Forced Entry Squad: Nightcharm’s Favorite DADT Fuckwits

The Black Gestapos! Ass Bandits of Auschwitz! The Kenyan Connection! Aztec Headhunter Revenge! Muslim Terror Babies Take New York!
When you’re a Fundy, the world is just a non-stop ethno-sploitation movie marathon.
You’d think it would be positively exhausting losing your marbles about the prospect of every feared minority getting money or obtaining opportunity, but no, the Right Wing Freak-O-Matic runs on a carbon-based combination of embittered Confederate resentment and down-home fire-and-brimstone white panic.

The Nightcharm Slutties: The Hardest-Ridden Sluts In The Jizz Biz

Here at Nightcharm, we can sometimes get a little cheeky with content, so whenever we color outside of the PC lines, we expect to get our asses spanked and usually do…because we’re nasty boys.
So fair warning: this is likely the least PC thing you’ll ever read on this blog, and it only gets raunchier from here.
I’m here to talk about sluts.

Idle Hands, Errant Loads: The Dirty Gay Sinfulness of Self-Stroking

Imagine as a gay man that you had to forever be trapped in your worst phase of emotional development. Frozen in your most naked uncertainty, shame, self-doubt, isolation, and vulnerability. This is your beginning and your terminus. Do not pass go. It doesn’t get better.

Now you know what it’s like to be a hardline Moral Conservative.
This is the zone of arrested sexual maturity that all the Family Researchers, Concerned Mommies, and Don’t-Teach-The-Wittle-White-Kids-Anal NOMers not only are condemned to abide in but choose to abide in.

Hate The Sinner: The Pious Passion of Chick (With Dicks) Tracts

“Tomorrow, a healer’s going to tell us about the Mother Goddess being spotted everywhere, and he’s gonna teach us how to find and turn in heretics!”

Picture this: An oppressive One World government outlaws Christianity, condemning any and all who preach the Word of God to be corralled in internment camps for reconditioning or executed if they fail to comply. Now that the Liberal Agenda has culminated in imminent apocalypse, teachers are at last free to begin indoctrinating children about how marriage is for chumps while instructing them in the intricacies of ritual animal sacrifice.

How to Talk To Your Child About the Next Gay G.O.P. Sex Scandal

Because Republican sex farces just keep coming (and coming) — we knew it was time to rummage through the archives and repost Senior Editor John Calendo’s informative guide originally published in 2007 as a Nightcharm public service offering.
After reading these suggestions, Nightcharm encourages you to contact your Congressman directly and voice your concerns. (For a more speedy response you might try writing him directly via Craigslist or Grindr.)
In the wake of the next gay Republican sex scandal, your child will have many questions.

Oxymorons: Christian Yoga — Firmer Thighs, None of The Satan!

Christianity really is just Scientology for faded Conservative actresses, D-List action stars, actors-turned-politicians, beauty queens, and teenage gospel singers who aren’t ready for slutty make-overs.

Homosinuality: We Shall Overcome…And Come Again…And Again…

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Bachmann Flamer Overdrive: Crazy Eyes Has Hubby Trouble

We kid Michele Bachmann because we love.
Seriously, the distinguished Congresswoman from Minnesota is a precious gift that keeps on giving.
Her graces are countless: the Joan Crawford eyebrows, the Glamour Shots hair, the Fargo accent, the perpetual glassy stare, her magical ability to pull numbers out of the air and convince herself they’re material by repeating them endlessly, her railing against socialism while pocketing a quarter million in federal farm subsidies, her assertion that women are getting abortions with the casual ease that they pick up frappuccinos, her Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur’s Court understanding of American history.