Nightcharm VideOH! Youthful Offenders

I'll confess, I don't care much for contemporary gay porn videos. And I've several reasons why.

Most of the "actors" exude about as much pizzazz as a park bench on an overcast day. Sure their forms (the models) are usually stellar, but most of the physiques are so shaved, powdered and manicured that all of their humanity is stripped away. It's like watching wax figures bump, suck and grind against one another in a badly orchestrated dream.

Because I write my own erotica I'm also painfully aware of the terrible lack of sexual tension within most video story lines. As Camille Paglia noted recently in one of her Salon features, "In order to get really steamy sex..., you've got to have a very strict sense of decorum. The decorum must be set up in order to violate it. It's the violation of the already established structure that produces the thrill..." I think this construction of decorum--what I consider to be the psychological foreplay within filmed sex--is too difficult to achieve on low budgets or working with actors whose emotional development is often an oxymoron.

This is why I revel in old '70s and early '80s porn. Not that psychological narratives were numerous, but because there wasn't much pretense towards creating any in the first place. This makes the viewing experience so much better -- there isn't that awkward distraction or -- if a story line is in place --its clumsiness is charming and naive and tolerable. An added bonus: I also love all those shaggy hairstyles and acid wash jeans. Not to mention the bad lighting and horrible set designs. Those elements create tension and excitement simply because, if you're old enough to recall, you know you're watching something that was revolutionary and really profligate for its day. And better yet, the actors seemed to know this as well.

I'm always pop-eyed, drop-jawed and stone hard when I watch the wild abandon and fury that most of the actors unleash in erstwhile porn. I mean, if guys fucked like that in videos today you'd probably have a never-ending stream of lawsuits sloshing back and forth between actors and video studios. I can see it now: "Today at 4p.m. Judge Judy takes on: Falcon and the pony boy's torn sphincter."

Anyway, I'm rambling. What's all this have to do with ATKOL Video's new release Youthful Offenders? Well, not much. I mean, it's not like this video embodies any great tension building narrative, and truth be told a few of the actors are clunky and boring. The story is situated in one of the most timeworn environments within the milieu: a jailhouse. But conversely there is a homemade element to the entire production that I found very engaging and fun. Similar to those porn vid's of yonder years. And there is a raw edge to director Hank Wood's style that borders on cinema verite. The fact that most of the film is without a "score" is also another commendable point. I loathe the tacky, New Agey, my-mother-just-bought-me-a-synthesizer soundtracks that plague modern day porn vids. Bring back those hideous disco scores of the early Matt Sterling school.

So the pluses and the minuses are pretty well balanced within Youthful Offenders. But now I'm gonna tell you about some of the vid's elements that make it worth actually cracking opening your wallet. Because really, if you enjoy watching men sucking and fucking (and, I mean, who doesn't?...well, maybe my mom...) then you've got to let yourself revel in the wonder of Offenders' star player Jeremy Cooper (pictured left, with nasty-mouthed Frank Parker).

I don't know where they found this twenty something wunderkind but I wanna make a pit stop in his hometown someday and see if there was something in the water them youngsters drank that I could bring back home with me. Why? The guy has the most incredibly complex relationship I've ever witnessed on video between a guy and a cock (as in someone else's). Cooper radiates a captivating combination of ardor, curiosity, ambivalence and mastery. Translated: He sucks dick like (1) he's never seen one before. (2) He'll never see another one again. And (3) like he's been giving righteous head for eons. You can imagine how well each of those points come together in a story where a young man, trapped in a juvenile hall with nothin' but underwear clad guys around and hormones swelling, and, well you know what I'm talkin' about.

The intro scene is filmed in a bathroom and the sound man makes good use of the tiled room's acoustics to amplify every noisy lick and saliva-generating slurp that Cooper administers to Frank Parker's prick; which, after five minutes of intense mouth lovin', begins to look like it's going to explode from the pressure. Fortunately, that event is saved for the big fuck-him-on-the-sink-and-then-on-the-floor climax. Cooper squirms, thrashes, begs and coos in such a way that you start to feel the thrill of the pounding yourself. As I noted earlier, this opening scene is worth the price of the video alone. Scout's honor.

Offenders has some other great touches that, after I watched it for a second time, made the whole experience seem rather surreal. Fuzzy-cute actor Ben Damon looks very much like Hollywood big boy Ben Affleck. Director Woods must have known this too, thus the play on his stage name. Get it? "Ben" and his alleged lover Matt "Damon." This guy sports a wonderfully long and thick dick. And guess who gets to administer his savory fellatio skills on the golden rod? Yep, Cooper swallows Damon's meat so completely you're certain the cameraman resorted to trick photography and angles to pull the act off. But nope, 'tis the real feast.

And there's even more celebrity double fronting. Doltish prison guard Dillon Greene makes you blink twice to make sure that isn't Latino closet case Ricky Martin throwing a four foot long thread of spooge in Greene's big jump-cut money shot. Fun stuff!

So if you're looking for something new, that has an old fashioned, non-pretentious innocence to it --and features some of the most spectacular oral gymnastics you're likely to ever see captured on film, bring Youthful Offenders home and lock yourself down.