You know what? I Thought Pride Was A Sin...

Religious puns aside, what has "Pride Day" become but an excuse to go out, get drunk, and even pay to get in some fenced-in area where you spend money on the likes of Jimmy Sommerville, Martha Wash, Corporate Sponsors, and whatever locally renowned drag queen the gays have held up as the supreme Grande Dame that year? Vomit! Vomit! Vomit! This whole Rainbow Brite attitude that we are all family makes me laugh. I can't tell you how many times guys have come up to me and told me that they don't like blacks, leather folk, or transgender people to take part in their little pride celebrations or even mix in the same crowd. Proud of what? "Proud to be gay" I hear people say. But between those lines I hear "only if you fit into this slice of life that I deem palatable." To me that sounds pretty fascist..

Does anyone look around and think that maybe we've become some sick, monstrous self-parody? Circuit parties, Genre magazine, and club kids perpetuate the ideology of Studio 54. Wake up, that dive closed! People in the discos rehash the same slang fags have heard for the last 50 years with "girlfriend" this and "sister" that. The next person to refer to me as "she" is going to wake up with a black eye. The word is stagnation and you are soaking in it. Or maybe you've been to ihategirls.com and like it there?

I asked some brainwashed fags in a chat room the other day, "Why Pride?" And I got comments that ranged from, "I'm looking for dick!" to "My head hurts, I'm leaving." One guy said, "It's about visibility, honey!" After I stopped cursing at him orally, I responded electronically that "I have nothing in common with drag queens, sissies, and rainbow warriors except that I like dick. Don't any of you have hobbies?" This seemed to baffle the species Homo Stupidus and I was sent message upon message that I hated myself and I needed to be more happy. Gay Stepford People -- oh great! The only thing my question resolved was that thinking about issues causes people to become annoyed when cruising for cock. You would think that wearing rainbow rings around one's neck cuts off the blood flow to the brain and stops mental evolution.

Most people don't get that "Pride" is a joke. A day doesn't go by now where I don't hear some general admission of or openness about sexuality -- in the news, media, work, or at some punk show. Gay Pride had its time and place and has now degenerated into some excuse to party like it's going out of style! The sick part is, at these events I don't see anyone passing around petitions or grandstanding for the rights that they want so badly. I haven't been to an event since 1992 because of drunken dipshits and the lack of intelligence of those around me.

Everyday, I am thankful for my straight friends and those that are queer, not gay.

I've been having a good summer so far. I recently had about 15 good friends, all the skinhead and punk variety, over at my place for Streetpunk 2000. As you may or may not remember, Streetpunk is skinhead event spread over two days, featuring bands that fall primarily into skinhead punk or "oi!" music, for those in the know. Now, I'm not too keen on this particular kind of music, I'm more of a ska and melodic punk kind of guy, but it was where all my friends I hadn't seen in a while were going to hang out that weekend. The scene is really tied to its music, whether ska, punk or oi! music. There are some oi! bands that I like, but they tend to be of the old-school types. What's funny about this style of music is that it's really just punk music aimed at skinheads. In the late 70's or early 80's, some fancy pants music critic coined the term "oi! music" after a chorus in some punk rock tune (I think) by the Angelic Upstarts.

Can somebody feel love for an inanimate object? It's crazy really to think something with all the right curves and angles can make so many heads spin like stand-ins for Linda Blair of Exorcist fame. Every sensual line. Every dip, nook, and compartment. The flourishes on it alone make enthusiasts drool. Even people who have no idea what it is stare or beep their horns or smile and wave. It's pure Italian genius.

It's the Vespa.

Late last fall I purchased a Vespa, thanks to people purchasing my artwork. A 1964 50 S model complete with a rare taillight from a scooter shop in Pasadena, California. It's a small frame with a few dings and scratches, but my baby has a solid frame and runs great! It's a light, almost dull, robin's egg blue with all its original badges on it. It's a rare model, made in Germany. How it ended up in the States is beyond me really, but all I know is that it's mine and I love it.

When I was really little, I saw a picture of one in a book and was totally mesmerized. I knew I had to have one. Sometimes my wild ideas of owning one would fade, and then I'd see an old movie with somebody riding one. My flame in my torch would be lit again. They've been around for over 50 years now, and they still maintain a timeless look. When I was over in London, I got to see an amazing 50-year anniversary of Vespa tribute, complete with amazing rides, paraphernalia, and a looped movie reel of movies starring Vespas. It was then, on the verge of tears, that I knew it was much more than a bug. It was an obsession.

I'm in the process now of repainting and adding custom bits to my scoot. Just this week, I added brand new mirrors and minor rubber parts to my small frame. I'm shopping around for a professional custom paint job, one that will match the existing blue color. I'll replace the floor strips, the kind of torn-up seat, and have the various badges that say "Vespa" chrome-plated. It will look like it originally did, if not better.

Piaggio, the company that makes the Vespa, has recently been bought and is planning to release a new wave of scooter mania on the States, if not the world. They are prospecting various boutiques in different parts of the country to sell Vespas, Vespa-related items, and scooterist clothing. I predict, with Americans looking toward industrial design as an important part of their daily lives, Vespas will once again be "en vogue" and become one of the top desirables, much like VW beetles, P.T. Cruisers, and various household items from Target stores.

I have a good feeling about this summer. I'll be tootling around Kansas City's streets, visiting friends, relaxing, soaking in the hot Midwestern sun, enjoying a root beer at a local cafe, and most importantly -- looking cool doing it. The 40-somethings with the cash can have their overpriced Harley Davidsons, but the first one to ask me where I got my "moped" will get a boot in his ass. It's not a moped -- it's a Vespa.