You'll find three things: body hair removal techniques, Rogaine ads, or pages about hair fetishes.

Bust out a porn magazine (not Bear or Honcho) and you will not find anything but shaved chests, bald ball sacks, and depilated ass cracks. Same goes for almost all porn movies presently. When did hair get so disgusting to us that we need to remove it from the places it was supposed to be? Was there a big memo about killer crab lice?

I have a few ideas. Gay men are obsessed to the point of illness with youth and holding onto it like we all lived in the movie Logan's Run. We are taught when we come out that we have to be tanned until we look orange, and our body hair must be torn out or burned out at the roots just to fit in. To me, this is sick beyond comprehension. It's one thing to look good, but it's entirely another to look like we stepped off the set of a B-movie about radiation.

Article 175 of the Japanese Criminal Code provides the backbone of all anti-pornography legislation in Japan, and has a number of peculiarities. Pubic hair and adult genitalia cannot be depicted, and touching groins may not be shown. However, "extremely cartoony" depictions of genitals are ok. Is there some hidden connection I'm missing between cartoon depictions of sex and what we see in motion picture porn? It would explain why porn stars look the way they do.

Tom of Finland drawings show extremely cartoony depictions of fag sex. That's a fact. The engorged, arm-sized cocks, man-breasts clad in leather and cop uniforms, and the peculiar absence of hair depict what can never be. Even funnier are the gym bunnies out in Chelsea, West Hollywood, and even in the Westport neighborhood in Kansas City pumping their pecs and glutes to abnormal proportions, trying to attain this superhuman fantasy of what it is to be a man. Unfortunately, this "gay icon" is so burned onto mainstream gay minds that it will never be realized for what it was meant to represent -- the personification of what Tom saw as male. Instead, fags are ridiculed by their peers to feel that they must attain this gay version of Barbie in order to feel attractive.

Have you noticed how almost everyone is shaving their heads now? This I blame on television, movies, and the World Wrestling Federation. When a bald guy walked onto the screen five short years ago, you knew he was a bad-ass or a villain. Well, guys, um -- doing it too doesn't make you any more bad then you were when you had frosted blonde hair. I talked to a skinhead truckdriver a little while back and we both agreed that it was hard to tell sometimes if a guy is being trendy or if he's a skin. I almost wish long hair would make a comeback so I could spot skinheads easier.

All that bullshit aside, I like a guy with hairy armpits, on his ass, his chest and around his cock. If you are a guy that is naturally less hairy, that's life and I can deal with that. Nothing beats the way a guy smells when he works up a sweat during sex. Even the way I smell after I've started to get a little funky in those areas too can be great during those special moments alone. You smell good and attractive when you sweat a bit and some guys smell great when they sweat a gallon or three. The pheromones secreted in sweat jumpstart my hard-on and send my brain into hyperdrive. It's the phony cologne, deodorant, and shaved parts that always leaves me wondering what that guy really was like before all the alterations.