Some of the things I will miss when I move are:

1 - The restaurants Kansas City has some of the best eateries I've ever had the privilege of dining in. You think BBQ and Kansas City go hand in hand -- and they do -- but Pacific Rim cuisine? Yes. There are three good seafood restaurants here that fly their fish in from the oceans! There are great Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Greek, Cowboy, Vietnamese, Family-style, and French places. I really love to eat and it's starting to show.

2 - Big Kansas skies In Spring, there is nothing cooler than seeing a huge field that rolls off into the horizon with a big, blue, Kansas sky. Well, except for maybe the same sky at night during an electric storm. It goes on forever and it makes you feel so fucking small. The clouds look different out there in the country too -- totally flat on the bottom and large like an anvil.

3 - Lawrence, Kansas I get all my music here, whether that is live or CD. There are some good venues to see bands play, and there is a kick-ass music store called Love Garden. The people in that store are really nice and helpful, but then again, I never bother them with questions about a song "that goes like this" and attempt to sing it for them, and I usually know what I want. They bust out all the genres of music, comics and zines and other stuff for reading too.

The boys in Larryville are much nicer on the eyes than in Kansas City, but that's probably because it's a college town. On the downside it's starting to get swallowed by Overland Park people (read: rich assholes) who think it's "quaint." These people need to stay in their safe Lenexa cookie-cutter townhouses.

4 - Corn-fed bluecollar guys. Driving home in the summer, you get to see a lot of guys working on the roads in Kansas and Missouri who are right out of my wet dreams. Wide shoulders, slightly poochie bellies or totally toned from working, naturally browned, shirts off, sweating buckets, short or no hair on their heads, and sometimes covered in tattoos. Getting caught in a single line of slow-moving traffic is made sweet by the dog and pony show slaving away to make the roads safer. Even better is when you catch one of them looking and you flash them an evil little smile just to let them know you know what they are thinking about.

5 - The river bottoms Back in its "heyday", Kansas City, Missouri had an amazing downtown area. Today, it's dead and almost creepy after the clock hits 6PM. Just past downtown and over Highway 70 is a section of old brick buildings attracting an interesting community of people. There is a farmers' market, some restaurants, artist lofts, and even closer to the river are vacant buildings where some artists have moved in to create galleries. In this more secluded area, you can take some cool photos and not feel like you are going to get caught with your pants down. There is some new growth and gentrification right before you get downtown, with a proposed "art district" and some funky bakeries and lofts, but I'm really not willing to stick around to see it bloom.

6 - My friends I've got a handful of good friends that I like to visit over on the Missouri. We smoke weed, watch bad TV, watch good movies, go mini-golfing, eat, talk, and enjoy each other's company. We are kind of a vicious little clique with a cryptic secret code for almost everything, from nicknames to references to past events or a person's behavior.

I'll refrain from singing the Facts of Life theme that is now stuck in my head. With the good, you also take the bad:

1 - Driving My hugest pet peeve about the KC Metro area is that people don't know how to drive! Blinkers were put on cars for a reason. KC also has the worst public transit system I've ever seen, forcing everyone to have to drive. They've repeatedly turned down initiatives to put in a light rail system. When there is an accident, people slow down to rubberneck like they were all raised in a small, backwater town of hillbillies. If that wasn't bad enough on the highway, people also don't understand the concept of merging and letting people join traffic. I truly hate Kansas City when I'm behind the wheel. I want a city where there is public transport that actually goes places.

2 - Twinkies Not the golden brown kind that have fake creamy filling. Wait. Yes, I do mean that -- except of the human variety. Does every little faggot have to look like Ricky Martin with a serious dose of fake-n-bake tan? I can't look at a guy wearing Ambercrombie & Bitch without thinking like George Bush, "Now that's a Major League Butt-Pirate! Big Time!" I hate twinks and I wish they'd consume themselves in their own flames.

3 - Frat Boys Nothing ruins a good band performance more than a bunch of drunk frat boys. I won't go to a Rev. Horton Heat show anymore because of them, not that they've put out a good album since Martini Time. I won't go anywhere where I have to look at and listen to cap or tennis hat-wearing dickweeds.

4 - Does that hurt? You'd think that with Olympic Athletes, pop stars, and the assorted television personality sporting an odd piercing, people would get used to the idea. That's too much to ask of people here I suppose. I almost want to take it out sometimes or carry pamphlets so they can read all about the joys of body jewelry. Maybe I'll just start barking like a dog when somebody asks about my piercings next time. I wonder what they would do?

5 - Racism I know it's a problem worldwide. I know it's not just specific to here in the mild midwest. I've been called Hitler. I've been called Nazi. I usually brush these comments off and flip them off, but when somebody nestles up besides me and their opening line is "Yeah, I wish them niggers would go back to Africa too," I come unglazed. Sure I have a patch on my jacket that says "United Skins" but I also have buttons right next to it that says "Stop Racism" and "Jamaican Ska." People need to read more and stop watching Must Vomit TV.

6 - What are you doing living there? Um. Fuck off. I don't know how many times I have heard this from people in San Francisco or New York recently. Like those people were born and bred in those places anyhow! I've been contacted by art directors of magazines and people who are initially interested in my work on my site in the coastal cities telling me to "stop by" not realizing I'm in Kansas. It really frustrates me to have my interest piqued only to be dashed by a non-response to my return email stating I live in Kansas City and it's not in my budget to "stop by." I guess I don't live in the "hot city" at the moment or something. People in larger cities need to stop being so damn insular.

I'm looking at cities like San Diego or Los Angeles. I know there are (the same) problems there too, but I really need a change of scenery. It's pretty bad when the place you live refuses to grow and move into the future. Your surroundings start to look more and more like a prison everyday even though you feel like a cat looking in on a fishbowl.

Oh yeah, I need to get laid. How many lines did it take before you saw between them?