Here then are our 12 Men of Christmas.

Get out of your scorecards, kids. Just as we did last year when we graded awful guys, we’re making a list and checking it twice. In our annual countdown of unlikely mugs we’d fuck anyway, we thought we’d present those Men Who Are Too Beautiful.

You know who they are: Heart-stoppers. Humdingers. All-around impossible beauties. (like soap actor, Victor Weber at top.) (more…)

I’ve decided to forgo Christmas this year. With my home remodel stalled in a Kafka-like legal snag, many good friends out of town, several family members in jail and a boyfriend who’s a former, no-holiday-celebrating Jehovah’s Witness, it felt futile to try and fire up my festive fires.

The upside of Scrooging? I’d save money on gifting.

Hardly. Several days in the city to run errands last week and I was shopping like a meth-fueled Ivana Trump.

But shopping for myself.

Here then is my list of highly recommended items to give yourself for Christmas this year. Because to love yourself is — indeed — the greatest love of all.
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“Haven’t found her yet,” Paul Lynde would say when asked by reporters when he might marry.

The gay and beloved and self-hating “Center Square” on Hollywood Squares, Lynde (left) was always famously searching for “the right girl.” By the time TV fame hit, in the 60’s, both he and the entertainment reporters were in on the joke and no one was surprised when he would erupt in his trademark hacking laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Like many gay men who elect to be professionally “straight” — who are homophobic in its strictest sense, that is, they fear the homosexual (in themselves, in this case) — Lynde was aware of his own absurdity. It was perhaps that awareness, accelerated by alcoholism and career envy, that made him so colossally bitter in private.

We have just witnessed the fall of a gay Congressman, who has of late tried to explain himself but in ways that spin homosexuality further out into the Twilight Zone of rehabs and childhood sex traumas. He hasn’t quite come to terms with how ridiculous he has made himself, not only with underaged staffers, but by his self-defeating, anti-gay voting record.

Time perhaps may be kinder than we can be at this moment. Time may, in her gentle forgetful way, soften the edges as she has with other famous homophobic homosexuals that walked that same mile in the same shoes — shoes that ultimately squeaked and bit into their lying toes. (more…)

“I have been perfectly happy the way I am,” wrote renowned gay author Christopher Isherwood. “If my mother was responsible for it, I am grateful.”

“My mother,” countered Gore Vidal , “was a traumatic experience.”

Love them or hate them, mothers are often the only major woman in a gay man’s life — the one female relationship that has any depth to it.

Though Freudians in the past indited mothers as the “cause” of male homosexuality, the modern data suggests sexual preference is a biological orientation. The role mothers play seems mainly biochemical:

According to a landmark study of mothers with adult gay children, conducted in 1988 at Minot State University, pregnant women who suffer great stress during their second trimester are more likely to deliver gay sons. (more…)

Redneck Poster Boy and Lord Prince of the Bigots, John Rocker may be batting (left) but it isn’t for our team. The ex-baseball star is proudly notorious for his anti-gay, anti-black, I-Hate-New-York pronouncements. But can we just get real for one minute? — God, this guy is hot!

All of these guys are. Homophobic, sociopathic, you name it. But babes. Studmuffins.

Now, not all of these jokers are equally despicable. No, some pigs are more equal than others. Some are just … misguided … human beings. Luckily, in the spirit of No Fucktard Left Behind, we will be grading on a curve.

We don’t know if these guys are gay, straight or willing to fuck a barn door. Frankly, we don’t care. This is what we want, not what they want! Below then, the Top Ten Jerk-offs We’d Most Like to Jerk Around. (more…)