Dear World,

Firstly, all of this is real and raw; my life in blazing technicolor. Think "the Real World", but with intrigue, and confessions as told by someone more colorful and interesting than those bland, fame-fuckers. (The only good season of that show was the first, set in New York City. My favorite episode was when Julie and Kevin got into it outside their building and Julie--a ballsy, sexy, tell-it-like-it-is kinda gal--read Kevin the riot act.) Or like Sean Patrick Live's "Neurosis"--fine, in and of itself--but more direct and meatier.

Secondly, thanks to my boss without whom I wouldn't have this job or opportunity; literally on my knees I was begging for it. Ha. He wishes.

And for those who need a mental image of me to appreciate this column: You know that guy on the new Men's Health--well, um, I don't look much like him.

World, welcome to my mind.