It's not only wallpaper that threatens. What about greasy wood paneling run amok, sinister floral arrangements, bedding ensembles that send shudders of horror up Laura Ashley's spine, or hungry, over-bloated couches determined to swallow whole any rump that dare plop atop their beerfart-saturated tweedy coverings. These too, can have dire consequences.

Interior design began with the first cave dwellers. Most likely it was a gay caveman who decided to paint pictures of running bison and other frolicking animals on the rough walls and low ceilings of his abode. Not only were these flourishes artistic and decorative, they also served as a way to feel more comfortable while living in a hole in the earth.

But, my how times have changed. Gone is the stereotypical association of gay men with good interior design. The Internet has shattered that myth forever with its slew of nude amateur self-portraits that clog newsgroup bandwidth from New York to Sydney and back again. These Feng Shui-challenged souls have proven over and over again that male homosexuals can be just as color uncoordinated, sloppy and nastee as their straight bretheren -- and despite the crippling setback from the Discovery Channel's token screaming queen, home decor fluffer Christopher Lowell, the gap between what defines gay and straight is slowly beginning to zipper shut. So maybe hideous wallpaper isn't such a bad thing after all.

For me the charm of amateur pics has never involved the vulnerability displayed by the model's self-willed nudity. As soon as a JPEG has fully loaded in my browser, I immediately begin to scour the image's background in search of clues and signs that are a thousand times more intriguing than bare butts or engorged genitalia. Interiors are like handwriting, and for those who know how to decipher the mishaps of furniture meeting form, many secrets are revealed. Join us inside, while our snooty panel plumbs the background life of the Net's most audacious and careless interior designers.