfs.

Love & Barbells: Henry & Glenn, Sittin’ In A Tree

I’m a devoted comic enthusiast, yet I don’t really go for traditional mainstays like superheroes, secret identities, and metahuman powers. I like ‘em weird: monsters, ghosts, antipathy, loners, zombies, black humor, crime, and teenage girls who kill things. Add a gay twist to any or all of the above and I’m there.
You want wacky? How about a chronicling of methalhead muscle monsters Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig living together as partners and experiencing the tribulations of a long-term relationship?

Ride On Time!: A Gay Porn GIF Obsession Continues Unabated

Can’t.
Stop.
Watching.
Only laying eyes upon the ruins of Atlantis or maybe a unicorn could successfully make me divert my gaze.
These things are dangerous. You’ll end up like that little girl in The Anything Box if you don’t set limits. Fascination leads to obsession, and obsession leads to insanity. Pretty soon, family, work, and church fall by the wayside as you spend all day crankin’ it to the sight of haunches being tenderized and downward-sloping dicks slapping up and down, up and down, up and down.

Wild Queendom: Honey Badger Don’t Give A Shit!

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Heart of Dorkness: A Valentine’s Gift For The Lovelorn Nerd

This pretty much sums up everything wonderful and weird about the Net.

The Handmade Naughty Nerd Valentine Pillow:

“This is a fun and flirty gift for you or your valentine. Geometric quilted pattern in reds, pinks, creams, & black using new and vintage fabrics with antique mother of pearl buttons. The cover is removable and machine washable. Includes pillow & cover.”
I normally hate this holiday to my core, but I have to give and admit I find this pretty damn cute.